Topless Story
by toplesswomen20
Summary: This is a comedy about a group of Hogwarts students after they've left Hogwarts and met an interesting group of people who call themselves the Topless Women
1. Chapter 1

_**Any and all Harry Potter characters are the property of JK Rowling. Peter Pevensie belongs to C.S Lewis**_

_**The Topless Women Are**_

**Rachel – **20, Leader of the Topless Women, IMDb name: gurlchic

**Katy –** 17, Leader of the Topless Women, Dating Draco Malfoy, IMDb name: nevertoplesswomenever

**Carly** – 15, Leader of the Topless Women, Dating Peter Pevensie, IMDb name: nevertoplesswomenever

**Caitlin **– 15, Dating Cedric Diggory, IMDb name: ccmrose10

**Ali** – 16, Dating Cedric Diggory, IMDb name: supnikka

**Doug (Psyk)** – 30, Professor, IMDb name: psykodoboi

**Freddy** – , Sex Kitten, IMDb name: freddylovesyouandme

**Melissa** – 12, obsessed with the anus, IMDb name: uranusaddict

**Brianna** – 12, Dating Jonathan, IMDb name: lovelight30

**Sarah (Spaz)** – 13, Dating Harry Potter, IMDb name: spazzysas

**Dimitri** – 16, loves sugar, IMDb name: HPfreakyblueeyesdimitri (or something like that..lol)

**David (Chuck)** – 15, IMDb name: unknown

**Maggie** – 16, Dating Ron Weasley, IMDb name: breathinforluck

**Josh** – 14, Dating Hermione Granger, IMDb name: biggerbucks

**Cody** – 12, loves his gun, IMDb name: CML-revamped

**Bridget** – 14, Dating Will Turner, IMDb name: unknown

**Duncan (Dj)** – 15, Loves Ponies, IMDb name: djduncfunc

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The sun peeked up from under the horizon, sending beams of sunlight in every direction. The light reflected against the windows and danced along the vast lawns of a grand institution (which seemed to be the only building in the area for miles), which was at least 4 stories high with many, many windows. In front of the building, a large, rectangular cement block displayed something in bold, black lettering: 

**TOPLESS WOMEN HQ  
EST. IN 2005  
INTRUDERS WILL BE FLASHED **

When one entered the building, they found themselves standing in the entrance hall on the first floor, staring up at a large marble statuette of a beautiful goddess in a toga; at the base of the statue was a plaque which simply read "Her Holiness". The inhabitants of the building idolized the statue, never daring to enter nor exit the place without praising it first. Lining the walls of the entrance hall were plaques, diplomas and other awards for special achievements made by various topless women--these lead straight into the kitchen/dining area.

The Second floor was set up for recreational purposes (couches, TVs, video games, pool table...)--beer bottles and plastic cups and empty pizza boxes were scattered around the floor and on furniture, as no one never really took the time out to clean up.

The Third floor was primarily where the Topless Women spend most of their time: In their rooms. Two rows of doors were lining the hallway--each door had a different persons name placed onto it, according to the person's personality.  
On the Fourth floor..well, no one dared to venture there. The entire fourth floor is said to be inhabited by The Goddess herself--in spirit, of course; the consequences for disturbing her holiness are..bad.

Back on the third floor, the door labeled "Katy"--written in large block letters with various pictures of Draco Malfoy and Simple Plan taped around it--swung open slowly. Poking her head out into the hall, Katy glanced up and down to make sure the coast was clear before creeping into the hallway. She tip-toed up the hall carefully, making her way towards the single door at the end of the hall.

'Almost there. For once, I won't have to fight over who gets to use the only frickin' bathroom in the house..' thought Katy, squeeling to herself.

Caught up in her happiness, however, she was too late to notice a loose floorboard in front of her, which she stepped on, causing the floor to squeak under her.

'Shit.' She held her breath, casting wary glances at the closed doors surrounding her. Behind the door labeled "Dimitri", Katy heard a light cough.

'Shit..' she cursed herself over and over again. Standing frozen in place, a couple minutes passed before Katy figured it was okay to move again. She let out a relieved sigh.

A door swung open behind her, slamming against the wall; Melissa hopped out of her room, looking wide-eyed and alert.

"Thought I heard... like a gas leak or something..." whispered Melissa, looking quite paranoid. She looked over at Katy and smiled. "Hi! Whacha doin up so early?"

Katy blinked, unsure of what to say. "Er..."

Melissa's smile slowly turned into a frown as realization spread across her face. "You're tryin to use the bathroom. aren't you..."

Katy motioned for Melissa to be quiet. "Just really quick. I can't stand to wait... I'm usually the last in line cause my room is furthest away..." she pleaded.

Melissa's face went blank. "Not on my watch, bitch."

Before Katy could react, Melissa let out a blood curdling cry; at once, people started rushing from their rooms--some looking confused, others just looking pissed off.

"What the hell? I was just dreaming I was in Cancun with Cindy Crawford..." mumbled Doug, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Katy glanced around at her fellow Topless Women and started to think...

'Look at them. They're so tired...groggy... .'

She looked at Dimitri, who was having difficulties standing on his own.

'..Wasted. They're not going to have time to react...and I'm almost there..'

Katy quickly came to a decision--She bolted for the bathroom, leaving the other Topless women to watch her retreating back.

"OH NO SHE DIDN'T!" blurted Melissa, rolling up the sleeves of her PJ's. "GET HER, GUYS!"

Doug was the first to react, speeding down the hall after Katy; he caught up with her easily and closed the distance between them with a lunging tackle, taking Katy down.

"BOO-YA!" shrieked Melissa. "IN YO' FACE KAY-TAAAAAAAAAA--"

A ziplock baggie was slipped over Melissa's head from behind; she crumbled to the ground in a heap, and Caitlin stepped over her body, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder.

"Um...I need to potty. And all of you are in my way. Solike..move.."

She cocked the ziplock gun she held in her hand, a fresh baggie slipping into the barrel.

"Or else..." finished Caitlin, smirking.

The other Topless Women glanced at each other, before looking back at Caitlin.

Caitlin sighed, flipping her hair again. "Suit yourselves."

She went trigger crazy--baggies of various sizes flew from the gun, landing neatly over the heads of her victims. She ran out of ammo moments later and lowered the gun, smirking.

"I warned you guys..." mumbled Caitlin as she passed the still bodies of her roommates. She approached Doug and Katy--who were curled up next to each other, their baggies fogged up by their breath--and snickered, before skipping merrily towards the bathroom.

"I'll grab myself a quick shower and take off before they wake up..." Caitlin said aloud. She went from skipping to jogging, occasionally adding a bit of a skip to her step. As she reached out to grab the bathroom handle, the last bedroom door swung out and she ran right into it.

Ali shuffled out of the room in footy pajamas, rubbing at her eyes.

"Mnmn..." she mumbled before shuffling over to the bathroom and opening the door, disappearing inside.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Again Harry Potter Characters belong to JK Rowling. Narnian characters belong to C.S Lewis

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_**

Caitlin fell to the floor in a heap.

"Ow..." she said as she rubbed her forehead. "Ali, wtf is wrong with y-" but Ali had already disappeared into the bathroom.

"Aaagh!" Caitlin exclaimed as Carly and Brianna made their way into the hall...cause...they slept in.

"What's wrong sissy?" Carly asked.

"Ali...hit me in the face...stole bathroom...CEDRIC!" At the last outburst, Carly and Brianna gave her inquisitive looks.

"..Sorry...I think that hit like...lost me a few brain cells..."

"...Ok, well...Peter is waiting, so I need the bathroom." Carly said. Brianna who had been watching the whole scenario, slipped silently out of the room to the kitchen.

As Brianna entered the kitchen, she saw that there were a several guys sitting around the table.

"Aha...one of the topless women awakes!" explained the blonde haired guy, who was helping himself to a bowl of cereal.

"Of course we are," replied Brianna. "Didn't you hear the fight for the bathroom?"

"I see!" said the best looking of the bunch, Peter. "And I am guessing that Carly won?"

"Err...no" said Brianna. "You see, there was a cancer scare there for a minute, but now she is doing fine! So...what are you all doing here?"

"Me and Carly are going to go on a walk through the Narnian woods," answered Peter.

"Me and Katy are going to visit my dad in Askaban," answered Draco.

"Me and Maggie are going to go to Diagon Alley to visit my brother," answered Ron.

"Me and Sarah are going to go to the movies," answered Harry.

"Me and Caitlin...or er Ali...i mean Caitlin...umm no Ali..." Cedric strained, obviously in deep though. "Well actually, I forget who I'm with today, but I have plans with someone."

"Oh, ok !"replied Brianna, unfazed by their answers. The Topless Women HQ was a very interesting place indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

**_All _ _Harry Potter characters are the property of JK Rowling and Peter Pevensie belongs to C.S Lewis_**

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**

The story suddenly shifted to Josh. He was waking up from his...unconsiousness.

"Ugh...whahappened?" he said aloud to nobody. Dimitri stirred next to him.

"Er...did Caitlin just ziploc all of us?" he asked.

"Yeah...I think so..." he said. Suddenly, everyone started to awake. Just as they did, Ali burst through the bathroom.

"Hey yous guys!" she exclaimed. "Hey, if you want a little pick-me-up, I have some bananas in my closet...they always help me after a ziploc attack." And with that, she turned and went into her room.

"You know, we shouldn't keep putting up with this," Maggie announced.

"Yeah," Carrie and Josh agreed at the same time.

There was a silence.

"So who's up for pizza?" Katy asked. "Doug's treat, cause you know, he is rich enough to pay off his car.." Doug scowled, but had to agree, for fear that Katy would send a BAM (OC: a BAM is a really scary monster) his way.

Suddenly, Freddy walked out of his room with his Ipod, singing along to the song...

"I'm too sexy for my shirt,  
Too sexy for my shirt,  
So sexy...it hurts..."

He looked around and say everyone still on the floor with ziploc baggies all around.

"Caitlin was here?" he asked. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"We shouldn't let those two keep doing this," he said, and again everyone agreed, but were then silent.

"...So, where's the pizza?" Duncan asked.

Later that day found the topless women sitting around their ginormous table eating pizza.

At the head of the table sat Rachel with Katy and Carly on either side.

When the meal was almost finished Katy tapped her glass with her knife so that she could get everyone's attention

"Ahem. This is an administrative..oral..memo...thing.." Carly and Rachel nodded, "We have decided to tell you something that we have kept secret and will shock you to the very core..." she took a long suspense-filled pause.

"get on with it!" Spaz shouted

"oh right..well...When we first started the topless women..we..uh...we made up the Topless Goddess"

GASP

"Then who is that statue of?" asked Melissa

"er...that is...Really Willa..."

"And the 4th floor?" asked Caitlin

"actually theres nothing up there..."

"WHAT?" exclaimed the topless women

"ya...we built that floor to be all like...mysterious..."

The topless women couldnt take the shock and the all got up from their ginormous table and huffed off to their individual rooms.

Sitting over in a little corner of the room were the random topless women's boyfriends who had to have their own table as they were not official topless women.

Rachel, Carly, and Katy looked at each other..

"well bitches we should like...call a maid..." said Rachel

"Do we have money for that?" asked Carly

"er...we'll steal some of Draco's money..and some of the life isurance money that Cedric got for his fake death.."

"ok" said rachel and carly and the three of them headed off to play Sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Draco, Harry, Ron, and Cedric belong to JK Rowling. Credit for Peter goes to C.S Lewis_  
**

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Just then, David walked down into the kitchen with his pet aye-aye. It was extremely late, a little earlier than the usual time he wakes up. That time is usually an incredibly inhuman hour of the day.

So anyway, he walked into the kitchen and saw no one there except those guys in the corner who never spoke to anyone. So he figured "Ah, well. Why not." So he walked over to them and said "So how are all you fellows doing?"

The five young men nearly jumped out of their skins.

"OMG!" said the one that Carly was seen with. David thought his name was Paul or something. "You're one of the Topless Women! And you spoke to us!" David looked around quizzically. "Well, yeah. There's no one else here except you."

The five got up and bowed all English-style. "We are eternally grateful. You have acknowledged our presence," they said in unison. David raised his eyebrows. "Your 'girlfriends' speak to you all the time." The one known as Cedric said "They don't count. They only fawn over us. You have treated us as an equal. And for that, you have our undying gratitude."

David shrugged. "Well, okay." And so David ate breakfast with the English gentlemen. He had a nice talk with them. It was nice for David to be able to speak to them finally after sharing the headquarters with them so long. Just then, Caitlin and Ali sped into the kitchen and froze.

"OMGWTF!" said Caitlin. "What are you doing, David!"

"Talking with the boys" said David.

Ali shrieked and slapped Cedric. "You, like, know you're not supposed to talk to anybody! Hell, you're not supposed to talk! At all!"

Cedric rolled his eyes and rose. "See you around, Dave." David waved. "See you around, Ced."

Caitlin got a mean look on her face. "Oooooooooohhh. So now you're giving each other nicknames. Not cool, Ceddie. Not cool."

Cedric walked out of the kitchen with the two girls. David could hear him ask "So which one of you am I going out with today?"

Soon after, Maggie took Ron away, Sarah took Harry away, Carly took Peter away (David had learned his name by that time), and Katy took Draco away.

"Well, aye-aye" said David, looking down at his furry friend. "I guess it's just you and me now...again." And David left the kitchen.

As David was leaving the table he walked right into Katy who come back for Draco's hair gel (xD).

"ooh hey whats up?" Katy inquired

"Nothing just was talking to the boys...er..why do they have to sit in the corner?"

"Because the table doesnt fit them...duh..."

"well..um...why dont we buy a bigger table?"

Katy looked thunderstruck like the idea had never occured to her again.

"well...like...we could...We can have a Topless Meeting to discuss it.."

"er..ya...im just gonna...um...go..."

David left in a hurry and Katy grabbed the hair gel. On her way out she could hear arguing...something about it was Ali's day with Cedric...on her way out the door Katy heard the unmistakable sound of a Ziploc baggie...she sighed and wondered why no1 had taken away caitlin's supply of baggies..

So, later that night, a loud...booming voice echoed throughout the Topless HQ.

"ATTENTION TOPLESS WOMEN...and ONLY Topless Women..." it added because...the guys were still around..."THERE WILL BE A TOPLESS MEETING TONIGHT TO DISCUSS...STUFF...SO BE IN THE MEETING ROOM AT 6:00 SHARP!" Then...there was silence.

So, as they were told, at 6:00, they all assembled into the meeting room, which was actually just a ginormous closet with a big table.

"K, so, tonight, we are discussing the rights of the various 'boyfriends' throughout the house," Rachel began. Doug snorted.

"Yes, is there something you'd like to add Doug?" Rachel asked.

"Well, come on! Cedric is dead.." Caitlin and Ali gasped next to him. "Peter is like...in Newfoundland.."

"Narnia.." Carly corrected irritably.

"Whatever...Draco is just...evil.." Katy didn't protest or seem angry at this...she just smirked. "And Harry belongs with Ginny and Ron with Hermione.." Maggie and Sarah gasped as well.

"No, Hermione is mine," Josh piped up.

"And...I'll kill Ginny..." Sarah said darkly.

The table broke out in arguement. Josh and Doug were arguing over Hermione, Caitlin and Ali over Cedric, Carly and Maggie over Peter. Everyone else was just arguing cause...they didn't want to feel left out.

"SILENCE!" Rachel boomed out. Everyone stopped and looked up...Caitlin had just reached in her pocket for ziplocs, Maggie had Carly in a headlock, and Doug was rapping at Josh, who was looking scared and confused all the sudden.

"Now, Doug, we appreciate the input.." everyone huffed, "but that is beside the point. They are here, and certain matters have come up about them."

"Why don't we let them live on the fourth floor, since you know, there's nothing up there?" Melissa suggested. A thoughtful look appeared on Rachel's face.

"That might work..." she said.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. Ditto with Peter and C.S Lewis**_

_

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_

So like all the topless women ventured up to the 4th floor to have a look around.

It was perfect.

There was exactly the right number of bedrooms for each boyfriend and even another bathroom.

The bedrooms were lined along the sides of the walls and there was enough space in the middle for a nice living room type area.

"Damn..Theres another f uckin bathroom up here!" shouted Katy. "We shoulda looked up here like...when we moved in.."

"There was a sound of many feet running up the stairs. The boyfriends had come up to see their new living quarters.

"OMG! CEDDIE!" Ali and Caitlin both shouted. Everyone else backed away.

"Um..well like were still in our secret meeting so lets just um..leave the boys up here and go back to our esteemed meeting room" said Carly

So like everyone went back to the ubercloset.

"The next order of business is the table in the dining room. David has brought it to our attention that we could buy a huge table to fit the boyfriends"

Everyone started talking among themselves at this remarkable idea

Solike, when they were done talking, Rachel said, "All those in favor, remove your shirt, all those not in favor, um..like, leave it on..." At once, everyone at the table except Doug had removed their shirt.

"Dumbass..." Caitlin mumbled under her breath.

"Sorry if I don't want to eat my dinner with you and Ali fighting all the time.." he said all matter-of-factly.

"Well, you can just like..have your own little table then.." Ali said.

"Yeah," everyone agreed.

"No, Doug will sit at the table with us, and LIKE IT!" Rachel said in her authoritive-like voice. Doug sank in his chair, mumbling to himself.

"Well, it's settled then. We'll buy a bigger table." Rachel said. Everyone gave a quick round of applause before moving to get up.

"BUT!" Rachel continued. Everyone froze. "We...may need to have a fundraiser, cause Caitlin used all the rest of our leisure money on ziploc baggies, Draco bought hair gel, Freddy bought a 'I'm so Beautiful' mirror, and those are hella expensive. Oh, and Cody bought ammo for his Timmy gun..."

"Tommy.." Cody corrected.

"No, Rachel, remember?" she replied. Cody shook his head.

"Solike...we have to...WORK?" Ali asked increduously.

"OMG no way," Caitlin said. "Just like, enter Cedric in a pageant..he'll be a shoe in to win.."

"OMG, no, Peter would win better than Cedric," Carly said.

"Enough!" Rachel said just as Caitlin was about to retort. "Yes, Ali, we will have to work..so..any ideas?"

"hey...draco bought his hair gel with his OWN money" Katy exclaimed, "plus like..Harry's rich so like..use his money.."

"Um..no..he has to buy me presents" Sarah said

"omg.." Doug muttered

"SHUT UP" every girl yelled

Josh and Cody laughed behind their hands

"OK! Why dont we all get jobs that have to do with our skills?" Rachel said

"No..i've got a better idea.." Katy said, "TOPLESS CAR WASH!"

Everyone stared back at Katy.

After a few moments of silence, everyone erupted into cheers and excited talking.

"Thats a great idea!" exclaimed Carrie. "We are so good at, like...being topless women and everything that I am sure we will make tons of money."

Everyone began to take off their shirts, preparing for the car wash of the century.

Just at that moment, Peter, Cedric, Draco, Harry, and Ron came down from the fourth floor.

"Woah!" they exclaimed, seeing what was happening in the meeting room.

All at once, all of the Topless Women screamed and dashed to cover themselves up. All except Caitlin and Ali, who both smiled and started to head toward Cedric. Each seeing that the other had the same idea, they faced each other, glaring.

"Hey!" yelled Caitlin. "Why can't you just except that Cedddie likes me better?"

"Why don't you realise that its...err...opposite day!" replied Ali. "And ahah, you just said that better likes ME better!"

"Ahhh!" Caitlin screamed, and not for the first time, a fight broke out between the two otherwise good friends.

"SHUT UP!" yelled Katy. "This isn't the time! Get over here both of you and cover yourselves up!"

Caitlin and Ali looked over and realized for the first time that all of the other topless women were hiding away from the guys, with a look of panic on their face.

"Don't you realise what this means?" asked Rachel. "We have all broken the one unbreakable rule of the Topless Women. We have let someone see us during a topless celebration. And you know what that means..."

Ali and Caitlin both had identical confused expressions on their faces.

"Er..no.." Ali said.

"Well..um..it's...an unspoken...thing.." Rachel said. "And like...all you need to know is that it's not good.."

"...right..." Caitlin said. She and Ali turned back to start arguing again, but Rachel raced towards them with their shirts.

"Put them one! NOW!" she exclaimed. Ali and Caitlin backed away slightly before doing as they were told.

"Oksolike...now what?" Brianna asked.

"Now...I'm afraid...we must put the boys through...the Topless execution trial..." Rachel said slowly.

"NOOO!" screamed Ali, Caitlin, Maggie, Sarah, Carly and Katy at the same time.

"It's the only way..." Rachel said. Cedric, Draco, Peter, Harry and Ron started to look scared.

"T-Topless execution trial?" Draco said in his cowardly-ish voice.

"Yes...see, what happens is-" Rachel began, but was cut off by a loud CRACK.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. Ditto with Peter and C.S Lewis**_

_**

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Carly had slammed the big topless book of rules on the table

"It says here that if a group of boys are the boyfriends of topless women. they have the right to become topless women themselves. So we dont have to like kill them. We just make em all..topless.."

Everyone stared at her and then each other.

The guys looked frightened.

"er..well ya..i guess thats ok..let the initiation process begin!" exclaimed Rachel

all at once Katy, Carly, Ali, Caitlin, Maggie, and Spaz raced towards their boyfriends and stripped them of their shirts.

"You are now topless women" Rachel said to them

"er..yay?" they replied.

"geez..there letting anyone be topless these days" muttered Ps-Doug

"SHUT UP!" all the girls yelled again

"er so like..we need to like go where there are like..cars..and stuff.." Katy said.

"yes...but where!" carly asked

By Katy

so like the topless women along with their..um..5..new members had a fabulous topless car wash. They made scores and scores and scores of money. I mean you can imagine how many ppl want their cars washed by Topless Women.

"Do you ever feel like breaking down..." played the radio

"OMFG! Can we please listen to something other than Simple Plan?" shouted Michelle.

"er...i have maroon 5 too..." said Katy

"omg..lets just like...go wash cars.." said caitlin

so like they did and made all their fab money  
they bought beds (big enough for 2 of course wink) for each of the boyfriends and furnished their rooms accordingly along with the living room.

Another day in the topless world complete..

The next morning all the topless women were woken up to extremely loud banging.

"GET OUTTA THE BATHROOM!" roared a voice from the 4th floor.

The topless women stumbled out of their bedrooms all..groggily..

"what the is goin on?" asked Cody (there)

"...yawn the boys are like..yawn fighting" mumbled Ali

"Go take care of it then. Im going back to bed. I need my beauty sleep." said Doug.

The topless women all went back to their rooms slamming the doors behind them leaving Katy, Ali, and Caitlin standing in the hallway.

They looked at each other, sighed, and started up the stairs to their boyfriends quarters.

BANG BANG

"GET OUTTA THE BATHROOM! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR LIKE 2 HOURS!" Draco shouted as the girls reached the top of the stairs.

"what the Draco..we were like trying to sleep." said Katy

"Cedric's takin a bath and hes been in there forever. OTHER PPL HAVE TO PEE!" he yelled so cedric could hear them.

Just then Cedric came out of the bathroom wearing only a towel around his waist.

Caitlin and Ali were both immensely happy that they'd been woken up.

"uh oh.." muttered Katy and dragged Draco into the bathroom and away from the scene she knew was about to happen.

Caitlin and Ali took a few moments to simply start at Cedric. That got boring though, so Caitlin lept into Cedric's arms.

"Morning Ceddie!" she chirped. Ali's face grew a shade darker. She jumped on his back..cause like...there was no more room in his arms.

"Cedric, I made you waffles," Ali cooed in his ear. Caitlin reached behind Cedric and pulled Ali's hair, causing her to fall backwards on the floor.

"I made you lobster," Caitlin said, stroking Cedric's hair.

"WTF...who makes lobster for breakfast?" Ali asked, getting off the floor.

Caitlin gasped. "Why Ali..if you knew Cedric at all, you would know lobster is Ceddie's favorite food.."

"OMG, what are you talking about! He told me the other day it was WAFFLES!" Ali yelled.

"No, it's LOBSTER!" Caitlin exclamied. She stepped around Cedric to face Ali. "And even if it WAS waffles, he'd eat my lobster cause you like..suck at cooking and stuff!" Ali gasped. She lunged for Caitlin and tackled her to the ground. As they fought, Cedric silently slipped into his room, and Harry and Ron emerged from theirs.

"Gawsh, who's in the bathroom?" Harry said, completely ignoring Caitlin and Ali fightning and screaming.

"Dunno.." Ron replied as he knocked on the door.

"WAT!" Draco yelled from inside..they could hear Katy giggling.

"WE NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM!" Harry yelled.

"...WHAT FOR?" Draco yelled back.

And solike, Draco let them in and Carly woke up in Peter's room

Draco and Katy went off to his bedroom to do like who knows what..and Harry and Ron went into the bathroom together

Cedric, Ali, and Caitlin were in a heap on the floor. Caitlin and Ali were htting each other while Cedric mumbled something about "why me?"


	7. Chapter 7

_**Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. Ditto with Peter and C.S Lewis**_

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Meanwhile, Carly and Peter were waking up in his bedroom after all of the loud noise.

"Ok, so like, remember," said Carly. "Maggie is really in love with you, even though she pretends to like Ron. All we have to do is get Ron to make her fall in love with him, and then we will be drama free."

"Great idea, Carly," replied Peter, smiling down at her. "I know that Ron likes Maggie alot, so that should work well. In fact, I have the perfect plan. I will tell Ron about it as soon as he gets out of the bathroom with...err...Harry. And until then..."

The scene zooms away from Peters bedroom, and back downstairs, where the rest of the topless women were waking up again. They were (surprise!) having drama of their own...

Downstairs the usual bathroom fiasco was going on when suddenly everyone stopped.

"wait..somethings missing..where are like the gamer girls?" asked Rachel

"There upstairs with their guys" said Maggie

"oo spicy" said Rachel

Suddenly a loud high pitch scream was heard from the bathroom

"WHO USED MY HERBAL ESSENCE SHAMPOO!" Doug shouted

The topless women looked around at each other..

"I LABELED THIS SHAMPOO WITH MY NAME AND THERE IS A DIME SIZED AMOUNT MISSING!" he kept screaming. he looked around but seeing no guilty faces he kept on, "I bet i know who it was.."

he stormed upstairs to where the caitlin, ali, cedric heap was. he grabbed caitlin and ali and dragged them away from cedric.

"listen up pretty boy. im gonna ask you this once and only once. did u use my herbal essences!"

"er..ya..its very good for mulling things over in the bath"

Doug bitch slapped Cedric "this will remind you to leave my shampoo alone...and like...u know...ur dead!"

Cedric laughed, "at least ive got a bigger fandom then you"

Doug stared at him..the rage seeping into his face..but b4 he could say anything Caitlin and Ali were jumping on him

"like OMG back off of our ceddie!'

"like ya!"

Doug knew what these 2 girls were capable of and ran away quickly

The girls giggled and turned back to Cedric.

"hes gonna eat my lobster.."

"no my waffles!"

Ceddie smiled, "how about i eat lobster waffles?"

The girls smiled and followed him downstairs.

Meanwhile in Draco's bedroom..

"so like arent u worried that ur gonna have to fight off other girls for me?" asked Draco

Katy looked at him like he was crazy.."are you kidding? they all want good guys...of course ur not really bad just kinda annoying sometimes..cuz like u didnt have the guts to kill anyone..and like even buckbeak made u cry and like.."

"shut up.."

"but like..i dont have to fight over u.."

Draco smiled "like anyone could steal me away from you anyways" and he kissed her while even more yelling broke out below them

After their usual morning ritual and breakfast, the Topless Women piled into the Topless Mobile and drove off to Rooms to Go to look for a new table big enough to accomodate the newly ...new Topless Women.

"It should be made of stone!" offered Peter as everyone entered the furniture store. "Like the Stone Table that Aslan died on in Narnia!"

Everyone stared at him in silence before scattering off in different directions. Doug gasped, rushing over to a large, oak table.

"What do you guys think of this one?" he asked, turning to his fellow Topless Women.

Rachel shrugged. "It's simple. Clean.."

"Boring." Katy coughed behind her hand.

Cody rubbed his face against the surface. "Smooth.." he mumbled. "Very smooth.."

Freddy and Caitlin exchanged awkward glances before turning to watch Cody again, who was pulling a pocket knife from his..pocket.

"Er..what are you doing?" Carly asked, looking slightly unnerved as she watched Cody drag drag the pointed end of the knife along the table top, leaving no spot unmarked.

"I don't like smooth tables.." replied Cody simply.

"OH MY GOD! LOOK, GUYS!" Ali blurted, pointing off in some direction before..running off in that direction. The Topless Women followed reluctantly (c'ept for Cody, who was busy leaving his mark on some table.)

"Look!" Ali said again, stopping next to a big ass table. "Isn't it gorgeous!"

"..It's pink." Katy said flatly.

"I know!" Ali said cheerily. "And look.." She grabbed Cedric and shoved him down onto one of the poofy pink chairs that went along with the table. "Doesn't Cedric look so good sitting here?"

Freddy tilted his head sideways, rubbing at his chin. "Well, yeah.."

Doug elbowed him in the gut.

"AGH! ..I mean..Hell NAH." Freddy added quickly, glancing nervously amongst his fellow Topless Women.

Caitlin grunted. "Well, if you think he looks good sitting at THAT table, then what about this one!" She grabbed Cedric and rushed over to a large, white table that was curved in a 'C' shape. "Look! 'C' for Cedric!"

"No." Rachel said immediately.

"OMG, Whaaat? You didn't even see how good he looked sitting near it yet.." Caitlin said. She pushed Cedric into a seat, then stepped back to view her work.

"You can't just pick a table just cause Cedric looks good sitting there.." Carly said, with Katy nodding behind her in agreement. As she said this, Peter walked over to the table and plopped down next to Cedric, looking quite bored. Carly's face went blank.

"...On second thought, I think it'd be a nice addition to the house." Carly added after a pause.

"BULLSHIT!" Doug blurted, stomping over towards the table. "I can't believe this! It was a bad idea to let them join us!" he threw his arm out towards the 'Boyfriends', before whirling around to face Rachel. "You're not going to let them get those tables, are you..?"

Rachel opened her mouth to reply, but someone inturrupted.

"OMG, What's wrong with my table? Why you gotta be so jealous, Doug?"

"He's not jealous! Your table is just ugly!" someone else blurted.

"KATY, WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST PINK TABLES? ARE YOU RACIST!" a third voice cried.

Pretty soon the entire store was filled with Topless Women bellowing at the top of their lungs.

"WHO'S GUNNA PAY FOR THIS TABLE ANYWAY! I AINT GOT NO MONEY!"

"CODY, STOP WRITING ON THE TABLES!"

"AINT NOBODY OWN A PINK TABLE! WE'D BE THE ONLY ONES! C'MON, GUYS!"

"CAN WE GO HOME? I'M GUNNA MISS DR PHIL!"

"I GOTTA GO POTTY!"

"EW, PETER AND CARLY WENT INTO THAT WARDROBE TOGETHER!"

"I'M HUNGRY!"

"CAITLIN, CEDRIC DOESN'T LIKE THAT UGLY ASS TABLE!"

"SILENCE!"

Silence swept over the Topless Women as they all turned to face Rachel, who was red in the face after her outburst.

She took a deep breath before speaking calmly. "..We'll take a vote. That's the best way to do it."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. Ditto with Peter and C.S Lewis**_

_**

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Soon there was a soft "hem hem" coming from the corner of the room.

"Who just coughed like Umbridge?" asked a very annoyed Ron.

"Sorry bout that, I was just trying to get 2 words in." Sarah said... sheepishly

"You could of just screamed... why do you have to bring up bad memories for the boyfriends..." gasped Ali as she was regaining her breath.

"Hell no... my throat hurts. And besides, your "boyfriend" was "dead" by that book anyway. AND Harry went through the most in that one. I mean everyone thinks everything is all golden for the Boy- who- lived... but He lost his godfather, Siri..." Sarah trailed off... sobbing tears for "Sirius" in the background.

"Just stop crying for Sirius, Spaz, and why did you want attention in the first place?" Katy said.

" W..ellsniffes people are forgetting me a lot and sniffes i have an idea about the tables..."

"Well?" Caitlin and Ali said at the same time before fighting over Ceddie again.

" Um, we could compromise" Sarah said.. red-eyed.

compromise?" asked Katy, "im so not eating at a pink table.."

"racist" someone coughed

Katy glared at the other topless women, "why don't we just get that really big wooden table that we ALL look good sitting at?"

there were murmurs of agreement

"Good..and then we need to stop at the store and get like tons of food to feed us all..and im sure Psyk needs more herbal essences"

Psyk mumbled something about bitch slapping

They bought the table and crammed it into the boobie mobile.

they brought it into the dining room..

it was perfect

a few of the topless women cried at the sight of it..

"well so thank god thats taken care of" carly said, "now what?"

Solike...they had the table and stuff...

The next morning, before the usual bathroom brawl, Freddy came strutting out of his room and yelled, "WHO KNOWS WHAT TODAY IS!" Slowly, people came staggering out of their rooms.

"Dammit Freddy, do you have to yell that every Wednesday?" said Katy all..annoyed and crap.

"OMG, sorry, it's just...pizza night...gets me all...excited..." Freddy responded, a gleam in his eyes.

"Whatever...why do we even continue this tradition? We always end up eating PB and J cause we never decide on the what kind of pizza to get..." Josh said.

"No...this week will be different...causelike...we're gonna get the pizza..." said Freddy.

"...Whatever...I'm going back to bed.." said Caitlin, and she turned and went back into her room. Ali got a devilish look on her face and turned toward the fourth floor staircase.

"ALI! GET YO' ASS BACK DOWN HERE!" Caitlin yelled from her room. Ali stopped dead in her tracks.

"OMGWTF...I didn't even do anything!" Ali yelled back.

"Girl please...I have X-ray vision...andlike...you're predictable..." said Caitlin. Ali scowled and trudged back into her room, everyone following suit soon after.

Solike later...they were all in the meeting room again, although it was 4 hours before they actually planned on ordering the pizza...cause it always took that long to decide...

"Kso...this week, we're going to be organized..." Rachel announced as everyone sat down. "We'll nominate certain crusts, toppings, layers of cheese, types of cheese, type of sauce, flavor of cheese and sauce combined, pieces per box, and flavor of the individual toppings.." she said matter-of-factly. Everyone stared.

"Why don't we just order cheese and be done with it?" asked Cody.

"Cause Cedric is lactose intolerant, idiot.." Ali said. "So he'll need the...soy...cheese..." (Lol, did i just make that up or is that really what it's called? xD)

"OMG ALI, no he's not!" Caitlin said. "He's allergic to dairy!" Ali stared at Caitlin. Before she could open her mouth to retort, Rachel banged her gavel on the table.

"OMG, SHUT UP! Can you two not fight for ONCE?" she said. "Now...about the nominations...just write down your prefered...preference for each category, and submit it to me when you're finished."

"OMG, why it gotta be so complicated?" Doug asked. "I'll be late for my bingo lesson..."

"JUST SHUT UP AND DO IT!" Rachel yelled.

All the topless women started scribbling furiously on their pizza category cards. When they were all done and handed in Carly, Katy, and Rachel tallied up the votes..

"You guys have again made this difficult..we cant have a stuffed crust cheese only pizza at the same time as a thin crust supreme combo.."

Suddenly Carly and Katy looked at each other

"Are you thinking what im thinking?" Katy asked

"I just may..." Carly said

"That you should lavish me in presents including a new bingo card, herbal essences, and a pacemaker?" Doug interrupted

"er no...like..why dont we get personal pizzas for everyone? Cuz like..we have lots of money now after the car wash.."

Everyone just stared...and then...EXPLODED INTO CHEERS AND SCREAMS

Freddy even started crying he was so happy that we were actually gonna get pizza.

"ok so like we'll just call in the order for the delivery.."

"um...maybe we should take the cards to the pizza place so like..they dont get confused.." said Katy

"good idea" said Rachel

So Katy, Carly, and Rachel all climbed into the boobie mobile and headed off to the pizza store. When they got there they ignored the looks from passerby and headed to the counter.

"Look we've got a large order so you better pay attention to this." said Katy as she handed him all the cards.

The pizza boy's eyes bulged out as he saw all the complicated orders.

"This..may take awhile.."

"Well we dont need them til dinnertime" said Carly, "and we'll need the same order every wednesday."

The pizza boy looked as if he were about to cry.

"ok..we'll do it."

The 3 topless women had a mini wave in celebration and again ignored the looks of passerby.

They went home and gave the good news to the rest of the topless women.

The topless women all had a mini wave and were all about to head back to their individual rooms when they all heard a sound...a sound that chilled them to their very cores..

BAM!


	9. Chapter 9

_**Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. Ditto with Peter and C.S Lewis**_

_**oh btw a BAM is a scary ass monster that you do NOT wanna cross paths with **_

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Everyone froze. They were all to terrified to move...

"OMG! I'VE EATEN PIG!" Draco screeched. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT KATY! YOU MADE ME BACON!"

Katy jumped on his back and tackled him to the ground, covering his mouth.

"SHHHH! You don't want it to hear yo-" but suddenly, Draco had thrown her off of him and ran like a little girl to their BAM proof basement.

"DRACO! NOOOO!" Katy yelled as she ran after him. "IT'S TOO FAST FOR YOU! YOU WON'T MAKE IT!" She disappeared from sight. There was silence...

"Solike...anyone else eat pig lately?" Caitlin asked calmly.

The topless women stared at the BAM not daring to move. The only experts on BAMs were Doug, Katy, Caitlin, and Duncan and even they didnt know how to kill a BAM.

Katy came back up the stairs slowly..

"ok anyone who has eaten pig lately press ur nose with ur right index finger"

Cedric, Ali, Caitlin, Peter, and Carly all pressed their noses.

"I'm sorry Katy..we stole some of the bacon you made Draco" whispered Caitlin.

"Thats ok..we need to get you five to safety. The rest of you are completely safe..just go up to your rooms."

Everyone slowly made their ways up to their rooms.

"ok you guys..I've got one strip of bacon. I'm going to throw it away from you and then I want you guys to run as fast as you can into the basement"

The five nodded. Katy chucked the bacon as hard as she could. The BAM started running after it.

Peter and Carly made it to the basement fine but Cedric tripped over his fuzzy slippers. Caitlin and Ali both gasped in horror and dived towards him

"CEDDIE!"

This scream of course attracted the BAM. Katy didnt know what to do. The BAM was coming closer and closer to the caitlin/ali/cedric heap and it looked like they were done for.

"NOOOOOOOO!" katy heard someone yell behind her. Before she knew what was happening Draco had run into the room waving a sword at the BAM

"RUN PRETTY BOY! I'LL STOP THIS THING!"

Cedric, Caitlin and Ali ran for the basement  
Katy watched in horror because, of course, a BAM cannot be stopped by a sword.

"TAKE THIS YOU FUCKIN BAM!" they all heard above them.

Doug was standing on the second floor holding a bottle of Herbal Essences.

"YOU MAY TAKE OUR BACON BUT YOU WILL NEVER TAKE THE BOYFRIENDS!" he yelled in a horrible scottish accent and then he dumped the Herbal Essences all over the BAM.

The BAM stopped. Then a horrible sound filled the air. It took everyone awhile to realize that the BAM was screaming as it slowly died.

"OMFG! HERBAL ESSENCES KILLS BAMS!" Ali yelled.

And as the BAM died the Topless women did yet another mini wave in celebration

* * *

The very next morning, there was a knock at the front door of the Topless Headquarters. Sarah was the only one up, so she left her bowl of cereal and went to answer the door.

The person at the door was a very tall man with longish blonde hair. "Hello," he said. "I have matters to discuss with the members of this household. Is everyone present?"

"Yes..." answered Sarah suspiciously. "Why?"

"Could I please come in and talk with you all?" he replied. "My name is Bob Baker, and I have something I need talk with you all about."

Finally Sarah agreed, and she began to lead him toward the kitchen, where it seemed most of the topless women were by that time. "Nice...place you have here," said Bob, looking around at all of the topless statues and paintings.

All of the topless women looked up as Sarah and the mysterious man entered the kitchen. "Everyone...this is Bob Baker," Sarah explained.

Carly and Peter were just coming down the stairs together as Sarah announced him. "Do we know Bob Baker?" she asked, with a voice full of concern.

"No," replied Caitlin, Ali, and Katy all at the same time, rolling their eyes at each other.

"Oh..." said Carly, as her eyes grew wide. "Err...hi Bob Baker!"

"Umm...hi?" he replied, looking at her like she was crazy.

For the next moment, everything was so quiet, you could hear the Josh's pet crickets chirping.

Bob gave a cough. "Well..." he continued, "I am under the knowledge that you killed a BAM here last night. I am a BAM Buster, and I wondered if I could take it away from you. I colllect the dead BAM bodies. So...what do you say?"

The topless women looked around at each other, silently wondering how they should reply.

It was a minute or two before Doug finally spoke up.

"Well, Bob, I was actually planning on stuffing it and making it a trophy...how much you offering?" he said.

"Erm...well, I wasn't planning on offering anything..." Bob said, "I assumed you'd want the body out of here.."

"Well like..I wanna keep it.." Doug said. "Unless you're willing to offer a price for it.."

"WTF..Doug, just get rid of it.." Ali spoke up.

"NO! I killed it and I deserve the trophy!" said Doug, flaring up at once. "Besides, I wasted an ENTIRE bottle of my favorite Herbal Essences on it, I want some repayment!"

Everyone stared.

"Well, how's this..." Bob said

Bob reached inside his overcoat and pulled out a huge ass case of Herbal Essences.

Everyone wondered how that huge ass case had fit in his coat without making even so much as a bulge but they let it go.

Doug's eyes widened

"I always keep this with me in case i cross paths with a BAM. I am willing to give it to you in exchange for the body." Bob said

"Yea well like I think Doug would rather have money than ur stup-" Katy started but was cut off

"I'LL TAKE IT!" Doug shouted and ran down the stairs like an 8 yr old on Christmas Morning, "like OMFG! this is like a lifetime supply for me!"

and then Doug shocked them all by throwing a bottle to pretty bo- i mean Cedric

"Here..u get one bottle. Touch any more and you will recieve the biggest bitch slap of your life."

Cedric was brought to tears, "Thanks man. I think ill go take a bath. Caitlin, Ali, care to join me?"

And they all ran off to the 4th floor. Doug wrapped his arms around his shampoo and scampered (yes he scampered) off to his room. Bob dragged the body out of the building and everyone else was left to stare at each other..

"cough ya..well..uh...anyone wanna play checkers?" Katy asked


	10. Chapter 10

_**Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. Ditto with Peter and C.S Lewis**_

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Later on, after Katy shocked the hell out of all the topless women by beating Ron at chess, Dimitri heard a strange noise coming from upstairs. It was like a clinging noise.

Dimitri, Carly, Sarah, and Melissa followed the sound till they reached the outside of Sarah's room. It seemed like this strange noise was coming from her room.

The reast of her group stared at her till she realized what it was.

"Dammit! Why does my MSN keep signing on by itself!"

The others just looked at her as she stomped into her room.

See, it was an amazment to the other topless women when she left the door open and told them to come in. Sarah was notorious for screaming as loud as she could when someone forgot to knock at her door before opening it...

Anyway as the others examined her room, Sarah let out another scream.

"OK! WHO THE HELL GAVE SARALEE MY EMAIL ADDRESS!"

It was sometime around Midnight when all of the topless women retreated to their rooms. At 12:01, Carly snuck from her room and tip toed towards the 4th floor staircase.

"Here I come, my little Snuffleumpkins..." she cooed to herself. Someone coughed behind her, causing her to freeze at the foot of the stairs.

"The hell do you think you're going?" someone said. Carly slowly turned around, grinning widely.

"ALI! Uhm...I was just going to see Peter.." she started slowly.

"We're not allowed up there, remember?" hissed Ali, walking towards Carly. She then added, after a pause "..Can I come with you?"

Carly and Ali started climbing up the stairs in silence. When they reached the top, they found themselves staring into the barel of Caitlin's ziplock gun.

"I was expecting you.." she said flatly.

Carly and Ali exchanged frightened looks--and then it was over..

Melissa shuffled out of her room, sobbing loudly. She had awoken by the sound of two gunshots, followed by two loud thumps right above her. Almost immediately after walking into the hall, Melissa was joined by Josh, David and Dimitri.

"Whats wrong?" asked Josh, placing a hand on Melissa's shoulder. Behind him, David tried stiffling a yawn with his hand while Dimitri attempted to keep his lids from shutting.

"C-can't sleep.." murmured Melissa between sobs.

"I'll make some cocoa, and then we can talk about it.." muttered David through a yawn.

Arm in Arm, the four made their way down to the kitchen. Stopping in the doorway, Dimitri raised a finger and pointed across the kitchen; Sitting alone at the table was Doug, who was smiling over a large plate of spaghetti. Only he wasn't really alone. Across from him, an economy sized bottle of Strawberry Kiwi Herbal Essences sat-- a napkin was tied around its "neck".

"Strawberry Kiwi.. you make me complete.." murmured Doug, smirking at the shampoo. "We connect in ways that I couldn't with anybody else.."

The four topless Women standing at the kitchen doorway exhanged bewildered looks.

"Has he lost his mind..?" whispered David.

Josh opened his mouth to respond, but then Doug started to sing..

"Strawberry Kiiii-WIIIII. You make my DAY-YAAAAAAAY.."

Melissa, David and Josh glanced at each other once more before slowly backing out of the kitchen, leaving Dimitri there to watch. Dimtri stood there smiling with his eyes closed, swaying to Doug's singing; seconds later, Josh returned, grabbed Dim by the ear and dragged him all the way up the stairs...


	11. Chapter 11

_**Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. Ditto with Peter and C.S Lewis**_

_**Really long chapter here btw **_

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Doug awoke from his slumber, looking wide-eyed and fresh. He threw back his sheets and hopped out of bed, taking a huge wiff of Sunday Morning air. Outside his door, he heard Caitlin pass by, singing 'Sunday Morning' at the top of her lungs. Grinning, he began to sing along, butchering the lyrics terribly. 

"SUNDAY MORNING, DANDRUFF FALLING!" he bellowed as he exited his room with a towel draped around his neck.

"SMEAR SOME SHAMPOO ON MY SCALP!"

Doug pushed the bathroom door open, pleased to find there was no one inside; now he was ready to dye his hair in peace.

"SUDS ARE SHROUDING US AT MOMENTS UNFORGETABLE!" Doug sang as he yanked open the cabinets under the sink; he grabbed a container of Herbal Essances hairdye and placed it on the counter.

"YOU RINSE TO FIT THE MOLD THAT-...What the fuck!" Doug frowned, peering down at the container; it was all..empty and stuff.

"..No..this isn't--NO!"

Doug reached up and yanked the medicine cabinet from the wall, tossing it aside in new-found strength; in its place on the wall was a safe. Doug franticly spun the knob--right,left, right--before hearing a faint click.

"Please..please, be there.." he murmured, slowly pulling the safe open...

* * *

"Okay, it's my turn with the remote!" announced Melissa, reaching for said-remote; David merely held it out of her reach.

"Ebert and Ropert are on." he said simply, staring at the TV with a blank expression on his face.

Melissa pouted. "Uh..General Hospital is coming on. And If I miss Alexis having her baby, I will--"

David's head slowly turned towards her.

"..Fine. ..I'm telling!" blurted Melissa, hurling herself towards the hall; she stopped at the doorway and turned to look at the back of David's head.

"..Bitch." she murmured as quietly as possible.

Above her, she heard a loud doorslam, followed by loud footfalls moving towards the stairs. Melissa crept towards the staircase, stopping at the bottom. Looking up, she saw Duncan staring down at her.

"DID I JUST HEAR SOMEONE CURSE!" he snapped.

"Um..ye-..Yeah! It was David. That boy has a foul mouth." Melissa said quickly. Duncan shook his head.

"I knew it.." he murmured, pulling a white glove from the waistband of his pants. "Duncan's gunna have to smack a bitch.."

Melissa quickly jumped aside as Duncan rushed down the stairs and into the living room. She paused before running up the stairs with the sounds of slapping and someone like...telling whoever is smacking them to stop and stuff.  
Suddenly overwhelmed with boredness, Melissa decided to check up on her fellow Topless Women. She walked over to Dimitri's door and knocked gently.

"Dim? It's me, Melissa!"

"Er..come back later! I'm busy!" was Melissa's reply.

"Yeah. Later." came a second voice.

"..Freddy? What are you doing in Dimitri's room?"

"Er...playing..Monopoly.." said Freddy, after a short pause.

Melissa blinked. "Why is your door closed?"

"So no light will get in! The board glows in the dark, duh!" came a third voice. Female.

Melissa pressed her ear against the door. "Carrie?"

"Freddy, you landed on my property. Pay up."

"Bullshit! I saw you take 100 bucks from the bank, you cheating whore!"

Melissa heard the sound of something being thrown across the room. Suddenly the door opened and Freddy pushed past Melissa, stomping into his own room. Melissa looked into the room to find Carrie celebrating her win by rolling around in the paper money while Dimtri started putting the game away.  
Sighing, Melissa walked across the hall to Sarah's room, pushing the door open. Inside, she found Sarah haunched over her computer with Carly standing over her, scribbling vigoriously onto a notepad.

"Hi guys!" said Melissa cheerily.

She jumped out of her shoes when Carly and Sarah whirled towards her, each holding something in their hand--Carly, holding her pen like a dagger, and Sarah, holding her computer mouse like...something all...threatening.

"Oh! Melissa, sorry..we thought you were..er..someone else.." Carly said; she and Sarah lowered their weapons before turning to the computer again.

"Er...what are you guys up to?" breathed Melissa, twitching slightly.

"Saralee's on the move. We're trying to track her, but she keeps slipping away every time we get close." murmured Sarah.

Carly nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and like..we're talking extra precautions for the house and everything. Caitlin told me she saw her at the front door, and I was all..'Uh, wtf how'd she get here..' and Caitlin was all 'Bitch, how do I know..?' and then I was like.."

"Basically, we need to gather a group of people and put together a search party and take her out." inturrupted Sarah.

"OMG, Can I join?" asked Melissa imediately.

Carly and Sarah exchanged looks, before looking off in oposite directions.

"Melissa..sweetheart.." Carly started, smiling fondly at the younger Topless Woman. "Er..how can I say this without sounding, you know...mean.."

"Fuck no." Sarah said flatly. "Now please leave. And don't mention this to anyone just yet, alright? We don't need people freaking out all over us.."

Melissa left the room quietly, closing the door behind her. She sniffed, glaring at Sarah's name printed on her door.

"Bitch.." she murmured as quietly as she could.

Melissa heard hurried footsteps stomping up the stairs and immediately took off down the hall towards the bathroom; how would it look if she were around the scene of a cursing crime for the second time? Stopping at the bathroom door, she gasped at what she saw.

"OMG, DOUGLAS! DOUGLAS, SAY SOMETHING!" Melissa shrieked, knealing next to the older Topless Woman, who was twitching wildly. Doug reached out towards

Melissa before passing out. Rising to her feet, Melissa screamed loud enough to wake the dead; Josh was the first to reach her.

"Whats wro--Oh dear god.." murmured Josh, looking down at Doug. David pushed past them, looking down at Doug as well.

"First Aid kit! Quick!" he shouted.

Josh stumbled over to the bathtub and opened the medicine cabinet (cause Doug threw it over there), searching for Doug's first aid kit; each Topless Woman had their own kit, as there were different things that helped heal them and stuff.  
Finding Doug's kit between Dimitri's and Duncan's, Josh grabbed it and tossed it to David, who caught it easily and opened it; bottles of Herbal Essances fell to the floor and David jumped to pick them up.

"QUICKLY, DAVID!" cried Melissa. Tears streamed down her face; behind her, Freddy, Carly and Katy worked to console her.

David opened a bottle and poured the shampoo in his hands. "CLEAR!" He shouted before rubbing the shampoo into Doug's hair; Doug's body jolted slightly.

"CLEAR!" David repeated, rubbing the shampoo in again. "Agh, nothing. Give me the mousse!"

Josh tossed David a bottle of Herbal Essances musse; repeating his actions and getting no results in return, David finally rose to his feet.

"...He's...gone.." he murmured after a short pause.

Everyone was silent for a moment, then all at once people cried out in grief.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! DOUG,WHYYOU DIIIIIIIIIIE!" Melissa wailed.

"AHHHHHHHH! HE OWED ME 6 BUCKS!" Katy shrieked, rubbing away her tears.

"I told him he should've used Pantine Pro V. Like me.." sobbed Freddy, tossing his hair to demonstrate.

Doug's eyes poped open and he sat up immediately. "What did you say?" he snapped, looking at Freddy.

"You heard me!" Freddy snapped back, wipping tears away. "Your hair doesn't have body like mine!"

"Oh no you DI-IN'T.."

"DOUGLAS IS ALIVE!" Melissa cried, lunging at Doug. She rubbed her cheek against his; everyone cheered and stuff.

"YAY! NOW YOU CAN PAY ME BACK!" Katy blurted.

"Anyway, why were you all...dead?" asked Carly.

Doug frowned, turning away from the group. "Someone..." His lip began to quiver. "...Someone stole my Herbal Essances hair dye.."

Only one person gasped.

"How horrible!" Melissa said, shaking her head. "Who would do that?"

"I bet I know.." spat Freddy. "He's the only other person here, besides Doug, who uses the stuff.."

Realization spread across Doug's face. "..Diggory.." Rising to his feet, Doug pushed his way out of the bathroom and rushed up the stairs leading to the fourth floor; everyone followed, eager to see someones ass get beaten. Once he reached the top, Doug pounded on the single door leading to the rest of the floor. The door swung open immediately and Doug was staring into the eyes of Cedric Diggory...in a towel.

Several of the Topless Women girls whistled under their breaths ('cept Katy, cause like...she didn't). And the boys whistled as well, but not cause of Cedric..  
On either side of Cedric stood two girls, also in towels, clutching Cedric's arms.

"Caitlin and Ali.." Doug muttered, scowling.

"What?" someone said behind Doug; whirling around, Doug turned to find Ali standing behind him carrying a tray of Pancakes.

"..What the hell? You're here and.." Doug pointed at one of the girls clinging to Cedirc. "There?"

Ali blinked at him before looking up to see...herself. She dropped the tray and screamed.

* * *

_Earlier..Slightly._

"Makin lobster for my Ma-yaan.." Caitlin sang, standing over a boiling pot of lobster. She turned away from the stove and moved over to the counter where she had prepared some heart-shaped cheese sandwhiches. Glancing around the kitchen, Caitlin found that she was alone. She pulled out her ziplock gun and aimed it at the sandwhiches.

"Say 'ello...TO MAH LI'L FRIEND!" she murmured before pulling the trigger; at the same time she pulled the trigger, Melissa was like...screaming for Doug, so like..she didn't hear it, otherwise she'd be up there and stuff. Anyways..  
Caitlin placed her gun down on the counter and whirled around to check on her lobster, nearly bumping into Cody who like.. appeared there.

"Nice gun. Can I use it?" he asked, somehow making it sound more like a demand.

"Er.." before Caitlin could reply, Ali and Brianna entered the kitchen.

"I smell Lobster!" announced Brianna, grinning. "Can I have some?"

"Hell no." Caitlin said immediately while slapping Cody's hand away from her gun. She looked up to find Ali stirring together pancake mix. "..Whos that for?"

"Ceddie-Pooh." Ali said sweetly; she glanced at the boiling lobster. "And that?"

"Ceddie-Po..I mean.." Caitlin paused to think of a different nickname. "Ced-Ced"

Both girls glared at each other for a moment, then the glares slowly morphed into overly sweet smiles.

"Let me see how it looks!" they both said in unison, pushing past each other to examine each others work. While Ali had her back turned, Caitlin began pouring various spices into the pancake batter. As she reached for the tobasco sauce, she glanced up to look at Ali.

"How does the lobster look?" she asked.

"Scrum-didly-umcious!" Ali said. She looked over her shoulder to find Caitlin stirring her batter; taking advantage of the oportunity, she grabbed the tongs off of the counter and dipped them into the pot. "How does my batter look?"

"Very untouched!" Caitlin said a bit too quickly; too busy sabotaging the batter, she didn't notice Ali toss her 'Scrum-didly-umcious' lobster out the window, and only looked up just in time to see Ali place the tongs back onto the counter.  
They quickly rushed back to their respective areas. Caitlin peered into the pot.

"WTF, WHERE'D MY LOBSTER GO!" she spat. Looking up, she saw Brianna leave the kitchen picking at her teeth. Caitlin stood there in silence for a good 10 seconds before scooping her ziplock gun from the counter.

"..I'll be back." she said flatly before leaving the kitchen. Ali smirked the entire time she finished her pancakes, placing the perfectly browned flapjacks onto a plate and placing that plate onto a silver tray.

"Tony, would you mind carrying up a glass of milk for me? Cedric needs his calcium.." Ali said sweetly.

Cody scowled at her. "My name is Cody."

"Sorry.." Ali murmured. "Solike, bring the milk. In a tall glass. Please? Thanks Brody!" she said cheerily before leaving the kitchen with the tray.

Seconds after Ali left, Caitlin returned. Silently, she fetched another lobster from the freezer and dropped it into the pot, then went to the cuppard to grab some refils for her gun; she heard a scream from upstairs, followed by a loud crash.

'Hmph..sounded like Ali. Probably screaming cause Cedric didn't like her pancakes..' Caitlin thought, grinning. But then another thought crossed her mind. 'Wait..if Cedric didn't like her pancakes, wouldn't she just come down here and try to assault me..?' The grin was replaced with a frown.

"Shit." Caitlin finished loading her ziplock gun before running out of the kitchen. She ran up four flights of stairs--hopping over Brianna's body somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd--to the third floor and ran all the way down the hall, breezing past the rooms of the Topless Women; she stopped at the foot of the staircase leading to the fourth floor--not cause she was being cautious, but because the Topless Women were crowding the stairs.

"Excuse me..pardon me, guys.." Caitlin murmured. No one moved.

"You guys, I'm trying to get through.." she tried again. Ignored once more.

Quickly losing her patience, she fired a warning shot in the air. "I'M ABOUT TO SHOOT SOMEBODY! MOVE OUT THE WAY!"

The Topless Women parted like the red sea, creating a clear path for Caitlin to go through; she took the steps two at a time, eventually reaching the top where Doug and Ali stood.

"Alright, I'm here. What seems to be the problem?" Caitlin asked.

"Okay, so..Diggory stole my hair dye. And you and Ali are like..here...but then you're there.." Doug murmured, pointing at the three people standing at the door. Looking over Doug's shoulder, Caitlin found herself staring at herself.

"Okay..why does this bitch have my face? ...AND MY MAN?" Caitlin snapped, raising her ziplock gun. Cedric blinked, looking from the girls next to him to Caitlin and Ali.

"Okay..this is weird. I thought they were you!" Cedric admitted.

The Ali look-a-like tilted her head. "Um..I don't know who you are, but..My name is Hali."

"Yeah, and I'm Fait" said the Caitlin look-alike. "Short for Faitlin."

Two more girls appeared at the door, bearing resemblence to Katy and Carly, dragging Draco and Peter behind them.

"And this is Chaty and Harly." Faitlin said, nodding to her other two friends. "We're the Famer Girls."

Ali and Caitlin glanced at each other; behind them, Katy and Carly appeared, already cracking their knuckles.

* * *

Cody began the slow climb up the stairs, pausing at the 2nd flight to blink at Brianna; a ziplock baggie was tucked neatly over her head.

'..I want that gun.' he thought to himself as he continued up the stairs. As he neared the 3rd floor, he heard various voices and sounds of stuff breaking. He quickened his pace, careful not to spill the glass of milk he hand in his hand.

'Stupid bitch. Thinks she can tell me what to do and get away with it?' Cody placed his foot on the forth floor staircase and started going up; a body was tumbling down the stairs and Cody pressed up against the wall to avoid getting knocked over.

"WTF, Josh?" Cody rushed over to his friend, who immediately got up.

"I'm cool. Just be careful. Those Famer girls are bionic.." Josh said in a rush before running back up the stairs. Confused but curious, Cody followed after him. Reaching the top, he stopped at the door and watched what was going on infront of him in awe..

It was complete pandemonium; The Topless Women were all fighting against four girls in towels; in the corner, Cody saw that girl that ordered him around in the kitchen earlier taking on Dimitri and Sarah; Sarah reached up and clawed off half of the girls face,revealing metal and wires and..non-humany things.  
Then he saw the same girl--in clothes--slamming Carly's--in towel--head into the floorboards while Carly kicked herself in the side.

'What the hell is wrong with these people..?' Cody thought. Josh climbed onto a bookcase and jumped off, bodyslaming In-towel Katy to the ground. Melissa then ran up, stepped on Katy's face and ran off. Cody saw Doug and Cedric fighting in a corner and walked over to join them.

"You Cedric?" he asked, blinking at the younger boy. Cedric nodded and Cody slammed the glass--milk and all--into his face.

"Heres your milk, sucka."

All of the Topless Women froze in battle position; Carly had her towel-clad self in a headlock, Towel-Katy was holding Josh up from the floor by his ankle while Katy was on her own back, choking herself. Dimitri, Melissa, Sarah, Freddy, David, Carrie and Rachel were all in a dog pile over Towel-Ali, except Towel Ali escaped the dog pile and was now filing her nails in another corner. Caitlin and Towel Caitlin were attempting to shove Ali out the window.

"...GET HIM!" Ali shrieked, despite being in a precarious position. Caitlin and Faitlin dropped her and immediately lunged for Cody, while the others just stood and watched...


	12. Chapter 12

_**Any and all Harry Potter characters are the property of JK Rowling. Peter Pevensie belongs to C.S Lewis**_

_**

* * *

**_

Ali and Caitlin reached Cody first. Ali did a little Matrix move and somehow had him upside down, shaking him so that all his money and..stuff fell out.

"OMG! You don't have to pay me back anymore Doug..." Katy said as she scooped up the change. Everyone looked at her then turned back to Cody.

Ali dropped Cody to the floor with a THUD. He tried to jump up and leave, but Carly lunged for him and tackled him to the floor.

"YEGHGHHHHG!" she screamed. She forced him into a standing position, and put him in a headlock. Everyone crowded around, making a circle. The lights suddenly flickered out, except for some random candle..it was pitch dark.

A gap formed in the Topless circle, and two menacing figures stepped forward.

"We warned you what would happen..." came Ali's voice all..creepy like.

"WTF..no you didn't..." Cody replied, his voice strained.

"..Well..you should know better by now.." said Caitlin. Cody looked around for support..but..none came. The circle closed again, just as Cody lost all hope.

"Ziplock.." Caitlin said shortly. Maggie stepped forward, kneeled down in front on Caitlin, and handed her..her beloved ziplock gun. Maggie quickly scurried back to her postition as soon as Caitlin had her gun.

"Now...Cody...do you know what you did wrong?" Ali said.

"I...er.." Cody began.

"WRONG!" Ali yelled. "Now, you must pay the consequences.." Caitlin aimed her gun.

"No...please...I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Cody screamed. Just then, the Famer Girls like..jumped over the circle. Faitlin kicked the gun outta Caitlin's hand, and it flew and hit Cody in the face. He fell to the floor in a heap.

"OMG! YOU CLUMSY SONABEETCH!" Hali yelled. "We were supposed to save him, not kill him!"

"STFU..at least I'm DOING something, you're just sitting there filing your nails!" Faitlin replied angrily.

"Um..guys.." Harly said as the Topless women started closing in on the Famer Girls.

"OMG..you're just mad cause I beat you at Konopoly that one time!" Hali yelled back, ignoring Harly.

"Guys..." Harly tried again.

"You didn't beat me! I LET you win!"

"LIAR!"

"GUYS!" Chaty yelled.

"WHAT!" Faitlin and Hali yelled in unison.

Chaty gestured around her. The Topless Women had formed a tight circle around them, all looking..evil and crap. Especially the Gamer Girls..

"YAAAAAA!" Katy bellowed as she picked up Freddy and hurled him at Chaty. Freddy did a spin in the air and kicked Chaty's robotic face. Within seconds, the Topless Women were kicking some Famer Girls ass.

Doug however, stood back. He couldn't help but notice the fragrance of Strawberry Kiwi calling to him...He followed it downstairs and into the basement.

"Strawberry KIIIIIWIIII!" he called, sniffing the air. "Where are y-?" he stopped dead.

He was standing face to face with Cedric who was holding Doug's economy size bottle of Strawberry Kiwi open and over the sink, ready to pour.

"..No..WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Doug yelled, running towards the sink. He slipped on a banana peel that Cedric had cleverly left in his path.

"Take one more step..and this Kiwi is gone..." Cedric said menacingly.

"You wouldn't...why...WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" Doug exclaimed.

"...You know why..." said Cedric..a look of comprehension dawned on Doug's face.

"OMG, you're still on about that?" Doug said, all the...desperatness leaving his voice.

"YES! I never forgot...it still haunts my dreams..." Cedric replied.

"Dude...it was one little joke about you being dead and stuff..." Doug started, but Cedric cut him off.

"Do you think..that someone as beautiful..someone as charming with perfect bone structure could ever DIE! DO YOU?" Cedric yelled, obviously stung. "CEDRIC DOESN"T DIE!" There was a silence...

"Now...say goodbye to your Kiwi..." said Cedric.

"NOOOOOO!" Doug yelled as Cedric's hand dropped a fraction of an inch towards the sink...


	13. Chapter 13

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO" Psyk continued to yell.

Just then a loud crash was heard behind them as Katy threw Chaty into the kitchen.

"You evil robot b itch" Katy walked towards her menancingly, "in the bathroom...wearing only towels...with our bfs..doing who knows what..."

Chaty sobbed (do robots sob?) "we were only streaking our hair!"

"Really...oh well ur still trying to like...be us..." Suddenly Katy stopped, "er...wtf r u two doing?"

Doug was crying on the floor muttering over and over "my shampoo...my shampoo..."

Cedric was looking kinda evil as he held the shampoo over the sink

"Damn Cedric..ur looking a lil evil...wink so like remember that one time when we snogg-"

"BACK AWAY FROM CEDRIC" yelled four voices at once.

Katy turned to see Hali, Ali, Caitlin, and Faitlin all glaring at her.

"er...right...sorry...i've got a robot to beat up..."

"why! are you like robotist!" yelled chaty

"erm...tchya" and like Katy went off to kick chaty's ass. But then she had like..an idea..She went up to the second floor and walked over to the stereo.

"Where is it...where is it...YES!" she slipped the CD into the stereo..turned up the volume..and pressed play.

"DAY-O...DAY-OOO...DAYLIGHT COME AND ME WANNA GO" blared over the stereo

Suddenly there was screaming all throughout the house. The robots were running all over with their hands over their ears. Then they all ran into each other and like..exploded.

"like OMGWTF!" cried Ali "How'd you know that would stop them?"

"er..b/c thats just the power of Harry Belafonte.." said Katy and went off to see Draco.

Ali and Caitlin turned to Cedric.

"Ceddie poo..put the shampoo down. its not worth it. We both know your very much alive. i mean like..we really know wink wink" said ali

"stfu! u don know nothing girl!" cried caitlin

Cedric looked from his two gfs to the sobbing man on the floor. He dropped the shampoo bottle on the floor and kicked it over to Doug.

"take it..i have...erm...better things to do.." and he put an arm around both Caitlin and Ali and led them to his 4th floor bedroom

Cody came to at around midnight. He could feel dried blood and a huge lump on his face.

He couldn't see anything. He got up and tried to walk to his room but ended up falling down the

stairs.He made his way to the Kitchen.He saw Josh having a midnight snack. "What happend to

you" Josh said. "You don't want to know" replied Cody. "Uhhhhhh hand me that there flashlight

Josh I need to find my room... and Diggory's." mummbled Cody. "Ok" Josh said as he handed

him the flash light.And in another second he was gone up the stairs. Josh thought to him selve

"How can one person be that crazy?" Just as he was finnishing his snack Melissa came down

the stairs. "Who the hell were you tlking to?"mellisa demanded. "Oh just Cody he is trying to

get revenge on Cedric for braking his nose." Josh replied. " He always does that." Melissa said.

Mean while back in Cody's room he was opening his box-of-weopons. "He's going to pay!"Cody

yelled as he grabbed his toomy gun,a pistol,and a hammer. He then ran acrros the hall to

Cedric's room. He opened the door and into to Cedric's room. "What are you doing" Cedric

asked. Cody replied by punchinng Cedric in the face nocking him unconscious . Cody procced to

take out the hammer and was about to wack it into Cedric's teeth when he saw Caitlin at the

door way. By the time he turnned around he had a bag over his head. As he gasped for air he

reached for his pocket nife and cut a hole in the bag . As he ran for his room he saw that Ali

was holding a metal pipe at his door. Cody decided then to take out his pistol and do things the

messy way but by the time he had it out the pipe was smashed into his forehead. Cody

mummbled something before falling to the ground. "Should we kill him" Ali asked

"Yes we should" Caitlin said with a huge grin. "But I'm out of ammo so we'll have to wait."caitlin

sai."Ok then" Ali replied. So off they went to find ammo for there gun. But by the time they got

back Cody was gone. Leaving nothing but a trail of blood leading to his room. Inside his room

Cody was turnning on all of his locks and was esccaping through his secret ecape way. By the

time Caitlin and Ali got into his room they found nothing but a note, and as they started

reading it Cody walked into the topless garrage. He then jummped onto his motor cycle that

he had just stolen, turned it on and drove off to kill sarallee.


	14. Chapter 14

Ergg..." said a groggy Sarah as she awoke from her lastest bed: her computer desk.

She hadn't left her room in 2 days except to use the loo and she was hungry.

She came across 4 girls who looked like the gamer girls, but they weren't.

"Who the hell are you?"

"We are the famer girls. My name is Fai----" She was then cut off.

"Ok, I don't care," Said Sarah in a bitchy tone. She got that why when she stayed on her computer to long."

She came across Dimitri in the kitchen and asked him about these 'Famer' girls.

After Dim told her the tale, she got her food and went up to her room. After all, she was reading a 40 chapter, HP/DM slash songfic Au with no HBP spoliers and needed to get back to the good part...

By Sarah

Sarah, Carly, Ali, Caitlin, Katy, and Maggie sat at the table, facing the boyfriends.

There was tension between some of the girlfriends and boyfriends.

Some of it was between Sarah and Draco, which the others knew was over some fanfiction things...

And Ali and Caitlin were glaring between each other and Cedric.

So as the girls and guys were staring each other down, Dimitri bounched down the stairs, ran over to Sarah and Carly, whispered something along the lines of 'more info', and bounced back up the stairs.

"Weird," whispered Melissa to Bri as they entered the kitchen.

"Doug was wondering if anyone would get him some more shampoo when they go to store," said Bri to everyone.

"And I need some Altoids to get me over till this whole thing blows past," Murmered Sarah, not blinking.

"And I need nail polish!"

"I need Hairgel!"

"I need concealer!" said Harry and everyone glared.

"For the skar,"

"It's SCAR Harry!" yelled Sarah

"No I swear its Skar"

"Its no---"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Bri, "I need cheese!"

The Topless Women where sitting by the pool attempting to find something productive it do.

"Hey I have a good idea,lets wash each others hair!' said Doug.

"No!"shouted everyone.

Doug looked down to the ground sadly.

"Hey,I have an idea!"said Melissa,"Lets go clubbing!"

Surpraisingly everyone agreed.Shortly after there was chauos around the house.Screams and kicks could be heard everywhere.The Girls where Fighting about cloths,but finally after a long 6 hours they were in the topless moble ready to go.

"Oh i cant wait,"said Ali,"Ceddie will get to she me in my cute mini skirt!"

Caitlin glared at her evily.

The bar hopping night was started.It was a place called "The Drunken Irish".The Topless women where ready for some hard core partying.

Before anyone said anything Freddy was already over at the bar

"Dry martini,shakin not stirred,"cooed Freddy

After being there for about an hour Bri came over to Freddy.She looked and there were about 15 clean martini glasses,and right next to them was blood shoot Freddy.

"Umm are you ok?"said Bri.

"...sure...lol...your hair looks funny lol,"said Freddy.softly he rested his head on the counter table.

Few hours passed and finally Fred woke he drunkly walked outside on the side walk until he came across a hobo.

"H...I..."said Freddy,burp can ...I have your...coat and can you take...me to McDonalds...burp,I don't wanna be lonely."

"If you pay me,said the hobo

Freddy drunkly nodded.

The hobo lifted him up an take him to McDonalds where he get Fredo a Happy Meal.

About an hour later...

"OMG thank goodness we found you Freddy,thanks to this helpful hobo."said Rachel"Come on we need to take you home fred.

The Topless Women waved at the hobo and they alll headed home.They tucked freddy in with his teddy and he went fast asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

So like..the Topless Women went to the grocery store, fanning out into seperate isles. In cosmetics, Sarah watched Harry debate with himself over the life-threatening desision of Maybeline or Cover Girl concealer.

"C'mon, Sarah! Don't you want me looking good for you?" Harry chided.

Sarah gave him a blank look.

Harry let his head hang. "But my pimples.." he murmured.

"Harry, you look good regardless." Sarah said after a short pause. "So just put the makeup back and lets go and find the others.."

Harry nodded. "You're right. I do look good. I'm sorry.."

She gave him a kiss before walking out of the isle, leaving Harry there to smile to himself; though, once Sarah was out of sight, Harry stuck the concealer in his pocket.

"It's for the name of beauty, Sarah.."

"Agh, hurry up Caitlin! We have to go get Cedric some cookies!"

Caitlin dropped a few boxes of ziplocks in her shopping basket. "Er, Cedric doesn't like cookies, Ali."

"Ex-SQUEEZE me? Of course Cedric likes cookies! They're like..his favoritist things! After my waffles of course.." Ali said, grinning.

"Bitch, please.. I know for a fact that he like..doesn't." Caitlin retorted.

"Fine, lets ask him then!"

So Caitlin and Ali ran up and down isles, eventually bumping into Cedric in the Candy/Book/Magazine isle.

"CEDRIC!" Caitlin blurted. "You don't like cookies, do you?"

Cedric smiled at Caitlin. "Are you kidding me..?"

Caitlin shot a nasty smile at Ali.

"Of COURSE I do! They're, like..only my favoritist things, Cait-love."

Caitlin's face fell; A cheesy grin spread across Ali's features.

"Oh Cedric!" Ali started, running towards the love of her life, "I tried to tell he-"

Suddenly, Ali found herself flying headfirst into the magazine shelf--the result of a brutal hip check from Caitlin; the shelf fell into a shelf into a neighboring isle, triggering a chain reaction of falling shelves.

Cedric, Ali and Caitlin looked at each other for a few seconds before booking it down the isle, running as far away from the scene of the accident as they possibly could...

Katy and Draco were the first to make it to check out with their items. Reaching into their cart, Katy pulled out a container of whipped cream and placed it onto the conveyer belt.

"Aah..whats that for?" Draco asked, inclining his head.

"Oh, you know...stuff.." Katy murmured mysteriously.

Draco smirked, reaching into the cart; he pulled out some strawberries and placed them on the belt. Katy felt her cheeks get hot as she picked up some lotion; Draco waved a disposable camera and some bubble bath at her..

The cashier scanned the items as they were placed onto the belt, occasionally glancing up at his customers.

'What a weird pair..' the cashier thought as he watched; Draco was licking his lips as he watched Katy rub a box of crayons along her neck.

Draco and Katy continued to empty their cart, giving each other seductive looks all the while. Draco licked a box of tissues before dropping it onto the belt and Katy nibbled on celery, looking at Draco through half-closed lids.

Eventually the items stopped coming; once the cashier realized this, he looked up and--not surprisingly--found Katy and Draco making out right ontop of the conveyer belt. An old married couple shuffled by, stopping to watch.

"You see that? Would it hurt you to try something like that every once in a while?" the old woman said, nudging her husband in the gut with her elbow.


	16. Chapter 16

Later that day, the Topless Women returned from their shopping trip. It took every single guy in the house to bring in all the crap they bought.

"I do love having guys around," said Melissa as she filed her nails, leaning over to show Sarah and Carly her progress.

"I know..makes life so much easier," said Ali, fluffing up a blonde wig that Caitlin was eyeing suspiciously.

"Ali...w-what is that?" Caitlin asked nervously.

"Oh, nothing, nothing. It's from my costume from Halloween, remember?" Ali replied.

"Uh, no. That wig was platinum blonde, and THAT one is dirty blonde..like my hair.." Caitlin said, reaching up and touching her hair.

Ali opened her mouth to retort, but just then the door flung open to reveal Peter, Draco, Harry, Ron, and Doug carrying five heavy bags each. They stumbled into the room in single file, struggling with the load and panting.

"Never...again.." Doug gasped as he bent down to put his bags on the floor. Just then, Cedric swaggered into the room, carrying a single box, accidentally bumped into Harry, who bumped into Ron, who bumped into Draco, who bumped into Peter, who bumped into Doug. They all fell on the ground in a heap, all the Topless items being crushed or strewn across the room.

"AGGHHHH!" the five guys yelled as stuff flew everywhere. Cedric payed no attention as he carefully stepped over them and walked up to Caitlin, carrying a box of ziplocks for her.

"Thank you Ceddie," she said as she reached for the boxes. She kissed him on the cheek, and for the first time in like..ever, Ali didn't flinch, but continued to fluff the wig.

"WTF DIGGORY?" Doug yelled as he struggled to get up. All the Topless Women were gazing in horror at their broken items.

"MY WHIPPED CREAM!"

"MY CRAYONS!"

"MY CONCEALER!"

"MY SHAMPOO!"

"MY SHARPIES!"

"MY CARVING KNIFE!"

"MY MANICURE SET!"

"MY LITTLE MERMAID WRISTWATCH!"

"MY ASLAN ACTION FIGURE!"

"MY..er, never mind.." said Freddy, and he hastily picked up an object and stuffed it in his pocket before anyone saw.

"DIGGORY!" Draco yelled, his face red with anger.

"What?" said Cedric lazily as if nothing had happened. Caitlin was idly playing with his hair, and Ali still brushing the wig.

"Look what you did!" Cody yelled, gesturing around.

"You didn't even help bring in stuff either," Dimitri said angrily.

"Well, yeah, I just got my nails manicured," he said, flashing his well groomed nails at them. "And I ruined one ANYWAY!" he said, pointing at a broken nail on his left hand.

"Oh, don't worry Ceddie poo, it's my night with you, and I can fix that. Well, I could, if DOUG hadn't dropped my new manicure set," Caitlin said, glaring at Doug.

"You know what? NO!" Doug yelled. "Pretty boy, this is the last time you mess things up in this house!" He lunged for Cedric, but before he had even taken two steps, Caitlin whipped out her ziplock gun as if from midair and had it up to Doug's head. He froze.

"Take ONE MORE step, and you're head is ziplocked," she said menacingly.

"I-I'm sorry..it's just, he-" Caitlin raised it higher.

"He what?" Caitlin dared.

"He..he deserves the day off.." Doug finished and took a deep breath as Caitlin lowered the gun.

"That's what I thougt you said.." Caitlin said as she grabbed Cedric and started to leave. "Cedric, Ali, time for monopoly. Let's go.." she said. She was halfway up the stairs when she suddenly stopped short. "Ali? Let's GO!"

But Ali was still sitting, combing the wig and smiling as if nothing had happened.

"A-Ali?" Caitlin said unsurely. Ali continued to comb the wig and smile creepily.

By Caitlin

"Fine! Then me and Ceddie will play.." Caitlin said. "Together...ALONE! Without you.." Caitlin continued, but Ali still didn't flinch.

"AGH! Fine..I'm gonna break your record of people owing me 1500 bucks though.." Caitlin attempted one last time. Ali didn't move, and Caitlin turned and ran upstairs, dragging Cedric with her.

Later

"CEDRIC! ARE YOU READY!" Caitlin yelled from the third floor.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" he yelled. Cedric came downstairs a few moments later, illuminating the room with his beauty. Caitlin sighed.

"So, you up for a manicure first, or do you wanna wat-" Caitlin didn't finish her sentence though, for Ali had just emerged from her room and body slammed her to the ground. Caitlin opened her eyes, her head throbbing with pain, and realized that Ali was wearing the wig that she had so carefully styled earlier.

"CEDRIIIIIC!" she churped, fluffing her fake hair as she spoke. "Ready for some waf--I mean, lobster?" Ali said, beaming up at him. Caitlin smirked, ready for Cedric to laugh and say he was with her tonight.

"Sure, I've been craving some of your lobster all week, Cait," Cedric said, taking her arm. Caitlin gasped.

"OMGWTF?" she yelled angrily. "I'M CAITLIN!" she said. As she stood up, Cedric suddenly looked confused.

"Uh, nuh-uh! I'm Caitlin!" Ali said, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"NO, I'M CAITLIN!" Caitlin reached for her gun, but gasped when she found nothing there. When she looked up, Ali had Caitlin's gun to her head.

"That's what I thought, bitch," Ali said as she put more pressure on the trigger. Caitlin reached up and pulled Ali's wand out of her pocket.

"Avada Kedavra, bitches," she said as a flash of green light shot from the end of her wand. Ali gasped and tried to block it with her wig, but the curse went through the fake hair and hit Cedric.

"CEDRIIIIC!" the two yelled at the same time.

"OMGWTF...YOU KILLED HIM!" Ali screamed


	17. Chapter 17

Cedric grunted, propping himself up from the floor with his elbows.

"No..no, it's alright.. I'm alright.." he grunted, climbing to his feet. "My permed chest hairs repelled the blast.."

Caitlin's eyes began to twinkle. "Oh Cedric..you're so manly.."

Cedric smiled his trademark 'yeah I know I'm a fine-ass motha' smile, glancing down at his hands; the smile faded away slowly, replaced by a look of horror..

Downstairs, the Topless Women began to clean up the huge mess that was..made.

"Bastard..broke my carving knife.." Cody murmured, placing a elmo bandage over the cracked blade. "Heads are gunna roll, baby.. I'll avenge you. Don't you worry, sweetheart.."

Melissa seized all of her hard work (of watching other people do all the work) to watch Cody, who was consoling his knife.

"Be careful, you might cut yourself!" Melissa said, very much concerned.

Cody's head snapped up, glaring at her.

"Bite me." he said simply, before going back to his knife. Behind him, Duncan was pulling a white glove from his waistband...

Suddenly, a highpitched scream from upstairs caused everyone to stop what they were doing; the Topless Women froze for only a few seconds, then immediately rushed towards the stairs to see what was going on. However, they didn't get very far--as a result of rushing towards the kitchen doorway all at once, no one could squeeze past and everyone began to complain in unison.

"Dude, c'mon.." Josh muttered, blowing Carly's hair out of his face.

Harry began to twitch violently. "I can't breathe! I'm claustrophobic!"

"WTF, who just touched my butt?"

"Doug, your hair smells nice.."

"Cody, if you push me one more time, I swear to god.."

"SERIOUSLY, GUYS! I CAN'T BREATHE!"

Rachel squeezed her way out of the cluster, smoothing the wrinkles from her shirt.

"Single file, please! Make two lines. And Cody, put that knife away.." Rachel said.

"Come over here and make me." Cody replied.

Several "OOOOOOOOHHHH's" circulated through the Topless cluster; a few seconds later, Dimitri added a "Rachel's gawn stomp yo' ass!", not realizing how late his reaction was.

Before he could even react, Rachel squinted her eyes at Cody and he collapsed to the floor in a heap. She walked over to him, scooped up his knife and put it in her pocket.

"You'll get this back later, if you're good." she said calmly. She then turned to the others, nodded, and began climbing the stairs.

The Topless Women stared in awe; they never saw Rachel use her special Goddess-y powers before. Another ear piercing shriek shook the Topless Women from their daze and they immediately ran up the stairs in an orderly fashion.

"Oh...my...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD!"

Rachel was the first to enter the room, followed by the others seconds later.

"What's going on?" she asked, looking down at Ali and Caitlin trying to console Cedric, who was fanning himself with his hands.

"I...I..broke another nail!" Cedric blurted, holding his hand out for Rachel to see.

A hand flew to Freddy's mouth, partially concealing his gasp. "That's terrible.."

Doug slowly turned to look at him, giving him a blank stare.

"Uh..I mean...Psh, whateverrr.." Freddy corrected, waving his hand at Cedric. "They'll grow back..no big thing.."

Ali sobbed silently. "S'okay, Ceddie.. I'll have it fixed for you immediately. Doug will pay for you.."

"Say WHA?" Doug blurted, whirling to look at Ali. "Doug will do WHAT?"

"Pay to get Cedric's nails fix. Like you agreed to pay for my car and iPod. Duh." Ali replied. She sighed, turning to Cedric. "Everything will be okay... Ali is here.." She reached up to pull her wig off..

Rachel rubbed her temples, glaring at Cedric. "So, everything okay now..?"

Cedric released a shuddering breath before nodding slowly; next to him, Ali yelped.

"OMG, THE WIG! IT'S LIKE..STUCK!"

"Psh..no surprise. Yo' head so big, it like...is big..and..stuff gets stuck on it.." Caitlin said, ending her comment weakly.

"Just shut up and help me get it off!"

So Caitlin grabbed the top of the blonde wig and pulled as hard as she could to no avail.

"It's stuck." Caitlin said flatly.

"Wait..everyone, line up..we'll pull together!" Rachel ordered, so everyone got in a line and grabbed hold of the person infront of them.

"Watch your hands.." Caitlin muttered, glancing over her shoulder at Josh behind her. "Or I'll get my boyfriend to come over here and pummel yo' ass.."

So together the Topless Women tugged and pulled and tugged while Ali moved herself in the oposite direction.

"Ah, screw this.. it's not coming off.." Sarah said from the back of the line. She released her grip from Brianna's waist, causing Bri to loose her footing and fall backwards, pulling everyone down with her. Sarah left the room without a word, barely glancing at the dogpile of Topless Women or Ali sobbing on the floor in a fetal position.

"What am I going to doooooo!" Ali cried.

Caitlin sighed, rising to her feet. "C'mon, being blonde isn't that bad. Helloooo, I'm blonde! See, it's great!"

Ali stopped crying, staring up at Caitlin with large eyes. Caitlin smiled back down at her, twirling her hair around her index finger.

"...OH MY GOD, I'M GUNNA BE LIKE CAITLIN!" Ali cried, burrying her face in her hands.

Caitlin's face fell. "I know you didn't just go there.." she started, but Rachel stepped infront of her, knealing by Ali.

"..Ali..you're white.." Rachel murmured.

Ali sobbed, kicking her feet around in a tantrum. "OMG, WHY YOU TEASIN' MEEE?"

"Nonono! Look!" Rachel grabbed Ali's arm and held it infront of her face. Ali's eyes widened--her skin had indeed changed color.

"And your eyes...they're blue.." Rachel added. "You look kind've like.."

"ME!" Caitlin blurted, stomping her foot. "WTF, Give me my face back!"

Sarah re-entered the room in the middle of Caitlin's tantrum, looking slightly put-off. "Guys.." she murmured. The topless women (excluding Caitlin, who was tantruming) turned to Sarah.

"WTF, YOU TOTALLY COPIED MY HAIR!" Caitlin shrieked.

"Guys, listen. ..I think I know who's behind all of this.." Sarah started.

"BITCH, I KNOW YOU AINT WEARIN MY SHOES! I DIDN'T EVEN WEAR THEM YET!"

"Who's behind this, Sarah?" Rachel asked.


	18. Chapter 18

"..Saralee."

"WTF, the Bakery lady?" Dimitri asked.

Silence.

"..Oh, wait..nevermind, I remember." Dimitri said, nodding. "Sorry..go ahead."

"Yeah, so..Saralee. I've just received word that she's trying to infiltrate our Headquarters. She created the Famer Girls.. sent them here to spy on our activities..."

"But we got rid of them, didn't we? Turned them to scrap metal and left them in a corner on the fourth floor.." Doug interuptted. Sarah slowly shook her head.

"..They were defeated, or so we thought. ...I just came down from the fourth floor. ..All the pieces are gone.." she said, reaching into her pocket. "All that was left over was this.."

She held up a finger, which twitched slightly, with it's fingernail painted baby blue.

"Well, then that explains it.." Cedric murmured from the back. All the Topless Women turned to look at him.

"S'plains what?" Melissa asked.

"Well, like..when I was leaving my room, I saw the pieces of what was left over of the Famer Girls moving around. And then they started connecting.."

Everyone stared.

"But, I didn't think anything of it. Besides, I was in a hurry.. Caitlin was gunna do my nails!" Cedric finished.

Everyone gasped and began to talk amongst themselves, but Sarah didn't pause to wait for them.

"She's coming after us. I don't know how else to say it, you guys.. but you better be on high alert. Watch your backs.. watch what you come into contact with. She's a professional.. probably knows all of us inside and out. She'll lure you in--playing by your weaknesses.." she glanced at Ali, who was now the complete twin of Caitlin, down to the baby blue painted nails.

"WTF, Caitlin isn't my weakness!" Ali blurted over Caitlin's continued rants.

"Yes, but getting to Cedric is. And you'll do it by any means neccisary.." Sarah replied. "Saralee probably planted that wig for you somewhere were you'd find it.."

Ali glanced down at the floor. "Well..I found it in the cuppard, behind the waffle mix.. and a note was attatched to it." She reached into her pocket, pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Sarah.

Sarah cleared her throat before reading..

'DEAR ALISSANDRA,

USE WISELY. ..AGAINST CAITLIN TO MAKE CEDRIC THINK YOU'RE HER. BRUSH IT 100 TIMES AT THE TOP, THEN FLIP OVER AND BRUSH 100 TIMES IN THE BACK TO ACTIVATE THE-... I MEAN...NEVERMIND.

SINCERLY,

YOUR FRIEND, NOT SARALEE.'

Sarah carefully folded the note and pocketed it. "Saralee. ...She's brilliant. But if we work together, we can defeat the bitch.."

Rachel nodded eagerly; behind her, the other Topless Women huddled together in fear.

"Solike..what if my weakness was cookies..? Would she turn me into a cookie?" Melissa asked.

"No, that sounds a bit too flashy.. even for her. She'd probably just leave a tin of cookies laced with poison at your door and if you ate them, you'd die." Sarah said flatly.

Melissa's eyes began to water.

"I'll continue to keep you all posted." Sarah said after a short pause, glancing at her watch. "Just be cautious. ..And Harry, it's 5:00. Time to make out." she said before leaving the room with Harry rushing after her..

As everyone watched Harry and Sarah walked off to her room, hand in hand, Rachel turned to glare at Ali.

"Oh my god! What?" said Ali, who was still sitting on the floor, tears streaming down her face….a face that now looked like Caitlin's.

"How could you be so stupid as to do what that note said?" Said Rachel, who was straining to keep her voice calm and steady.

"well…like, it said it would help me get Cedr-"

But she didn't get a chance to finish because at that moment Rachel whipped around to Cody, who was trying to sneak his knife out of Rachel's pocket. The topless women gasped….

"Don't make me squint my eyes at you again, Cody."

Cody glared but backed away and mumbled something about the mob. "yeah, thas what I thought dumbass…"said Rachel with a satisfied smile on her face.

Rachel turned back to Ali, who was now glaring up at Caitlin who was kissing Cedric's finger where the nail had broken off….


	19. Chapter 19

It was exactly 6:01 p.m. when Harry left Sarah's room to play wizard's chess with Ron.

She decided to look some things up on her computer. She checked her myspace, talked on imdb, and read fanfiction.

The next thing she new it was 10 pm, and she decided to get some food before going back to her 32 chapter H/R story. She crept down the stairs and noticed someone was at the fridge.

"Hello... Is that you Freddy?"

"No Sarah, It is I, Sirius, back from the veil. I have heard of how you missed me and I decided, after I came back, to visit you and Harry."

"OMG! ITS SIRIUS. IN THE T.W. KITCHEN...EATING BRI'S CHEESE DOODLES!"

Soon someone ran down the stairs. It was Dimitri.

"What's going o-- What the hell? Is that Sirius?"

" No way Dim. OF course its Sirius."

"I want to take you and Harry on a little trip to Grimwauld place." He said, winking at Dimitri.

"Um... Sarah, let's talk in the hall..." said Dimitri.

" Ok..." She replied, a dazed look on her face."

"What is it?" Sarah whispered.

" I think thats Saralee, playing your weekness."

"DAMMIT! Why didn't I see this before... Ok Ive got a plan."

back in the kitchen:

"So, Sirius... Who kept knockin over the stand-y thingy at your house?" Sarah asked, looking smug.

" Um... the House Elf?" answered Sirius, looking nervous.

"WRONG, Saralee."

"DAMN I WAS THIS CLOSE TO GETTING THE LEADER OF THE SARALEE HUNT?"

The next thing she did was she pushed Dim out of the way, and grabbed Sarah, knocked her unconscience, and dragged her away...

the saralee emergency was getting worse by the day..the topless women were turning on each other and cedric was more confused about his gfs than usual..

something had to be done.

A voice came over the loudspeaker.."there will be a topless women meeting at 7 pm tonight to discuss the horrible bakery loving bitc-i mean saralee"

7 pm rolled around and all the topless women were sitting around their table..

Katy and Carly were sitting at their usual places of honor but something was missing..

"wheres Rachel?" asked Katy

"er...i dont know..maybe in her room?"

"cough ok topless women...um...rachel like isnt here...she may have been captured by saralee and we need to like..find her..so everyone form two lines..one behind me and one behind carly" said Katy

they marched up 2 floors to the topless women's bedrooms

they got nervous as they neared Rachel's door..they hoped that they would find her in there takin a nap or some other reasonable reason why she wasnt at the meeting

Carly took a deep breath and opened the door..."OMGWTF!" yelled Carly

Katy ran in front of the door trying to block what was happening..but it was too late..the topless women had seen

the topless women..had seen...PSYK AND RACHEL MAKIN OUT! le gasp

A few of the weak hearted topless women fainted and some of the others just look bored.

Ali and Caitlin stared before yelling at the same time "I KNEW IT!"

"erm...Rachel..Psyk..you guys forget about the topless meeting?" Katy asked

"ya..but wtf Katy you know not to randomly open my door when other ppl are around.."

more gasps were heard around the room

"You knew about this Katy!" yelled Bridget

cough "um...ya...look its not a big deal..what IS a big deal is that saralee bitch..we need to have our meeting like NOW"

so they ALL went down to their huge ass table to discuss the saralee crisis


	20. Chapter 20

It was a Saturday morning at the Topless Headquarters, and the Topless Women found themselves all sitting in their rooms (cept for Ali, Caitlin, Katy, Maggie, Sarah, and Carly, who were in their boyfriends rooms).

Carly had her chin rested on her hand, frickin bored. Peter was acting out another scene from Chronicles of Narnia. She stared straight ahead of her, fully unaware that Peter was about to jump off the bed.

"And then, I LEAPED," there was a thud on the floor and a quiet moan. "OOF! And..jumped right in front of..Edmund.." Peter gasped, rubbing his chest.

Carly paid no attention. Every time she tried to leave, he would suddenly remember she was in the room and drag her back, saying, "Only one more, I PROMISE!" She sighed deeply just as Peter had drawn his sword and had squewered a Cedric beanie baby Ali had left in the room. (O.C- xD Ali..just pretend it didn't get flushed..) One of the tiny beans hit Carly in the eye, and it was only then she came out of her trance.

"I told you no mayo!" she yelled. Peter looked at her for a moment, before she coughed and said, "I mean...I have to..help Sarah with the Saralee case...see you," she finished, and she booked it outta the room before he called her back.

Carly strolled along the 4th floor, glancing in various rooms as she went. When she passed Draco's room, she heard Katy giggling, and what sounded like whipped cream being sprayed...and a crayon box being shaken.

She passed Harry's room and heard Sarah yelling at Harry.

"I TOLD you, you look fine!" she yelled.

"But Sarah, look at this zit! LOOK AT IT! It's frickin ginormous!" Harry argued.

"Harry, I don't have the money to buy you a stick every week! You've gone through 8 just this month!" Sarah yelled. Carly moved on, coming up on Ron's room.

"Come on...you know that Wizard's Chess is fun!" Ron was pleading. Carly glanced in and saw an irritated Maggie on the bed, Ron on the floor with a game of Wizard's Chess in front of him.

"Pfft..not as fun as Peter's Narnia scenes," she said, a dreamy look appearing on her face.

"Wot?" Ron said angrily. "Carly...she's not keeping her end of the deal!" he said, standing up. Carly sprinted down the hall and ducked into Cedric's room. She heard Ron run past a few seconds later yelling, "CARLY! YOU CAN'T HIDE!"

"Like, what are you doing here?" Carly spun around and found Caitlin and Freddy holding up various belts in their hands.

"Sorry..I'm just..hiding.." Carly panted. (OC- the fourth floor is big..xD)

"Oh..well, you can help. Cedric is with Ali," she snorted after she said this, "something about teaching him to make waffles..ANYWAY.." she continued, "Which belt says "Cedric, I love you more than Ali" better?" She held up two belts. One was bright pink and had hearts and pictures of Cedric all over it, and the other was black with rhinestones spelling out "Cedric, I love you more than Ali".

"Er.." Carly said, secretly thinking that they were both hideous.

"I TOLD you Caitlin," Freddy interrupted. "They're both..both.." he paused. "Hideous.." he finished.

"Psh..you're just mad cause I didn't pick yours with the "Sex Kitten" rhinestones," Caitlin huffed.

Carly quietly snuck out of the room before the fight turned to a ziplock war. She ran downstairs and bumped into Melissa and Carrie, who were apparently POed about something.

"What is it?" Carly asked.

"It's Dimitri..he's all OVER that girl!" Melissa burst out.

"Shyeah, you think he'd have a little dignity.." Carrie agreed.

"Who are you talking about?" Carly asked.

"Jessica...she's the milkwoman. She came to our door, and Dimitri opened it, and they met and stuff.." Carrie said.

"She's got brown hair. Tall. Likes Doug's shampoo and tries to always steal it from him. Always has a snack on her, but is not fat. Blue Eyes. Constantly talks." Melissa said. (OC- xD those were Dimitri's exact words..)

"Ooh.." Carly said, eager to meet her. "What does everyone else think of he-" but just then Doug had burst from the bathroom, screaming.

"GET THE FCK AWAY FROM ME!" he yelled, wearing a towel, his hair still full of shampoo. A tall, brown haired girl with blue eyes and a Little Debbie snack in her hand walked out of the bathroom, looking as though nothing had happened.

"What? I just wanted to smell it.." she said. Melissa and Carrie slowly started inching towards Carrie's room, but Jessica spotted them.

"OMG MELISSA AND CARRIE!" she said, pointing at them with her Little Debbie brownie. "WHERE YA HEADIN?" she asked, but before they had time to answer, Dimitri burst into the room, an odd expression on his face. He was carrying a single red rose.

"Jessica," he said nervously. She turned to him, and the second she looked away, Melissa and Carrie ran to Carrie's room, leaving Carly all alone.

"Jessica..I..just wanted to say..that the moment I saw you lay milk on our porch..I..couldn't breathe, you were so pretty..." Dimitri said nervously. Jessica was staring at him, her eyes huge and chewing her brownie with her mouth wide open.

"So-so, I was wondering..do you want to..to..go with me to the snack store?" he finished quickly. Jessica let out a squeal of delight and jumped in his arms, and he carried her downstairs. Carly sighed.


	21. Chapter 21

"Aw..young love," she said.

"OMG I KNOW!" came Ali's voice from behind Carly. She turned to find Ali, who was still Caitlin's twin, clutching Cedric's arm with one hand, a plate of burnt looking waffles in the other.

"Don't they make a sweet cou-"

"I mean..Cedric and I are SOO adorable together, don't ya think?"

"Well, yeah..I guess s-"

"And aren't Cedric's waffles wonderful?" Ali cooed, completely ignoring Carly's statement.

"Er.." Ali glared at her, warning her.."OF COURSE! Well-well done Cedric," Carly said, glancing down at the black crumbs on the plate. Just then she saw Caitlin strutting down the stairs, sporting her black belt with "Cedric, I love you more than Ali" on it. Freddy looked very disgruntled behind her, wearing his "Sex Kitten" belt.

"OMGWTF?" Caitlin asked when she saw Ali clutching Cedric's arm. Ali spun around, and at the sight of Caitlin's belt, her face went blank. "WTF is that?" Caitlin added when she saw the waffles.

"It's Cedric's waffles.." Ali blurted out. Cedric was looking between them very..confusedly.

"What? I didn't make any waffles.." he said, and Ali nudged him hard in the ribs. He obviously didn't get the message though..cause he like...kept talking. "Ali..or..Caitlin..made them," he said. Carly and Caitlin gasped.

"You're a fraud!" Caitlin accused Ali. "I KNEW I saw you bring in the Eggos last week!"

"What? No..I.." Ali said, struggling to find the words.."I..don't know what your talking about, Ali!" Ali yelled, smirking. "Everyone knows that Caitlin can't make waffles, and that Caitlin was with Cedric this morning!"

"WTF? I'M CAITLIN!" Caitlin yelled.

"No, I'M CAITLIN!" Ali yelled back.

"ME!"

"ME!"

Carly left, again trying to avoid being hit with Caitlin's ziplock bags..and sure enough, just as she stepped on the stairs, she heard a shot fired, and a loud THUMP, meaning she had hit her target.

She went into the kitchen, where she found David, Josh, Cody, and Doug, who was still in his towel and had shampoo in his hair, all sitting at the table reading various magazines. Cody was reading "Weapon's Weekly", Josh reading "Emma Watson News", David reading "Let's Talk Bubbles", and finally, Doug was reading, "The Herbal Essences Times". Doug turned his magazine sideways, where a flip out picture fell, and his eyes got huge. He let out a loud whistle.

"That's one FIIIINE Cucumber Melon," he said softly. Carly cleared her throat, and they all looked up.

"What?" Cody said impatiently.

"Er...has anyone seen Rachel?" Carly asked. Josh opened his mouth to answer, but just then, they heard a high pitched scream from Brianna coming from the front door. They all got up and ran to the door, and stopped short at what they saw.

Brianna was hugging Bridget, who had gone..away for..something...for a long time.

"OMG BRIDGET!" they all yelled, just as the rest of the Topless Women had run downstairs. (OC- all but Ali, who had just been ziplocked. xD)

"HI GUYS!" Bridget exclaimed, and the next five minutes had the Topless Women taking turns hugging Bridget. When they were done, Bridget smiled and said, "And look who I brought!" she said excitedly, and in walked James Franco. All the girls went temporarily still, taking in his hotness. Sarah snapped out of it the quickest though.

"Hold it!" she said, walking towards James. She looked him squarely in the eyes. "How do we know he isn't Saralee?"

"DUN DUN DUN!" Freddy said dramatically. (OC- xDD Boy Meets World reference there)

"Cause..he isn't," Bridget said simply.

"DUN DUN DUN!" Freddy said again.

"Prove it.." Sarah replied.

"DUN DUN DUN!"

There was silence, and when no one had an answer, Rachel stepped forward slowly and dramatically.

"Bring him.." she said shortly, and David and Doug stepped forward and grabbed James's arms, taking him to the kitchen.

"DUN DUN DUN!"

"OMGAH..STFU FREDDY!" Caitlin yelled, and they walked silently into the kitchen.

Doug and David deposited James onto a single chair placed in the middle of the kitchen. A single light was transfixed over the chair, leaving the rest of the kitchen in complete darkness.

"Would anyone mind telling me what's going on here?" James asked no one in particular; although he couldn't see them, he knew the Topless Women were lurking around him in the dark.

"Sure, Franco. We'll be more than happy to answer all of your questions.." someone said from behind James. "...IF THAT'S WHAT YOUR REAL NAME IS!"

James barely flinched as Sarah burst through the light and shoved her face directly into his grill.

"Where were you exactly one week prior to this date?" Sarah asked without hesitation, staring James directly in the eye.

"Annapolis premiere" James replied simply.

Sarah began to pace around the chair, staring him down. "Nice cheekbones. You must've paid a fortune.."

"They're naturual."

"BULLSHIT!" Someone yelled from within the shadows. "Cedric's are real! Yours look all..not real!"

"Shut up, Caitlin.." an older male voice mumbled.

"Are you seeing anyone?" Sarah asked, not missing a beat.

"Well.." James started.

"How much wood could a wood-chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" Sarah said quickly, inturrupting him.

James' arm began to twitch at his side. "Aah.."

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" someone cried. "JAAAAAMES!"

"Tell me, Mr. Franco..do you like..water?" Sarah asked, walking out of James' line of vision.

James began to rub nervously at his neck while his other arm continued to spasm at his side. He looked up to find Sarah standing infront of him with a jug of water in hand.

"W..hat do you plan on doing with that?" James asked hesitantly.

Sarah simply smirked, tipping the jug towards him.

"Alright, ENOUGH."

Sarah lowered the jug and stepped back from the chair to give James room to stand.

"You..figured me out." James said. "I'm not James Franco"

"You're a sick bitch, Saralee..you know that? You're under arrest for pissing us off and being ugly..." Sarah said, reaching for her handcuffs(OC: xD I'm making Sarah Sheriff of the Topless..Squadron, cause..like..well, I just did. And Carly can be Deputy)

"Wait, what? I don't know what you're talking about." James said, holding his hands up as a shield. "I don't know who this Saralee is, but..my real name is Caines Franco. See, James is my brother, but he's all like..better looking than me, so..I pretended to be him to get chicks."

"YOU DECIEVED ME!" someone cried.

"Psh, I knew he wasn't James Franco. He doesn't even look anything like him.." someone else added.

"Shut up, Caitlin.." an older male voice mumbled..again.

"No, look!" Caitlin said, stomping into the light. "Right here! He's missing an eyebrow hair! How can you not have noticed that? It's like, duuuuh!"

Random snorts were heard coming from the shadows.

Caine winced as Caitlin prodded at his brow. A look of saddness crossed his features. "..See? I wasn't blessed with a complete set of brow hairs like my brothers.."

"So, whats up with the water phobia then?" Sarah asked.

"Oh..I, uh..got a bad spray tan, so I gotta use makeup to cover it up..otherwise I'd look like an Oompa Loompa.." Caines admitted.

"Wow, looks great!" someone chirped from the shadows. "What product do you use? Cause, see, I'm trying to cover this zit I have, but my girlfriend said--"

"Just..go." Sarah said, inturrupting Harry. "Go and never return."

Caines silently exited the kitchen(but not before bumping into the wall nearest the exit, cause like..theres no light) and walked towards the front door. At the same time, Ali was coming down the stairs, rubbing her head.

"I'd like to see her try that again..nearly gave me a concussion.." Ali muttered to herself. She looked up and saw Caines nearing the front door.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHJAMESFRANCOILOVEYOUYOUSOFIIIIIIIINE!" Ali shrieked at the Top of her lungs.

"Hm?" Caines murmured, turning around just in time to see a blonde girl hurl herself from the 3rd step from the top of the staircase coming towards him..


	22. Chapter 22

The Topless Women filed out of the Kitchen like a herd of wild animals, stopping in the entrence hall to find Ali perched ontop of Caines Franco.

"..You're not James Franco.." Ali murmured.

"Yeah, I believe I mentioned that before you bodyslammed me into the ground.." Caines grunted. "I..can't feel my arm.."

"You're missing an eyebrow hair." she continued.

Sarah frowned. "Wait, what did you say?"

"I said he was missing an eyebrow ha--"

"No, I HEARD you!" Sarah snapped. "This..isn't good.." she murmured after a short pause.

"OMG, Did not I just say that? Did not I just tell you that he was missing an eyebrow hair? " Caitlin blurted a bit impatiently.

"YES! But, see..only YOU would come up with such an irrelavent statement.." Sarah replied.

"Well, Ali just said so too!" Caitlin offered.

Sarah slowly nodded, hoping Caitlin would put two and two together.

"So you're saying.." Caitlin started.

"Yes..?"

"That Ali is.."

"Yes..?"

"..A Copy-cat?" Caitlin finished. "Like we didn't already know that."

Sarah threw her arms up in exasperation.

Ali climbed off of Caines, coughing loudly. "Uhm..Ex-SQUEEZE me, but if I noticed he was here, I would've said the eyebrow thing before you."

"Bitch please."

"Bitch please my buns! I noticed Cedric permed his armpit hairs before you!"

"Girl, I noticed. I just, like..didn't wanna say anything because..I didn't!"

Doug turned away from the arguing girls, looking up to find Cedric walking up the stairs.

'Wasn't he already upstairs..?' Doug thought to himself.

Little by little, Most of the Topless Women started to disband, going upstairs to their own rooms, with Ali and Caitlin's arguing voices floating up the stairs after them.

"YEAH? WELL, REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME YOUR LOBSTER DISSAPEARED?"

"OMG, YOU DID THAT!"

Sarah glanced at her watch; almost an hour and 20 minutes had passed since the argument started. Part of her just wanted to break them up, but the other part could care less.

'I should go up and get to work..' she thought to herself. As she started climbing the stairs, the PDA on her waistband started to beep loudly.

'WTF..' She thought, flipping it open. The screen flashed a violent red.

Sarah cursed under her breath, running all the way up to the 3rd floor at full speed. She bolted down the hallway--squeezing past Melissa and Cedric chatting in the middle of the hall--ran all the way up the stairs leading to the fourth floor, down the hall once more and stopped at Peter's door, pushing it open.

"She's at it again. My scanner picked up a signal. ..There's someone in the house that shouldn't be here.." Sarah said, speaking in rushed tones, ignoring the fact that her partner and Peter were currently in a very..procarious position.

"Caines? Didn't he leave already.." Carly said, her voice slightly hoarse.

"It's not him. Someone else. Let's GO." Sarah said, whirling around to face Carly. "You guys can play Twister later."

Carly groaned as she rolled off the mat. "Put the game up for me, would you Peter? And fold the mat NICELY. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that..!"

Carly and Sarah slowly decended the stairs to the fourth floor, staying close to the walls.

"Stay close." Sarah said blankly, pumping up her watergun. Carly cast her a sideways look.

"Whats with the water gun..?" she asked.

"Just incase we run into some of Saralee's spies. Possibly the Famer girls--they'd rust if in contact with water.."

Carly slowly nodded. "So, like..why do I have this for?" She held up a plastic fork.

"..Cause I couldn't think of anything else to give you. And to make you feel protected.." Sarah replied.

The Topless Squadron crept all the way into the 3rd floor hallway, waving their weapons out infront of themselves all..threatening-like. Carly tapped Sarah on the shoulder and nodded to a closed door at the far end of the hallway.

"..The bathroom?" Sarah hissed. "What are we going to find the-.."

Carly placed a hand on Sarah's mouth, motioning for silence. Listening carefully, Sarah heard an odd 'sloshing' sound coming from the bathroom.

Nodding to each other, the girls silently made their way towards the door.

Carly turned to Sarah and whispered "We'll open in three.."

Sarah raised her watergun, aiming at the door.

"..Two.."


	23. Chapter 23

Sarah jumped forward, kicking the door in with her heel.

"DON'T MOVE!" She shouted, aiming her gun at two individual's in the bathtub.

"..Katy? Dr..aco?" Carly murmured from behind Sarah.

"There's only one way to find out.." Sarah said flatly.

Katy and Draco squeeled as drops of ice cold water rained down upon them.

"WTF ARE YOU DOING!" Katy shrieked, wiping water from her eyes.

Sarah lowered her gun. "Nice to see you, Katy.."

"Er..wait. They're already in the water.." Carly said slowly. "So..the whole squirting thing really wasn't nessiscary.."

"Let's go, we've got Topless Women to protect.." Sarah said, walking out of the bathroom.

Carly reluctantly followed after her, waving at Katy and Draco over her shoulder.

"Enjoy your..bath!"

"Are you sure it's alright?" Melissa asked, glancing up at Cedric.

"Sure, sure. I told Rachel we'd be back in about an hour.." Cedric replied, holding the front door open for Melissa.

Melissa fidgeted where she stood, peering out through the door at a large black van waiting at the end of the driveway. The van had a large, red 'S' painted on the side of it.

"What did you say the 'S' stood for?" Melissa asked.

"Sausage." Cedric said quickly.

"I thought you said it stood for Sexy." Melissa said suspiciously.

"Yeah, that..too. It stands for alot of things that could describe me. I'm Sexy, and sausage is my favorite food.." Cedric muttered.

"I thought your favorite food was cheese?" Melissa inquired.

Cedric leaned against the door. "Yeah, cheese. That's my better favorite. You ready to go?"

"AHA!" Melissa blurted. "THE REAL CEDRIC IS LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND REQUIRES SKIM..CHEESE(xD Stoled that from Caitlin from the pizza fic)"

Cedric's eyes went dark. "Get in the van.."

"Get in the van.." Saralee-as-Cedric said again

"F uck no!" cried Melissa, "I'm not getting into no van of yours! ...ho!"

Melissa fumbled around in her pockets..

"What are you doing?" shrieked Saralee as she tried to grab Mel's hands

But it was too late. Mel had pulled out her Saralee Alarm Bullhorn (haha i almost wrote bullfrog..). She gave a loud blast on it and then another

Saralee grabbed the horn and threw it to the ground. She stomped on it, breaking it.

"Listen you little bitch. None of them care about you and none of them will save you. So you might as well get into this van with me."

Mels face which until then had been semi scared suddenly turned very dark indeed. "Did. You. Just. Call. Me...little?"

Saralee looked nervous..

"OH HELL NO!" and Mel attacked her.

Spaz was up in Harry's room wrestling on the bed with him.

"Give me the f uckin makeup Harry!"

"NO! NO! SPAZ..I NEED IT! I NEED IT FOR MY DATE WITH DRACO!"

Spaz stopped, "WHAT did you just say!"

Katy ran into the room, "WTF DID HE JUST SAY!"

Spaz got off the bed and backed up until she was standing next to Katy. They both stared at Harry.

and stared

and stared

Finally Spaz cleared her throat and turned to Katy

"This could be saralee trying to mess with our heads.." Spaz whispered

"It better be..there is NO h/d s hit in this house..." Katy whispered back

Just then they heard 2 loud blasts from a Saralee Alarm Bullhorn

They looked at each other.

"F uckin Saralee..if shes outside..then.." Spaz seemed lost..

"Damnit...ok Spaz..handcuff..er..harry...and we'll come back to him."

Spaz handcuffed Harry to the bed. She stopped for a second having difficulty pulling herself away from Harry handcuffed to a bed but the sounds of fighting from outside drew her attention back to the task at hand.

"ok lets go"

Spaz and Katy ran down the four flights of stairs followed by many other Topless Women. They reached the front lawn and saw Saralee (cuz she changed back from looking like Cedric) on the ground with Melissa on top of her pinning her hands behind her back.

"can..erf..someone..help me with this bitch?" melissa said while wrestling with the squirming saralee.

Spaz rushed over but then realized she didnt have her handcuffs..

"oh f uck.." she said

Melissa looked up her momentarily directing her attention off Saralee.

Saralee kicked Mel using some crazy-impossible-flexible kick..

"Ow..F UCK! thats gonna leave a mark..."

"STOP HER!" Katy, Spaz, Draco, Cedric (the real one), Cody, Maggie, and Psyk all yelled at once

They looked at each other "that was cool..we all like said the same thing at the same ti-"

"SHES GETTING AWAY!"

"NOT on my watch!" Cody yelled. He pulled out a knife ("Cody! I thought i took away all ur weapons!" Caitlin yelled) and threw it at Saralees van. It crashed thru her front window but unfortunately missed the whore..

The topless women could only stare as Saralee drove off.

After staring for a few minutes Spaz and Katy looked at each other

"HARRY!"

They ran back up fourth floors..but then had to rest..because i mean..damn four floors..

Finally they went back into Spaz and Harry's room. Harry was still handcuffed and looking very uncomfortable.

Spaz sighed "are you Harry James Potter?" she asked whatever it was lying on the bed..

"erm..ya..."

"oh really..." Spaz thought for a second then randomly yelled, "YOUR GODFATHER DIED!" a tear trickled down her cheek but she got the effect she wanted out of Harry.

Harry started laughing

"Wtf..." Katy said. "shouldnt he be crying..or trying to break stuff..or feeling guilty since it was like...his fault"

"...lets not get into that...this isnt harry!"

gasp

Spaz reached into her pocket and pulled out a damp hankerchief "I keep this in case of emergencies.."

Katy gave her a weird look but shrugged it off.

Spaz reached towards "harry" with the hankerchief

"NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Harry" screamed

Spaz wiped "his" face thoroughly and stood back.

Katy gasped...again...

"WTF! ITS PANSY BITCH ASS PARKINSON!"

Pansy looked back at them. "dont call me a bitch you ho."

Katy got a mad gleam in her eye. "are those handcuffs tight...she cant like escape..."

Spaz got a worried look on her face.."um..Katy..lets just..um...NOT torture her.."

"ya..torture...huh? no torture? but she like...wrote that fanfic saying she had sex with Draco." Katy glared at her again

"Yes i know but we shouldnt sink to her level..at least until we find out where Harry is.."

"Harry? oh right..harry..." she stepped over to Pansy and punched her.."WHERES HARRY!"

"OW wtf! hes in the damn wardrobe (hehe)..havent u heard him banging and screaming this whole time!"

Spaz and Katy looked over towards the wardrobe..there was a yelling coming from it. Spaz opened the door and Harry fell out.

"OMG SPAZ!" he cried and swept her up into a passionate kiss.

Katy took the time to punch Pansy again.

"ok..so Pansy...erm...why the f uck did u pretend to be harry?"

Pansy rolled her eyes, "well i figured since u were such a h/d shipper that if i was harry i could get with draco..."

Spaz held Katy back.

"Look..how bout i go and get draco and we can sort this out." Spaz said before she left with Harry to get Draco.

There was a green flash behind her but she ignored it. Spaz came back with Draco soon after to find Katy sitting on the bed alone.

"um..what did u want to show me Spaz?" Draco asked.

"um...me of course..." Katy replied.

"oh...ok" and then they like...went off to their bedroom..

Spaz sighed..she flopped down on her bed. A compact hit her hand.

"F uckin makeup" she muttered before throwing it out the window


	24. Chapter 24

For four straight nights, the Topless Women HQ was on high alert. ..Well, higher alert--ever since the most recent Saralee accident.

In the living room, Freddy sat on the couch, tiredly surfing through channels.

'900 channels and nothing to watch..' Freddy thought to himself; he felt his eyelids getting heavy with sleep and didn't hear footsteps nearing him.

"Freddy.." A hand dropped onto Freddy's shoulder and he jumped up from the couch.

"DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS, BITCH! YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE!" Freddy blurted.

Duncan's eyes traveled down slowly to Freddy's weapon of choice; behind him, Doug shook his head silently.

"What are you going to do? Mute us?" Duncan said flatly, staring at the tv remote in Freddy's quivering hand. Doug stepped forward, pushing Freddy's hand down.

"We're here to relieve you. You can go to bed now.." he said.

Freddy nodded, rubbing his eyes. "What..day is it?"

Duncan pulled up his shirt, peering down at the waistband of his boxers peeking over his pajama pants; The word 'Wednesday' was printed numerous times in bold black lettering. Freddy's eyes lit up immediately.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS!" he blurted out of no where. Doug immediately rushed forward to quiet him down.

"I don't think..now is the right time to be thinking about pizza. Saralee is still at large.." Doug whispered, ignoring the hurt look on Freddy's face.

"Fine.." Freddy said simply, exiting the room with his head hung low. He slowly climbed the stairs to the third floor and was almost halfway to his room when he saw Harry at the end of the hallway, looking distraught..

"Harry?" Freddy asked as he aproached the bespecticled youth(OC: omg, I spelled that wrong..sorry. xD) "What's the matter?"

"Do you know where Sarah hid my consealer?" Harry demanded immediately.

"...Er, no.." Freddy started. Harry cursed under his breath.

"But, you could use some of mine if you'd like." Freddy offered. Harry suddenly looked uncomfortable.

"Er..sorry, Fredd-o..but drugstore cosmetics..make a guy look cheap." Harry said before continuing down the hall, looking left and right as if expecting his make up to just be hanging on the wall or something..

At this point, something inside Freddy snapped. The veins in his temple began to throb, and his muscles began to grow at an awkward rate, causing his clothes to tear at the seams; his skin started turning brighter and brighter.

"YOU!" He shouted in a voice so unlike his own (OC: As I write this, I'm thinking of like.. Scorpion from Mortal Kombat. The voice when he's all like "GET OVER HERE!" xDD) Harry whirled around.

"GET OVER HERE!" (OC: Couldn't resist. xD)

Harry took off down the stairs, leaving Freddy no choice but to pursue him; several Topless Women stumbled tiredly from their rooms, peeking down the hall just in time to see a buff-looking orange man tromp down the stairs (OC: xD Is tromp a word? I couldn't think of anything else..)

"WTF.. It's way too damn early.." Caitlin said, stiffling a yawn behind her hand.

"It's noon." Rachel said, walking out of her room completely dressed and looking refreshed. "Lunch time!"

"OMG, I missed breakfast!" Ali shrieked, her blonde head bobbing under the pink rollers in her hair. (OC: You might call em curlers. I call em rollers. xD) "Damn you, Caitlin! Damn you, and your body..makin' me miss the most important meal of the day.."

"Cry me a river.." Caitlin muttered, walking towards the stairs. "One day won't kill you."

"Too bad.." Ali muttered back, following after her. "Like it'd matter.. I'm STILL you."

Downstairs, the Topless Women gathered in the kitchen, trying to force their way into the fridge all at once.

"WTF, CODY! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DRINK DIRECTLY FROM THE CARTON! It's not YOURS. How many times do I have to tell you!" Katy shrieked, shaking her finger at Cody who was busy helping himself to the milk carton.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Cody said simply. Katy blinked at him.

"Really?" she asked, tilting her head to one side.

"Yeah, it's not my milk.." Cody said.

He pulled a marker from his back pocket and popped the cap off, scribbling something on the side of the carton before placing it back in the fridge where just about everthing inside carried the same scribble.

"But it is now." he finished.

Katy's eye twitched. "You son of a.."

"BITCH!" a loud voice boomed. The Topless Women turned around to find the orange man from earlier holding Harry by the throat just a foot from the floor.

"Let him go. Before I get sick of talking and decide to just whoop yo' ass." Sarah said bluntly while putting the finishing touches on her ham, turkey and cheese sandwhich.

Before Freddy could reply, someone shrieked loudly..and stuff.

"What is it Melissa? Did you cut yourself? Didn't I tell you to use a plastic knife?" Carly scolded, walking over to Melissa, who stood infront of the open pantry, mouth agape.

"I-i-it's.." Melissa stuttered.

"Let's go upstairs..I'll clean it up for you." Carly said, tugging lightly on Melissa's sleeve.

"IT'S SARALEE!" Melissa cried. Carly looked up into the pantry just in time to see Saralee jump out, lookin' like a fool with her clipboard and pencil.

"Finally.." she said in her evil raspy voice.

"Excuse me, Saralee?" Rachel murmured, stepping forward with Doug just a couple feet behind her. The rest of the Topless Women backed up against the wall--even the orange man, who like..turned back to Freddy again.

Saralee began scribbling onto the clipboard, occasionally glancing up to look at the Topless Women.

"Don't take this the wrong way..but I need you to get the hell up outta here.." Rachel admitted. Doug nodded calmly behind her, twitching slightly when Saralee's head suddenly snapped up to look at them.

"Any..particular reason why?" she asked in her raspy-ass bitchhoeskankheffa voice.

"Cause you an ugly ho." Sarah said flatly, walking away from the far wall to stand next to Doug.

"And we hate you." Melissa added. Saralee shot her a look and Melissa simply flicked her off.

Saralee nodded slowly. "..Yeah, I can understand that."

"So will you please leave?" Rachel asked, tapping her foot impatiently.

"..No." Saralee said simply and resumed writing. Rachel's eyes started shrinking into small slits, but Doug placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll handle this." he said. Cody pushed past both Rachel and Doug, seperating them.

"Screw this. I'LL handle it." he said, rolling up his sleeves; Rachel grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him back behind her violently.

"You're not about to hit any girls in this house, Cody." She snapped.

"Girl? Rachel, that there is a ho!" Sarah blurted, pointing at Saralee.

While Sarah, Rachel and Cody argued amonst themselves, Ali and Caitlin pressed themselves against the wall and walked the parimeter of the kitchen, eventually nearing the oven, which Caitlin carefully opened..

"Just one small punch.." Cody said, lunging forward again, only to have Rachel pull him back again.

"Do you want a time out? Because I'm about to give you one." Rachel snapped.

Saralee, too busy recording Cody and Rachel's behaviours onto her clipboard, failed to notice Ali sneak up behind her.

"FEEL MY WRATH!" Ali shrieked, shoving Saralee towards the oven giving Caitlin the opportunity to jump behind her and gave her a swift kick in the ass.

"WTF, Aren't you going to stop them?" Cody demanded, pointing at Ali and Caitlin doubleteaming on Saralee. Rachel cast a glance over her shoulder, watching Ali and Caitlin take turns kicking Saralee, before turning back to Cody.

"..One hit." Rachel said quietly. "Just one!"

And for the first time in his life, Cody beamed up at Rachel before running over to Ali and Caitlin, who were attempting to stuff Saralee into the preheated oven.

"Aren't they so cute at that age?" Rachel asked, smiling up at Doug. Turning away from Rachel, Doug watched Cody drive his heel into Saralee's back, causing her to fall into the oven.

"OMG, CLOSE IT!" Caitlin shrieked, pushing the oven door closed with the assistance of Ali.

Doug turned to Rachel again, who was still smiling at him; he thought it'd be wise to just not say anything at all.

"YEAH!" Ali shrieked at the oven door. "I'm from the streets, BITCH! Get back, get back--you don't know me like DAT! G-UNIT! WHAT, BOI? WHAT? You WISH you had skills like me! How you gunna rip it like this, SON? HOW YOU GUNNA RIP IT LIKE DAT, SON? I don't PLAY DAT because it's action..!"

"Ew, WTF..don't say that! Everyone will think it's me!" Caitlin cried. The Topless Women gathered in a tight circle around Doug and Rachel (except for Ali, who was doing the Carlton dance infront of the oven door), cheering at the top of their lungs.

"WHO ARE WE!" Katy shouted.

"TOPLESS WOMEN!" everyone cried in unison.

"WHAT DO WE WANT?"

The Topless Women fell silent.

"..Well, I'm kinda hungry. Right now, I'm..thinking I want a sandwhich.." Dimitri said after the awkward 10 second silence.

Around him there were murmurs of agreement; the Topless Women started moving towards the fridge when a loud explosion from the oven..happens and stuff; the impact of the explosion sends every Topless Women airbourne, slamming into the oposite wall.

"Shit, I broke another nail.." Cedric coughed behind the smoke. Ali and Caitlin crawled over to him, imediately soothing him.

"OMG, LOOK!" Bridget shrieked, pointing ahead. Following Bridget's finger with their eyes, the Topless Women found themselves staring into the flames of hell and the eyes of death. Saralee--engulfed in flames from head to toe--slowly shuffled towards the group, her eyes darting around to look directly into each of theirs.

"I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'm not scared.." Ali murmured into Cedric's armpit. She looked up to find Saralee staring at her. "Psh..I aint scared. Bitch, you aint gunna do nothin'.."

Saralee slowly raised a finger.

"...AHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT. BYE GUYS!" Ali jumped to her feet and made a break for the door, but Saralee was faster and cut her off halfway. Saralee smirked eerily at the rollers in Ali's hair.

"The fck you laughin' at? Never seen pink rollers before!" Ali snapped. Saralee's smirk vanished, replaced with the most evil look ever.

"..Justkiddingimsorry" Ali breathed, slowly backing away from Saralee's advances.

"ALI, DUCK!" Sarah shouted, pushing away from the wall with a gun in hand.

Ali dove out of the way as Sarah pulled the trigger; a single droplet of water came out, landing several inches from Saralee's flaming feet.

"..Alright, who the HELL used up all the water in my gun?" Sarah snapped, whirling around to face her fellow women. She scanned each one of their faces with her eyes, stopping at Melissa who was concentrating a bit to hard on a crack in the ceiling.

"Dammit Melissa!"

"Whaaat? I was bored!" Melissa replied, nervously picking at her nails.

"Yeah, well you know what? WE 'BOUT TO DIE! And look, one of my rollers fell out! Now my hair won't be perfectly curled when I meet my end! I hope you feel good about yourself!" Ali snapped--slightly muffled by her facedown position on the floor.

Saralee sent a single fireball towards Sarah, knocking the gun out of her hands.

"..All I wanted was to experiment you..." she said, begining to pace infront of the Topless Women. With every step she took, the floor began to catch fire. "But you like..wouldn't let me.."

While Saralee continued to speak, Ali pulled out her wand and flicked it towards some knives sitting on the counter..

"Winguardium..leviosa.." she whispered. With a loud pop, Hermione Granger aparated behind Ali.

"IT'S LEVIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSUH! NOT LEVIOSAH!" She blurted, causing Saralee to look over at them.

"DAMMIT, HERMIONE! YOU AND YOUR BIG MOUTH!" Ron shouted from next to Maggie.

"Ronald! There you are!" Hermione said, completely ignoring the flaming girl staring at her and Ron's comment. "I missed you!"

Ron tugged uncomfortably on his collar, glancing at Maggie. "Er.."

"WINGUARDIUM LEVIOOOOOOOOOOSA!" Ali shrieked, sending dozens of knives over to Cody, who caught them all with ease.

"EAT METAL, BITCH!" Cody yelled, tossing a knife directly at Saralee's heart. Saralee sent it away with a simple fireball and barely dodged the second knife which was thrown shortly after the first.

The Topless Women watched in awe as Cody continued throwing knives like a true professional; Josh even began commentary on Cody's technique.

"I call this one", he said, "The Twisted Hammock. ..Just cause I think it sounds good. ..Oh, and this one? The whirlwind--legend has it that this was the first move he invented. Started perfecting it right in the womb.."

Several "Oooohs" and "Ahhhs" circulated through the group. Cody did a quick spin, jumped into the air (clicking his heels together while airbourne), landed, did three backflips and a short version of the Robot dance before chucking two knives at once.

Sarah dropped down to the floor and army crawled towards her fallen gun, retrieving it. She then crawled to the sink and refilled it with water, turning away from the sink just as Cody tossed his final knife.

"HEY SARALEE! OMG, IS THAT JAMES FRANCO BEHIND YOU!" Sarah shrieked.

"WHERE!" Bridget and Saralee cried in unison, looking around in every which direction. Sarah smirked, rasing her gun to take the shot.

'This is it. Bitch is goin' down..'

"AQUALAMOS!" Hermione bellowed, waving her wand over Saralee's head. Water suddenly appeared, cascading down over Saralee's body leaving the poor fool burnt and shrivled. Smirking, Hermione put her wand away.

"..GREAT JOB, HERMIONE!" Harry shouted, rushing over to his friend. The rest of the boyfriends followed suit, surrounding the bushy haired girl and filling her with praises.

"Aw hell nah.." Ali said, still face down on the floor.

"STFU, Ali.. you can't see whats going on.." Caitlin said.

"Girl, I have a sixth sense. I call it the 'Bitches foolin' with my man' sense.." Ali replied. Caitlin opened her mouth to reply, but decided against it.

"Er, Harry..you got some dirt on your nose. Right there?" Hermione pointed.

"OMG, WHERE!" Harry cried, rubbing feverishly at his face.

Carly, Katy, Sarah, Maggie and Caitlin fumed at the scene unfolding infront of them.

"..Now this is what we're going to do.." Carly started, but before she could finish, Katy rushed forward and football tackled Hermione right ontop of Saralee's shriveled remains.


	25. Chapter 25

The Topless women went into the kitchen and dragged Saralee in there.

"Put her in here," Rachel yelled.

They opened a closet door and puched her in there, they locked the door.

"Now, she'll be there for a while," said Brianna smiling.

"Now what?" Melissa asked.

No one got to answer that question, however as the doorbell had rung: DING DONG!

Brianna ran and answered the door. There stood a tall, skinny boy. Longish, dirty blonde hair with blue eyes.

Doug, Josh, Cody, Rachel, Melissa, and Katy stared at him.

"BRIANNA!" The boy said. He hugged her.

"Who the F are you?" Katy said.

"Jonathan," the boy said, "Brianna's friend."

"Jonathan?" Brianna said. Jonathan gave her a weird look and she said, "Right, Jonathan. You don't mind if he stays right?" She turned to them.

"We need a meeting," Rachel said.

The Topless Women went into the meeting room and waited for everyone to get quiet. Josh and Doug were talking to Jonathan, sounding very happy for him to be here.

Katy looked at Jonathan questionly.

"Alright, Brianna wants Jonathan to stay here. Who wants him to stay and make him an official Topless Women?"

Brianna looked around and crossed her fingers. Doug and Josh's hands flew up. Rachel and Carly's also went up. Melissa's went up slowly, as Dim's went up. Katy stared at the hands. Caitlin and Ali were arguing over who has Cedric tonight, then relizing what was happeing, their hands went up.

"Okay, I don't to see anymore hands, Brianna, he is an official Topless Women," Rachel said joyfully.

Brianna jumped up and hugged Rachel. She went over to Jonathan and took off his shirt. The Toless Women started to clap a little. Jonathan went back to talking to Josh

The next morning approached. Saralee was rotting in the cloest while the Topless Women forgot about her. Carly had been woken up with a loud BANG. She put on her robes and ran down to the kitchen.

Down there was Josh and Jonathan pounding on the table singing a song.

"Do you know that most of us are still sleeping?" Carly yelled ina tired manner.

"It's almost 10:30," Jonathan said, "how late can you sleep?"

Josh laughed, as Carly grunted and stormed out of the kitchen.

Brianna said worried, "What's wrong Carly?"

"Josh and your friend are banging on the table!" Carly grumbled.

"Oh, I'll stop them, go back to bed," Brianna said sadly.

Carly stormed up stairs, while Brianna went into the kitchen.

"Guys, don't bang on the tables. Carly didn't get very good sleep last night, you can make noise at 11," Brianna said nicely.

Doug came into the room, sitting with Josh and Jonathan.

"Hey J&J," he said cheerfully.

"J&J?" Brianna repeated.

"Yeah, Josh and Jon," Doug said, "I like it more."

Caitlin came into the room holding Cedric's hand. Doug started wispering to J&J, saying something about Cedric.

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT MY CEDDIE?" Caitlin yelled, "HUH?"

"Well...uh...um...w-we were just," Doug splattered out.

"Guys, be quiet Carl-," Brianna said but was intrerrupted.

"WELL? WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Caitlin screamed at the top of her lungs.

Jonathan and Josh started to slip out of the kitchen, but Caitlin said, "YOUR JUST HAS GUILTY! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE!"

Jonathan and Josh ran for it, ran up the stairs, and they could hear the door slam and lock. Caitlin grunted and stormed away. Carly came back down and wasn't happy at all, "GUYS! I told you I needed my sleep, well Bri did! I hope..."

Katy came into the kitchen with Draco aside of her. She quickly ran out of the room and pulled Draco with her.

Caitlin and Brianna stared at each other for a moment, then Brianna departed.

Doug was stuck in the room alone with Caitlin and Cedric, and as Brianna ran up the stairs, she was certain that Caitlin had started again. She went up to the BOYS room and knocked. Freddy said, "What's the password?"

Brianna said, "Your too sexy."

Freddy opened the door. "Oh, hey Brianna, we were hoping it was you."

Brianna jumped on Jonathan's bed, and layed down and started to fall asleep. As soon as she was going to sleep BANG!

Freddy and her has jumped from the bang. Freddy ran and locked the door again.

"Where's Jonathan and Josh?" Brianna asked looking around.

"J&J are hiding under the bed," Freddy said laughing.

Josh and Jonathan had came out from under their beds and Jonathan had sat on his and smiled. Josh whispered something to Freddy and then Freddy asked if Jonathan could leave the room for a moment.

Freddy closed the door after Jonathan and he turned to Brianna.

"So, who exactly is Jon?" Josh asked.

"A friend," Brianna replied.

"Is his real name Jonathan?" Freddy asked.

"Yes," Brianna hesitated.

"Why did you hesitate?" Josh asked.

"Because...I did," Brianna said who was starting to shake.

"Okay, what's going on?" Josh said.

"Okay, but don't tell anyone..." Brianna said.

Back downstairs everything had calmed down. Around 12:30 everyone was awake and was no longer yelling. Everyone was watching TV.

"Guys! Guess what i got!" Jon yelled as he turned on the DVD player.

"What did you get that made us stop watching The Three Stooges?" Katy said sounding irritated.

"Topless Women Talk About Their Lives," Jon said.

Everyone started to cheer loudly. They have been looking forward to watching this movie for a long time.

The movie started and Peter dimmed the lights to make it more romantic. After 10 minutes in the movie Draco and Katy were already making out. After a while so did Peter and Carly. Ali and Caitlin tried but Cedric kept moving to make them not fight over something else. Everyone who had a boyfriend or girlfriend started kissing in the middle of the movie.

Rachel and Doug were eyeing each other and Josh and Brianna (because Hermione had "plans") were whispering about something. Dim was making popcorn, and Freddy was eating a sandwitch.

The movie was starting to end and everyone was shocked that it was a 5 hours movie. Mostly everyone was sleeping. Katy had fallen asleep on Draco's lap and Draco's head was tilted. Freddy was listening to his iPod (which only contained one song), Doug was still awake but now sitting next to Rachel. Rachel had fallen asleep and her head on Doug's shoulder. Josh was dosing off but everything someone would say topless he would wake up. Dim was hopped up on sugar and was wide awake. He even had to get up and jog outside to get rid of some energy. Brianna was asleep on Jon's lap and he was "petting" her hair and smiling. Sarah was deep in sleep, and so was Harry and Ron. Caitlin was snuggling with Cedric and so was Ali, both drifting off. Melissa was on the floor asleep. Everyone else was out cold.

The movie had finally ended and Freddy and Dim got up (since no one was snuggling with them) and tried to help some of them up without waking up anyone else. Cedric, Doug, Jon, Freddy, and Dim went to the kitchen and got some drinks, but not giving any more to Dim. The boys put covers over some of the girls and turned off the light and went upstairs.


	26. Chapter 26

So like the topless women celebrated into the early morning hours because they had finally defeated saralee.

The next day everyone slept in like until around 2. Most of the topless women were already down in the kitchen eating lunch. Ali and Caitlin were over at the counter with Cedric, both of them fussing over what Cedric's sandwich.

"wtf? Cedric likes mayo on his sandwich, not mustard you friggin retard!" said Ali, snatching the mustard away from Caitlin who was about to spread it onto Cedric's sandwich.

"I think I know Cedric better than you and he likes mustard!" said Caitlin stiffly who quickly grabbed it back.

"MAYO!"

"MUSTARD!"

"MAYO!"

"MUUUUUSSSSSTTTARD!"

The girls fought back and forth until finally Ali squeezed the mustard bottle a little too hard, squirting mustard all over Caitlin's white shirt.

"OH NO YOU DI'NT BITCH!" roared Caitlin as her face turned a deep red…she snatched the mustard back from Ali and returned the favor…what happened next is anyone's guess, the two girls were now down on the floor wrestling each other, mustard squirting everywhere.

Rachel and Doug entered the kitchen. Rachel quickly realized what was going on…and walked up to the scene, Doug followed closely behind.

"CAITLIN….ALI!" roared Rachel

The room went completely silent, Ali and Caitlin stopped fighting. Ali was down on the floor, her arm around Caitlin's neck, choking her.

"Let Caitlin go, now. Don't make me squint at you."

She immediately released Caitlin. Caitlin started gasping for breath and glared over at Ali.

"Much better…now you two might want to go clean up a bit. I suggest just throwing your clothes away. Mustard stains are a bitch to wash out."….and seeing the worried look on both girls faces Rachel quickly added, "Don't worry, I think Cedric can make his own sandwich."

Caitlin and Ali looked over their shoulders at Cedric who had not the slightest idea what had just happened, he was too busy fussing with his hair while looking at his reflection in the toaster. Very reluctantly, both girls got up and walked out of the kitchen.

"There, another problem solved." Said Rachel smiling and turned to look at Doug who grinned back. The both of them went over to sit at the table with the rest of the topless women.

Rachel sat down next to Melissa…while Doug sat on her other side. Rachel leaned over Melissa to get some chips…

Melissa sniffed the air, "Hey Rach, your hair smells good. What did you use?"

Rachel's face turned red, "Uh……herbalessencesstrawberrykiwi" she mumbled.

"But, how did you get into Doug's saf-"…but Melissa trailed off, and a looked of comprehension washed over her face as she started to laugh. Rachel and Doug exchanged glances, both of their faces turning rather red.

Freddy entered the kitchen and all eyes immediately turned to him. Freddy was sporting an afro wig, a spandex superhero suit, and Napoleon Dynamite style glasses.

"Uh, Freddy….what the hell are you wearing?" said Melissa.

"Haven't you heard? Hotboi has connections with the feds, they may be spying on us. I had to disguise myself." and he looked quickly behind him as if a squad team was about ready to jump out from behind the walls.

Everyone gave Freddy a weird look(like this…)

"Riiiiiiight" said Maggie.

"Doug! Wtf are you doing!...that's me you're playing footsies with under the table." yelled Melissa.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Katy got up from her seat.

"I'll get it," she said. She went to the door and swung it open. Standing before was a little old man. He looked to be about 70. He was wearing a wide-brimmed hat.

"Um, who are you?" asked Katy. The little man threw back his head and let out a hearty laugh. Katy watched him politely. Suddenly, she noticed a little piece of chicken hanging from his tooth. Gross! The little man slowly stopped laughing and nearly shouted, in a thick Irish accent, "Ah, please do forgive me, miss! Me name is Kerr McGee! I'm here to wash your windas!"

Katy raised her eyebrows. "My what?"

Kerr McGee looked confused. He gestured to all the windows. "Your windas! I'm here to wash your windas!"

Katy slowly nodded, looking up at the windows. "I guess we kind of do need a window washer."

"Kind of" was an understatement. Dust and mold had gathered on the windows in the Topless Women HQ. It was almost impossible to tell when it was night and when it was day. "How much would we owe you for the job?"

Kerr McGee threw his head back again and let out a hearty laugh. Ugh, there's that chicken again. Kerr McGee slowly stopped laughing again and shook his head.

"No, no. I don't charge for winda washin. Y'see, I went to the doctor the other day and the doctor told me I had but a few moonths before I went to live with Jaysus. Well, I said to meself, I said "Well Mister McGee, you best think aboot what you be doin with the rest of your time on the good Earth. And I thought 'Winda washin! What could be better!' So I don't charge. It's me good deed, for me joodgement, y'see."

Katy gave the little man a strange look, then asked "So, it's for free."

Kerr McGee chuckled then said "Yes, ma'am. Not even a little nickel."

Katy nodded. "Well, thanks for that. Come on in." The little man gave a little whistle behind him and beautiful music began to play. A tall, wiry man came from around the house, playing a recorder.

"This be my minstrel, Leopold. He likes to folla me as I wash the windas" said Kerr McGee. Katy looked wearily at the minstrel, then led them both into the kitchen where everyone was sitting.

"Everyone," Katy said, "this is Kerr McGee. And his minstrel. They're here to wash our…windas."

But Doug wasn't paying attention to what Katy was saying. He leapt up and shouted "Dad! What are you doing here!"

"I'm here to wash your windas, Dougie!" said Kerr McGee

Doug and Kerr McGee stared at each other for a while. Then Katy spoke, "Ya, well he's going to was our windows with no charge, he said he'll be dying soon."

Melissa payed no attention to what Katy had said and said to Doug, "Your last name is McGee!"

Doug quickly said, "NO! Well...yes. It's a very old name. It was my dad's grandfather's cousin's uncle's sister's...no brother's wife's sister's aunt's uncle's cousin twice removed's last name."

Brianna then said, "Yeah, REALLY old..."

Doug stared at Brianna for a minute then left the room.


	27. Chapter 27

Katy slapped the snooze button on her alarm for the fourth time in 20 minutes and started to burrow back into her sheets when her door suddenly swung open, slamming into the wall.

"Katy, you should've been downstairs by now. You've missed breakfast and classes are about to start." Carly said, standing over Katy's bed. She was decked out in her school uniform: navy blue pleated skirt, crisp white longsleeved shirt and navy tie.

Katy groaned, pulling the covers over her head completely. "Not going.." she mumbled.

Carly yanked the bedsheets from the bed and dropped them onto the floor, leaving Katy shivering in the middle of the matress.

"Hurry up, Katy! I'll put a bagel in the toaster for you--be down in 5 minutes!" Carly said before skipping merrily from the room, leaving Katy to glare at her retreating back.

"Alright, so who could tell me what the parabola of 35x squared is?" Rachel asked, looking around at the younger Topless Women infront of her. (OC: Lol, just making problems up)

Cody raised his hand.

"Yes Cody?" Rachel said.

"When are we ever going to use this ?"

"Plenty of times. Now, can you answer my question or not?"

Cody paused before saying, "This is High School math. Do I look like I'm in High School?"

Rachel sighed. "Fine, Cody. Go and join Doug's class in the meeting room.."

Cody gathered his things and exited the makeshift classroom in the livingroom; Katy wandered in seconds later..

"Katy!" Rachel said, "So nice of you to finally join us. Find yourself a seat."

Katy plopped down next to Caitlin on the couch, who was busy trying to copy down Cedric's answers--which he ultimately got from Ali, who completed her work and was busy filiing her nails. (OC: Oh yeah, and like.. now that Saralee is gone, I'm myself again. ..I just forgot to write that part in. xDD)

'I wonder what Draco's doing right now..' Katy thought, only half-listening to Rachel's insightful lecture on imaginary numbers.

On the other side of the house--in the Meeting Room--a group of Topless Women boys (OC:..If that makes sense xD) sat at the long table usually reserved for meetings. At the head of the table sat Doug with his hands folded neatly infront of him.

"Welcome..to Pimpology 101. I will be your professor-- Douglas McGee Doboi the third. You all usually refer to me as Doug.. but for the next hour, you will refer to me as 'Pimpmaster Doboi'." Doug said.

Further down the table, someone snickered.

"Something funny, Mr. Josh?" Doug asked.

"N-No Pimpmaster." Josh replied, stiffling a laugh.

"Alright then." Doug stood up. "From now, until the end of the year..I will teach you how to walk the walk. Talk the talk. I'll teach you the true meaning of being a pimp. You'll go from being awkward young men, to smooth-talking, bitch-slapping lady magnets. Can I get an amen?"

"AMEN!" Dimitri blurted.

Cody raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Cody?" Doug said.

"When are we going to use this ?"

"Every day of your life, if you learn it correctly. ..You're too young to understand now, young Cody, but I will do the best I can to educate you in the ways of Pimping." Doug replied.

Cody sunk down in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. Across from him, Draco Malfoy gave him a snooty look.

"The hell you lookin' at, albino?" Cody snapped, sitting up immediately.

"How DARE you speak to me in that sort of manner! You want until my father hears about this.." Draco spat.

"Good. Then I can kick some sense into him and then he'll realize what a little his son is!" Cody attempted to climb onto the table to get to Draco, but David and Josh held him back.

"Hey hey hey!" Doug said, raising a hand to regain order. "Save it for the ho's, gentlemen."

Cody scowled, sinking back into his seat; Draco absently picked at his finely manicured nails, occasionally sending Cody nasty looks.

Doug smirked, lowering himself back down into his chair. "Alright, lets begin.."

52 minutes later, the bell rang signaling a class swap. ..Only, the Topless Women didn't have a bell in their house, so the change of classes was signaled by Melissa singing opera at the top of her lungs.

All of Rachel's 'class' migrated into the kitchen (along with a few from Doug's 'class'). A stage with curtains was placed along the far wall and folding chairs were placed facing the stage. Ali, Cedric and Caitlin quickly grabbed the first three seats in the first row, with Maggie and Ron securing the last two seats. Dimitri, Sarah, Harry, Peter and Carly sat in the second row. Bridget, Melissa and Brianna occupied the third row; Cody sat in the last chair, leaving two seats between him and Bri. Katy and Draco secured seats in the last row for..well, reasons of their own.

Freddy walked out from behind the curtains and onto the stage. "Welcome welcome welcome. Skipping the introduction, we're going to move right to the exercises. Let's try some improv..any volunteers?"

Ali's hand shot up.

"Alright, Ali.." Freddy said.

Cedric's hand shot up--more or less because Ali held it up for him..

"And Cedirc."

Caitlin's hand flew up reflexively.

"And Caitlin. One more.." Freddy said, scanning the rows.

Cody sunk down in his seat as far as he could.

"Cody! Come on up, all of you!" Freddy chirped, waving them to the stage. Ali and Caitlin skipped onto the stage, dragging Cedric with them; Cody didn't budge.

"Cody? To the stage please."

Cody continued to..not move.

"My inner black woman is just dying to come out and smack somebody. Don't make me let her out, Cody." Freddy said, snapping his fingers. "Uh-oh, here she comes.."

Cody scowled, reluctantly wandering up to the stage.

"Thank you. Now, here are your characters. Caitlin, you'll be Grace. Ali, you're Ja'keisha. Cedric, you're Wentworth and Cody will be Paul. Your scenario-- Grace and Ja'Keisha are sisters living in the slums of Beverly Hills. Ja'Keisha and her lover, Wentworth, have been engaged for the last 4 months.."

Ali batted her eyelashes at Cedric.

"But what Ja'Keisha doesn't know is that Wentworth and her sister have been secretly seeing each other in the same timeframe."

"YES!" Caitlin blurted. Ali cursed under her breath.

"Ja'Keisha, since being engaged, is also involved with Paul, the traveling salesman who wandered upon her doorstep 4 months prior in hopes of selling a toothbrush. But what Ja'Keisha doesn't know is that Paul is really a female who underwent surgery to become a man and is also sleeping with Wentworth, who is really gay." Freddy finished, nearly out of breath.

"WTF? Hell no, man. Hell no.." Cody said, shaking his head franticly.

"Yeah, that's so messed up!" Ali blurted.

Cody nodded.

"How come Cody gets to sleep with Cedric?"

Cody's face went blank.

"Because..it's my..STORY!" Freddy snapped. "Don't question my vision! Just DO IT!"

Freddy stomped off stage, leaving Caitlin, Cody, Cedric and Ali there to exchange clueless looks.

"..And...ACTION!" Freddy cried.


	28. Chapter 28

"HELL no, Freddy, ain't happening!" Cody blurted again as Freddy took Caitlin's empty seat.

"You'll do it..or this.." Freddy held up Cody's beloved Tommy gun, "will cease to..be here.." he finished.

"You--you wouldn't!" Cody cried, staring helplessly at his treasure.

"Oh, I would.." Freddy said, a smug look on his face. "Now..ACTION!"

Cody turned back to the rest of the cast, trembling slightly. Ali was filing her nails again, as Caitlin filed Cedric's.

"I said ACTION!" Freddy bellowed. "We only have.." he checked his watch, "48 minutes left!"

Everyone perked up again. Caitlin looked around for a minute, then raised her hand.

"WHAT!" Freddy hissed.

"Um..am I Gabrielle or Jantifa?" she asked timidly.

"NEITHER!" Freddy yelled.

"Oh, sorry.." said Caitlin, and she jumped offstage and disappeared into the living room. Ten seconds later, she reappeared, grabbed Cedric, and dragged him back to the living room. Ali's face looked livid.

"I KNOW that bitch did not just--" she said as she made to get offstage.

"NO! STAY ALI!" Freddy yelled, and Ali stopped short. "Katy! Draco! You're up!"

Nothing happened.

"Katy, Draco! I said you're--" he stopped as he turned and saw Katy and Draco on the floor, furiously making out. Freddy sighed.

"Rachel? Doug..?" Freddy asked the pair, almost begging them.

"Um..no, sorry. No one is sleeping with MY man.." Rachel said, grabbing Doug's arm protectively.

"UAAGH!" Freddy screamed in frustration. "Will someone PLEASE get up there?"

No one moved.

"OK! FINE! We can work with two.." Freddy grumbled. He walked onstage and started mumbling things to Cody and Ali.

'This is bull..' Melissa thought to herself as Ali and Cody started making sounds of protest. She stood up, took a deep breath, then--

"AHHHHUHHAAAAHHHHOOOOOHHHHAHHHHUHAAAAHHH!" (OC: xD just..pretend that's opera)

Everyone stood up and hauled their asses out of the kitchen. As David closed the door behind him, the last thing he heard was Freddy crying, "WE STILL HAVE 27 MINUTES!"

The next 'class' of the day was naptime. In the living room, lots of mats were placed on the floor, each with a pillow and blankets; pink for the girls, green for the boys.

"Frickin pink blankets.." Katy mumbled under her breath.

"Racist.." someone coughed behind her. She whirled around, but no one was there.

"OK! You know the drill! One person per mat," Rachel called out, eyeing Caitlin and Ali fighting over who slept on the mat with Cedric. "Boys on the left side of the room, girls on the right," she continued; Carly stopped in her attempt to move her mat next to Peter's. "No one, I repeat, NO ONE will put ANYONE'S hand in a warm glass of water while they're asleep," Rachel finished, giving Cody and Josh warning looks. "Now..GO TO BED!"

All the Topless Women found a mat and plopped down on it. Melissa, Sarah, Harry, Ron, Carly, Peter, Maggie, Ali, and Carrie fell asleep instantly. Everyone else feigned sleep.

After a few minutes, Brianna couldn't stand the bored..ness. She opened her eyes, and found her 'chaperones' Rachel and Doug making out on the couch.

"Bitches.." she muttered as she silently removed her blanket and slowly got to her knees. The mat slipped a bit as she moved, and she stopped dead, staring at Rachel and Doug. They seemed to notice nothing, however, and Brianna finally got to her feet. She looked around, and saw that Caitlin had crawled over to share a mat with Cedric, and Ali's 'sixth sense' had woken her up, and she was crawling army style towards Cedric's mat. Josh and Cody were awake also, and were holding a can of whipped cream over Dimitri's face. Draco and Katy were making out again. Brianna caught Duncan and David's eyes, and they both left the room to go play monopoly.

They climbed the stairs to the bedrooms in silence. The only sound that they heard was one coming from Caitlin's vacant room. They heard giggling and the sound of a deep British voice.

"WTF..Cedric is downstairs.." Brianna mumbled, and she slowly opened the door.

"Bridget!" Brianna, David, and Duncan yelled together.

"Shhhh!" Bridget said. She pushed herself off the bed and dragged them in the room. "Geez..do you WANT Rachel to catch us?"

Brianna looked on the bed and saw Will sitting there, clearly embarrassed.

"Sorry babe," Bridget said, stroking Will's hair.

"Ew." David said simply. "Bridget..he's like..a million years older than you."

"Yeah, and look at all the dirt he tracked in!" Duncan exclaimed, whipping out his rubber gloves.

"And he could have scurvy!" Brianna added, stepping away from the bed slightly.

Bridget simply laughed. "You guys worry too much.." she said. "Now, you have about.." she checked the Cedric clock on the wall, "4 minutes and 13 seconds to get downstairs before anyone noticed you left naptime. And that's if Rachel and Doug make out until the last second. So I suggest you run."

Brianna, David, and Duncan exchanged looks, before hurling themselves out of the room. A few seconds passed before Duncan came back into the room, threw a wet washcloth at Will, and then ran back out.

Together they ran down the hallway and then down the stairs. They were almost to the entrance to the living room before they heard Melissa's opera screech.

"Fck!" Duncan swore quietly. Brianna and David looked at him increduously. (OC: i so spelled that wrong. xD)

"You just--" Brianna whispered, awestruck.

"No time!" David said, grabbing Brianna and Duncan's arms and running towards the kitchen. "We'll go in the back way.."

David reached the door and wrenched it open. He took two steps before nearly colliding with Freddy, whos face was all..evil and stuff..

"Why, hello kids.." Freddy said maliciously. "If my ears don't deceive me, which they don't cause i just went to the..earotologist..Melissa just sang her opera song, meaning you change classes. And if I'm not mistaken, your next class is in the meeting room, and this is most certainly NOT the meeting room.."

"Look Freddy," David said, shaking a bit, "What happened was..Rachel asked us to get..trail mix for snacks--"

"LIAR!" Freddy shrieked. "Snack time is at 4, and it's only 2:30!"

"I--uh--wewerecomingtolookforDavid'swalletcausehelostit!" Brianna lied quickly, her lip trembling. David and Duncan were nodding vigoursly.

"Oh, is that so?" Freddy said. He turned to David. "Empty your pockets."

"I--uh--" David stammered.

"NOW!"

David slowly emptied his front pockets, revealing nothing. He held his empty hands out to Freddy.

"See? N-no wallet.." David said, taking a step towards the door. Freddy held out his arm and stopped him.

"The back pockets too, son."

David hesitated. "Do it..or I will.." Freddy continued. Reluctantly, David reached his hands towards his back pockets, and pulled out a black, leather wallet.

"Mmmhmm.." said Freddy, taking the wallet from David. He suddenly shot a nasty look at Brianna, who now had a few tears running down her face. She squeeled quietly and hid behind Duncan. Freddy smiled evilly and took a deep breath, before yelling..

"RAAAACHEEL! DOUUUUUG!"

"NO!" Brianna, Duncan, and David cried at the same time. Freddy laughed.

"Betcha wish you woulda volunteered for my skit now, dontcha?" he said. There were loud footsteps near the door, and the door burst open revealing Rachel, Doug, and the rest of the Topless Women.


	29. Chapter 29

Rachel and Doug looked a little flushed..from the running or the making out who knows..

The rest of the Topless Women just looked tired..cuz they'd just woken up and stuff..

"Wtf..WHERE HAVE YOU THREE BEEN!" rachel yelled

"we...er...were...sleepwalking..." david mumbled

"bulls hit!" freddy yelled

Rachel gave Freddy a warning glance before turning back to the trio of RULE BREAKERS (lmao jk) "you guys know the punishment for walking around during napti-"

"Dude whats going on?" Katy yelled..she had just run up with Draco.

"um..where have you guys been?" caitlin asked

"uh...we were...sleeping...i mean it WAS naptime...right?" katy said

the topless women rolled their eyes and turned back to rachel

"as i was saying before i was INTERRUPTED...you three will have to have...DETENTION!"

the topless women did nothing

Rachel cleared her throat "i saaaaaid...DETENTION!"

"ya we heard you rach" carly said

"well arent you guys more shocked? i mean its DETENTION!"

"your point being...?" katy asked

"i...well...i think its bad..." she shook her head, "whatever just report to freddys office after school"

David gave Rachel a weird 'you can't be serious' look, and stormed away. Brianna and Ducan followed with the same look.

Naptime was now over and it was time to go back to classes. The boys and the girls were split up for this class.

Bridget and Bri were in the first two seats. They wanted to be the first one out when class ended.

Rachel came into the door and gave Brianna a dirty look, Bri gave a worse one back. Scared, Rachel turned away.

"Alright, uh. We will be doing, female stuff here...like...stuff," Rachel said.

Bridget looked around and noticed how Carly had slumped in her chair. Katy's head was on the desk just drifting off. Bri rolled her eyes and began to draw something. Melissa was playing with her lunch money (haha...we have to pay for lunch!). Sarah was playing with her hair. Rachel hadn't noticed that everyone was busy doing something else besides listening to her talk.

Doug was teaching the boys, but not men stuff.

"Alright, Rachel thinks I'm teaching about you guys, but let's talk about them... who's the hottest?"

David said right away, "I like Carly's butt!"

Cody yelled, "Yeah, but i like Caitlin's more."

"CARLY'S!"

"CAITLIN'S!"

"CEDRIC'S!"

Everyone looked around to see who said Cedric... Doug started talking again, "Alright they are okay butts. Anything else?"

Josh spat out, "Who is the hottest in your eyes Doug?"

Doug begins to blush, everyone starts laughing.

"CARLY'S!"

"CAITLIN'S!"

"BRIDGET'S"

"KATY'S!"

"RACHEL'S!"

"MY SASSY BLACK WOMEN SELF!"

Doug looked to see who said Rachel, then shouted, 'Who said Rachel?"

Everyone began to mumble.

"Let's start talking about that top of them!"

At 12, lunch was being served. They had to pay for lunch...

Today's lunch is spaghetti and meatballs.

Cody payed for his lunch and got his food that Freddy served. He sat down next to Doug and spat out, "HOW COME YOU HAVE BIGGER BALLS THEN ME?"

"What?" Doug said confused.

"How come your balls are bigger then mine?" Cody screamed.

"Stop yelling man, i just got bigger ones, big deal," Doug said half laughing.

"How comes I don't get huge ones too!" Cody yelled.

"You want big ones, here, take it," Doug said, throwing a meatball at Cody's face.

Cody took his plate and poured the spaphetti on Doug's hair saying, "It matches your shirt."

"FOOD FIGHT" someone screamed.

Doug threw his drink at Cody's pants yelling, "Aren't you too old to be wetting yourself?"

Melissa threw her drink at his pants saying, "Don't tell other people what to do if you can't even hold it."

Bridget threw her plate at Josh. Josh threw his at her. Bri threw it at David, he threw it at her. Everyone was throwing something at someone. Rachel was even in the mess.

Bri, who was covered in everything had enough. She was already in trouble so she went to the kitchen and got the huge pot at sauce. She grapped buckets after buckets. Bridget came into the room saying, "Well...you beat me to what I was gunna do, can I help?"

Bri and Bridget went to the eating room with the buckets and pots and threw the sauce at everyone. They made sure they got everyone good and hard.

At 2 o'clock everyone was tired of throwing and was lying on the sauced floor. The whole room was ruined.

Rachel, who all of a sudden got angry started to yell, "YOU JUST RUINED THE WHO ENTIRE PLACE! ALL BECAUSE OF CODY NOT HAVING BIG ENOUGH BALLS-"

Bri giggled too loudly and Rachel said, "YOUR IN THE MOST TROUBLE! You ruined the room with the sauce...I wanna see you after school with Bridget, David, and Ducan. You all will be cleaning this entire place. Make it spotless"

Rachel then stormed away, leaving everyone there who was getting the food off each other and picking up the broken plates.


	30. Chapter 30

Ok, it"s like after school at detenion.

Everyone involed in the food fight walked back to the school for dentenion with Rachel.

"ug.. this is so unfair," said Bri.

"yeah, I know it's so unfair" mumbled the group.

About 5 min later everyone was at the lunchroom with hair in hairnets and brooms in their hands. The topless woman looked in the room to see if they could find Rachel, but to their surprise the lunchroom was spotless,

"wtf," said Bridget,"how is this possible?"

David felt a cold hand touch his shoulder...it was Rachel.

"Well, I have decided that cleaning this place up would not be a tough enough punishment for you guys," said Rachel,"So I cleaned it up, but you guys are going to do something else with me..."

Rachel quickly pulled a projector across the room and pulled a screen down. "Today, we will be learning about Anus Sex."

"No!" screamed the majority of the topless women.

"Yay!" said Melissa excitedly as she was jumping up and down.

"Uhhhh...I gotta pee." said Cody and started running off.

"Somone get him!" yelled Rachel...she sighed then moved on, "Well, anyway, lets begin." she said as the movie started.

Meanwhile, Cody was tying to find his way out. As he was running for the front door he saw Freddy.

"Wait wait!" Freddy yelled..."Why are you here?" he questioned.

"Uh...uh... hey Freddy, look over there! That dog is having anal sex!" Cody said...pointing off into the distance.

"Huh?" said Freddy, who turned to look as Cody ran away.

Freddy turned back to Cody, but realized he had got away. "OH no.we lost him." Freddy mumbled.

As the butt sex presentation was going Freddy walked in.

"Yes Freddy?" Rachel asked.

"I need to talk to you." he said.

Rachel walked over to Freddy.

"What?" she asked.

"Cody left." he replied.


	31. Chapter 31

'And this is what anal sex looks like underwater. And here, we have anal sex viewed from a satillite in space..' Rachel said, showing a new image on the projector every couple of seconds.

"Ewewew.." Melissa mumbled, covering her ears. Next to her, Bri was peeking out from between her fingers.

Ali glanced over at Rachel, who had her back turned to the 'class'.

'Great, nows my chance..' Ali thought, reaching into her purse; she pulled something out while Caitlin watched with mild interest.

"What are you doing?" Caitlin asked, tilting her head.

"I'm getting the hell out of here. Gunna go to the mall or something. Wanna come?" Ali replied while unfolding the thing she pulled from her purse; she tugged on a little drawstring that was attached and the thing slowly began to fill with air.

Caitlin glanced up at Rachel. The inflating sound didn't seem to reach her ears, as she continued her lecture undisturbed; the rest of the Topless Women, however, quickly whirled around to see what the noise was all about.

Ali grinned, smoothing the wrinkles out of her inflatable clone.

Caitlin's eyes widened. "Sweet.. do you have one for me?"

Ali began searching her purse once again.

"Er..All I have is this potato.." she said, holding it up for Caitlin to see.

"Hm..good enough. Let's roll!"

Ali and Caitlin sat their replacements down in their seats before tiptoing out of the room..

Once the slideshow was over, Rachel flipped the lights back on.

"Well?" she asked. "What did you think?"

The Topless students stared at her with vacant expressions.

"Hm. Melissa, what did you think?" Rachel asked again.

"Caitlin and Ali left." Melissa said.

"What are you talking about? They're sitting right there!" Rachel said, pointing at Ali slouched in her chair and Caitlin facedown in hers with mold forming on the back of her neck. Suddenly Dimitri rushed into the room, gasping for breath.

"S-Sorry I'm late.." he gasped, ducking his head.

"It's fine Dimitri. Take a seat.." Rachel said, smiling.

Dimitri nodded, plopping down onto the first chair he could find; immediately he felt something pressed under his bum.

"OH MY GAH!" Carly shrieked from across the room. "YOU KILLED CAITLIN!"

"You BASTARD!" Katy bellowed, pointing her finger.

Dimitri slowly stood up and glanced back, seeing bits of potato and stringy blonde hair (OC:-cough-yellow yarn-cough-) hanging off the back of his pants.

Doug sauntered into the room with Freddy entering seconds later, dragging a kicking Cody by the ear.

"Sorry to inturrupt, my little marshmallow puff. I just need to borrow the gentlemen for a while. A small field trip, if you will.." Doug said.

"Anything for you, my little Honeybun.." Rachel cooed.

The Topless Women boys greatfully got up from their seats and quickly rushed over to Doug, who was smacking his lips at Rachel. Bridget and Brianna exchanged looks of disgust while Melissa simply giggled. Katy began making gagging sounds and continued to do so for a good minute or so, dispite Carly's attempts to get her to stop.

"I love you, cookiewookie.." Rachel said, smirking.

"..And..I love you too, my little cuppiecake-gumdrop-snookumspookum.." Doug replied before hearding the boys out of the room. Once they left, the girls burst into fits of laughter.

"Alright alright alright.." Rachel said, rasing a hand for silence. "Back to anal sex, hm?"

" 'I love yooou my little strawberry shortcake!' " Ron cried dramaticly, clutching his heart. "I love you so bad it huurts!"

The Topless Women boys howled with laughter as they walked down the driveway, towards the Topless Mobile. Further up the driveway, Doug lectured Cody on the meaning of true Pimpism.

"I mean, honestly.." Ron continued, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Doug was out of earshot. "For someone who constantly brags about being a pimp, he seems to be a little tied down at the tail.." he finished, his voice almost a bare whisper.

"Is that the British way of saying whiped?" Doug asked, his head suddenly looming over Ron's shoulder. Ron jumped aside, his face turning bright red.

"Alright. In the van..all of you.." Doug said calmly, glancing at his watch. The boys slowly started filing into the Topless Mobile.

"Where are we going?" David asked.

"The mall. To work on your first assignment.."

"Which is..?" Josh asked, poking his head out the window from inside the car.

"To see how many women you can pick up within a certain amount of time." Doug said simply.

"DOUGIE-POOH!" Rachel shouted from the doorway. "Doug! You forgot your keys!" She decended the drive, stopping infront of Doug to hand him his keys.

"Thanks love." Doug said, starting to turn away.

"Wait!"

Doug glanced back at Rachel, quirking an eyebrow.

"Where's my kiss..?" she asked coyly.

Doug blinked. "Not infront of the boys, Rach.."

"EX-cuse me..?" Rachel said slowly, her eyes narrowing slightly.

Doug tugged nervously on the collar of his shirt; behind him, he heard a few kissy noises.

"Douglas McGee Doboi.." Rachel said in a warning tone. "Don't make me drop my foot in yo' ass.."

Doug lunged forward and planted a quick, but sweet, kiss on Rachel before quickly rushing around to the other side of the van.

"We'll be back around 7 or 8.." Doug said a little quickly, climbing into the drivers seat.

"Mmk. Bye Dougie!" Rachel said cheerily. As she watched the Topless Mobile pull out of the lot, a slow smirk appeared on her face.

'That's right, girl. Show yo' man who's boss..' Rachel thought to herself, snapping her fingers three times. She turned to face the house, still grinning, and spotted numerous round, little faces peering out at her through the front window from inside the house; once they realized that they were spotted, they quickly scampered away from the window, pushing and shoving in their haste.

'Nothing gets past those girls..' Rachel said, smiling even wider as she watched Melissa try to detangle herself from the curtains, ultimately tripping over herself and pulling the entire drapery down.

Rachel walked back into the house, hellbent on completing her lecture. ..And so she did. ..After detangling Melissa from the curtains, of course.


	32. Chapter 32

a side story

Sarah, Melissa, and Carly woke up early on the 17th of Feb.They crept down the stairs, trying not to awak any of the other topless women. They took the cake mix and the other ingredients they needed and got to work.

"Are you sure he'll come Sarah?" Carly asked as she put the cake into the stove."I mean he is sort of a celebrity(sp?)"

"Oh..he'll come. He owes me after I introduced him to Harry and the other hp guys."

"This is great!" squealed Mel as she took the cake out of the oven a half hour later.

It was 6:00 and Sarah, Carly, and Melissa had gathered the rest of the topless women into the main room. There was a ton of whispering, snogging, and erm..other stuff as Carly cleared her throat to speak.

"Topless women...today, Feb. 17th, is an important day in our world."

"Wha?" Freddy interjected, "Whats so special?"

"It is the anniversery of the birth of an important figure in our society. Emerson Spartz's 19th birthday!" squeed Sarah.

"Who the heck is that?" Brianna asked, but before Melissa could answer with her complete speech on the history of Emerson, the doorbell rang.

"HE'S HERE!" screamed all three obsessed girls at the same time.

Sarah opened the door and in walked Emerson. Smiling smugly and taking off his coat, which Carly immediatly took.

"It's an honor for you, Emerson Spartz, creator of Mugglenet(!), greatest fansite creator ever, sexy guy, and all around funny man, to grace us topless women's presense," monolouged Sarah.

Later on, after every topless women went to sleep, cept Sarah, Carly, and Mel, Emerson told them of his times as mugglenet creator, Notre Dame student(go notre dame!), and all aroung wicked awesome guy.


	33. Chapter 33

The next mornign everyone was brainwashed with the pictures...

No one could sleep that night, tired of trying, Bri got up. She went over and got Jonathan. He was also awake. They went over to see if anyone else was awake. They went over to go get Josh, he was also awake. They went downstairs to get something to eat. They got their favorite food, "Topless Cereal" and sat down at the table. It was only 3 in the morning and they had no clue what to do.

Carly had gotten up, hearing them coming down the steps and had cereal with them. After they sat there quietly, they decided to play a game of volleyball...

Carly served the ball and it hit the lamp, after bouncing off Josh's head.

"How baout we play dodgeball?" Bri suggested.

They got 5 more balls and started hitting each other, making a lot of noise. Freddy came down and said, "What the heck are you doing!...can i play?"

After a good hour, everyone but Doug and Rachel were playing. Bri went upstair, followed by Bridget, and knocked on Doug's door. No answer. They opened it slowly and heard an 'awww' noise... Scared on what they was they opened it slowly...finding Rachel, Doug in bed together, and...MICHAEL JACKSON!

Bridget grabbed a bat that happened to be at the door and started beating up Michael. Rachel screamed when she saw them in there and tried to push them out the door, but she couldn't. She didn't get out from under the covers. Bri and pushed Michael out the window, leaving him lay there...dead.

At lunch (they decided not to have school today) Rachel told everyone something, "I'm pregnant"

Everyone started cheering, but Jonathan had left the room. Bri followed.

He said, "Can we just tell them?"

"No," she said a little shocked.

"Why? Rachel was brave enough to tell them she's pregnant, so-" Jonathan was saying.

"They would find out eventially, with Rachel pregnant, they never have to know your secret, besides, why did you lie in the first place?" Bri said questionaly.

"Well, i thought people would judge me..." Jonathan said.

"They proabably would," she exclamed.

"And they will," Jon said quickly going back to the room.

"NO!" Bri yelled after Jon.

Everyone there was all happen for Rachel and Doug, congradulating them and such. The doorbell had rung, once again.

Melissa answered it. It was MICHAEL JACKSON!

"What the fck are you doing knocking me out of the window? You btches! Come and get some!"

BANG! Michael was flung out of the doorway with one shot at Cody's gun.

"That mother fcker," Cody mumbled.

A boy walked into the doorway, he was about 5"11', brown/black hair, blue eyes. He looked almost like Harry.

"ANTHONY!" Bri screamed.

"BRIANNA!" Anthony screamed back.

"OMG, introduce us," Freddy said.

It took forever for Bri to say everyone's name and age... Anthony stared at a few people (the girls) and smiled.


	34. Chapter 34

The Topless Mobile pulled into the parking lot of the Iona Mall on Broadway--fondly nicknamed IMDB by it's more frequent visitors. The mall itself was a three story building shaped to resemble a triangle with the entire outer parimeter constructed of glass.

The Topless Women boys poured out from the vehicle and ran towards the mall enterence, while Doug and Freddy followed a little ways behind to talk amongst themselves. As the boys neared the enormous glass doors, they slid open automaticly and a gust of frosty air swept over them.

"Further in, guys, further in. Quickly, we don't have time to waste.." Doug said, hearding the guys further into the mall.

"So, what is our assignment, Pimpmaster?" David asked.

"Aah..you will find out in due time, Mr. David. For now, I will hand you off to my assistant for this evening, Freddy. I hope you will treat him with the same respect you treat me.."

Doug stared down at the boys and they blinked up at him in earnest.

"On second thought.." he began. "Don't treat Freddy the same as me. Which means no mocking.."

Ron coughed loudly behind his hand.

"No fighting.."

Cody and Draco eyed each other dangerously.

"And for gods sake, no gassy noises." Doug finished, staring directly at Dimitri.

Dimitri suddenly felt many eyes on him.

"WTF, It wasn't me!" he protested.

"Pfffffffft." someone muttered behind him, causing the rest to erupt with laughter. Doug shook his head, turning to Freddy.

"They're all yours, man. Good luck." Doug said. He waved slightly, then retreated further into the mall, eventually dissapearing within the crowd.

"Alright guys. Now, before you become mean, pimping machines.. I think that theres a valuable lesson to be learned.." Freddy started, pacing infront of the younger men. "You have to be wise when it comes to dealing with a woman. Now, lets do a quick exercise, shal we? Could any of you tell me something about the opposite sex?"

The Topless Women boys looked at each other, each mirroring the clueless expression that the other had on their faces.

"Er..well, they can be scary sometimes.." Ron said after a moment of hesitating.

"Mm..yes, that's true. Anyone else? Yes, Cody?"

"They smell funny." Cody said simply.

Draco snorted. "I think the scent you are refering to is that of one who bathes, unlike you.."

"Draco that was uncalled for.." Freddy mumbled.

"Actually, I was refering to your mother!" Cody snapped, whirling to face Draco, who suddenly looked lost.

"Cody, don't go there." Freddy coughed.

"..My mother is dead you little ." Draco said flatly. His fists clentched into tight little balls at his side.

"Alright, boys.." Freddy said quietly.

"That would explain the acrid smell th--" Cody was cut short when Draco lunged for him. The two went down hard and immediately started exchanging blows.

"Yeah, give 'em the old one-two, mate!" Ron shouted down at the two fighting boys.

"Who are you rooting for, Ron?" Harry asked. He winced, watching Cody slam Draco's head into the granite flooring multiple times.

Ron gave Harry a blank look for a second before giving him a quick 'whap' upside his head.

"The hell do you think I'm rooting for? The little shrimp kid!" Ron snapped. Unfortunately he didn't realize that Cody had heard him and didn't realize so until he had Cody's shoulder pressed up against his abdomin.

"WTF are you doing!" Ron yelped, forced to run backwards without knowing where he was going due to Cody pushing him with his shoulder.

Freddy watched on as Cody shoulder-rammed Ron into the large wishing fountain sititng outside of the food court.

"Agh..this is why I fuking hate kids.." he muttered, before stalking off to go fish Ron and Cody from the fountain..

---

"Alright, so..due to our little mishap, we're a bit behind schedule. Doug told me he would be back in about two hours. ..That was an hour and a half ago, so we need to get rolling." Freddy said. "Follow me."

The boys obediantly followed after Freddy, who was leading them towards the escalators and stairs. Freddy wandered over to the up escalator and stepped onto it with ease; behind him, Dimitri followed suit, followed by Ron, Harry, David, Duncan and Draco. Josh stepped onto the escalator and turned to talk to Cody, but found no one. He looked down to see Cody standing frozen infront of the escalator.

"What are you waiting for?" Josh called down to Cody.

"I'll..take the stairs." Cody yelled up after a moment.

Josh quickly jogged down the moving steps.

"You afraid of escalators?" Josh asked after a pause.

"NO." Cody said quickly. "..They just..take too long." He started for the regular stairs, but Josh caught his arm.

"Wait, just watch. It's easy!"

Josh turned and slowly stepped onto the escalator once a step came into view; he rode it up for several seconds before running back down to Cody.

"See?" he grinned.

Cody gave him a blank look.

"Alright, I'll show you one more time.." Josh mumbled, turning towards the escalator once more.

"Nah, you don't have to really.."

Josh boarded the escalator and ran up the moving stairs, stopping to wave at Cody from the top. He turned back around and started to run down; he was halfway there when Cody noticed the sudden change in Josh's facial expression and body movement--the way his arms suddenly reached forward as if to prevent something from happening..

Cody threw himself onto the escalator before he even realized he did so. As he ran up the mobile steps, he scanned them for blood or brain-al fluid (OC:...xD STFU, I didn't know what else to call it..). Josh's still body reached the 2nd floor and Cody fell to the ground next to him seconds later. The image of Josh falling foward and cracking his head against the escalator steps played over and over again in Cody's mind.

"Oh god, Josh.. what did you do? Why'd you do it..?" Cody mumbled. He looked up to see the backs of the other Topless Women moving further and further away from them.

"HEY!" Cody yelled out. "Freddy! Somebody! Come back!" His cries came unanswered as the group rounded the corner, heading for the women's section..

"Fuk.." Cody said. He looked down at Josh, still face down on the floor. He felt like he should do something to mourn for his best friends death. Cry, maybe?

'..Nah, I haven't cried my entire life..' Cody thought to himself, shaking his head.

This was true.. even when he was born, he hadn't cried a single tear thus living the doctor who delivered him to believe that there was something wrong. When the doctor went to go and give Baby Cody a friendly little spank on the tush to test his breathing, Baby Cody dropkicked the poor, unsuspecting doctor, leaving Cody to cut his own unbilical cord..

"I supose I should just take one last look at you. ..Something to remember my best friend by.." Cody said quietly, rolling Josh over onto his back.

Josh grinned up at Cody, looking quite amused.

"Hiya!" he blurted.

Cody yelped, pushing Josh away from him. Unfortunately, Josh found himself slowly rolling in the direction of the escalator.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Josh screamed, rolling down the escalator as it was going up, thusly leaving him right in between the 1st and 2nd floor; He continued to roll, but was going no where.

"CODY, YOU BASTARD!"

Cody smirked, wandering off to catch up with the rest of the guys.

---

"Getting to the point of my lecture, Doug and I have agreed that the only way you'll be able to get women is if you.."

"DRESS LIKE ONE!" Ron inturrupted, staring down at the handful of womens clothing handed to him by Freddy moments ago.

"Put yourself in a woman's state of mind.." Freddy finished. "The clothes will only help. ..So, who's going to go first?"

No one moved.

Cody rounded the corner and Freddy's eyes immediately landed on him.

"There you are! Where have you been!"

"Well, I-"

"Whatever! Sit down!" Freddy snapped.

Cody scoffed, sitting up against the wall away from everyone else.

Freddy sighed. "Now, to make it more comfortable for you guys, I'm going to put on my clothes first. Then afterwards, I want you all to go into a dressing room and put on your clothes, then you will all come out at once. And then we'll go from there.." Freddy picked up some clothes and dissapeared into the dressing room.

The boys sat in silence, casting uneasy glances at each other. Ron sighed loudly, laying back on the floor; he found himself suddenly surrounded by fabric..

"Ron, what are you doing with your head under an underwear rack..?" Harry asked quietly. Ron immediately sat up, rubbing vigorously at his face.

A woman stepped out of the dressing room and stood infront of a mirror to admire her figure. One by one, the Topless Women boys rose from the floor and they all surrounded the woman.

"Not bad, Freddy. If you just shave a bit, you'll look exactly like Halle Berry.." Dimitri offered. The woman turned to look at them, mouth agape. Behind them, someone cleared their throat and they all slowly turned around to find Freddy standing there, wearing an identical orange dress and an awkward looking brown wig.

"If only my hips were bigger, then maybe I'd.." Freddy blinked, looking from the boys to Halle Berry then back to the boys.

"Are you harassing Halle Berry?" Freddy asked.

Halle Stormed off without a word, leaving the guys alone.

"...Not bad, Freddy. If you just shave a bit, you'll look exactly like Halle Berry.." Dimitri said again.

"You think so?" Freddy asked, beaming.

----

"Okay, so..my prom is coming up and I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to make Cedric wear. Cause, like.. I'm gunna be wearing a yellow dress, so of course Ceddie's gunna have to wear a yellow tie, reguardless of wether he wants to or not because yellow just goes so well with my chocolate complection.." Ali said, running a hand up and down her arm.

Caitlin rolled her eyes, slurping thirstily at her slushie. (OC: Thirstily? xD ...Wateva)

"So, like.. should he wear this tie? I really like this tie, cause it's like..silky." Ali said, holding up one tie. "But Cedric is allergic to silk, and I don't want him to break out. So, I found this tie.." She held up a tie with white diagonal strips. "But I hate stripes cause they're all... whatever. So, which one?"

Caitlin's eyes jumped back and forth between the two ties.

"..They're both yellow and stuff. So what difference does it make?" Caitlin said after a minute.

"What difference, Caitlin? Ohmahgah, the difference is that one tie will make Cedric all..rashy and the other is out of style!"

"Either way, they'll both make him look bad in your couple picture." Caitlin smirked. "Which is why I'm going to make Cedric wear green for my prom.."

"Pft. Cedric doesn't even like green.." Ali said, tossing the ties onto some random rack.

"At least the color won't blind him!" Caitlin retorted, walking off. Ali followed after her and the two continued their argument through the mens section, past the kids section and right into the women's section.

"Taco's are totally better than nacho's.." Ali said, stopping to examine a sweatshirt.

"Whatever!" Caitlin snapped.

Ali opened her mouth to reply, but stopped and suddenly looked off in another direction.

"What is it?" Caitlin asked, looking off in the same direction.

"Shh. Come on.." Ali motioned for Caitlin to follow, moving towards the dressing rooms. As they neared the rooms, Ali dropped down onto all fours and crawled behind a maniquin (OC: xD Sorry for the spelling.) Caitlin mimiced the action, crawling behind a second maniquin.

"Go ahead, Draco! Shake what yo' momma gave ya!" a familiar voice said.

Ali and Caitlin exchanged looks.

"That sounds like Freddy.." Caitlin hissed.

Boys' cheers erupted infront of them. Before Ali could stop her, Caitlin stood up to see what was going on. She covered her mouth to conseal her gasp..

The Topless Women boys were sitting in a circle, all wearing dresses (except for Cody, who was able to get away with wearing a pink converse sneaker) while Draco Malfoy and Freddy walked circles around them, sashaying and swinging their hips like women.

Something tickled Caitlin inside of her throat and her lips began to quiver. Ali, after observing Caitlin for a while, had worked up the courage to peak out from behind her hiding place as well.

"Alright Draco, you can stop.." Freddy said, grinning. "How does it feel?"

"I never want to do this again.." Draco muttered, wiping sweat from his brow.

"Do you think girls enjoy having to do so much stuff to pretty themselves up for men?"

Draco fell silent.

Freddy smirked. "I see you all are starting to understand the meaning for this exercise. Who's next?" Freddy pointed to David.

Cursing under his breath, David started to stand up, but froze upon seeing movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look, but saw no one--only four maniquins standing side by side; two of them were the most awkward looking maniquins David had ever seen..

"Quickly David! Let's see you walk!" Freddy called, snapping his fingers.

--

Once David turned away, Ali and Caitlin sunk to the ground from their frozen positions.

"Oh..my god.." Ali said slowly, a smile slowly forming on her face.

Caitlin's face was growing redder by the second and Ali knew that the girl was about to explode..

"OMG, No Caitlin..!" Ali hissed, reaching into her purse. "Not until I get some pictures with my camera phone!"

Caitlin swayed back and forth, both hands clamped over her mouth, eager to release just one hearty laugh..

Ali slipped her phone back into her purse after taking at least 50 pictures. "Okay, I'm done! Let's go!"

Ali and Caitlin crawled away from the scene and continued on their hands and knees until they reached the Men's section, where they then rose to their feet and broke out in a full run all the way to the escalators. Halfway down, they ducked their heads to avoid being seen by Doug, who was riding the up escalator. Once they reached the 1st floor, they ran all the way out into the parking lot.

"Okay.." Ali said, gasping. "We can't tell anyone about what we saw, alright?"

Caitlin's face fell. The first thing she was going to do when she reached home was tell the girls (and Cedric) exactly what they had seen.

"ALRIGHT!" Ali snapped.

"Okay, okay.." Caitlin mumbled.

Ali and Caitlin stuck out their hands and a purple, tripple decker bus pulled up infront of them within seconds.

"Where to?" a pimply-faced kid asked.

"Topless Women HQ" The girls said in unison.

The bus took off in a blur once Ali and Caitlin climbed aboard, headed directly for home..


	35. Chapter 35

the next morning the topless women all had a peaceful morning...everyone waited for their turn to use the bathroom and they all agreed on what they should eat for breakfast

as Josh cleared away some dishes, Katy piped up

"does it seem odd to any of you that we havent had one argument today? and that were all like...helping each other out?"

"hey does it seem weird that were all helping each other ou-HEY! stop copying me!" caitlin said

"i said it first!" replied katy

"pfft..whatever i...like..thought it first"

"ya i'm noticing that the guys are being really quiet...and you gamer girls keep looking at each other all secretly-like..." rachel said as she helped herself to fourth helpings of pancakes

The gamer girls all looked at each other..secretly-like...because of course caitlin and ali had shared the pics with katy and carly the night before. They knew perfectly well why the guys were being so quiet and had to bite their tongues to stop from laughing everytime they looked at one of them.

"um...i guess were just having a slow and quiet phase..." ali said

Melissa started giggling randomly..."hehehehehhe anus...ah good ol anus"

everyone stared at her for like 10 seconds and then went back to eating

when everyone was done and getting up from the table Katy was staring at Rachel curiously

Rachel noticed and stopped nibbling at her cheese long enough to ask, "what?"

"um...you hate cheese"

"well...its growing on me...not literally or anything..."

"...are you getting fatter?"

Rachel choked, "Exuuuuuze me?"

"no i mean...you look...but thats impossible...i just meant you look kinda..." Katy's eyes widened, "OMG! Rachel!"

"what?" rachel asked again getting slightly impatient

"uh...come with me"

they disappeared upstairs

everyone else shrugged and went about their day

Later that day Caitlin was wandering around the HQ looking for something to do

Ali had the day with Cedric, Carly and Peter were off in his car, some of the guys had locked themselves in their rooms, melissa was reading "Anus weekly", Michelle and Freddy were talking to Bob Saget, Doug was giving a bottle of herbal essences a deep tissue massage, and the rest of the topless women were doing their own stuff.

She hadnt seen Katy or Rachel since they disappeared that morning and she was getting really bored. She heard music coming from Draco's room and, having nothing else to do, went to check it out.

He was dressed in a tuxedo and he was practicing dance moves in front of a camera

"Yeah I've been doin my steps, I've been working my feet. You can see my feet working"

Caitlin supressed her laughter and ran into her room. She burst out laughing, thinking of how she would steal that video to show the gamer girls.

She laughed for another ten minutes and went to read a fanfic

At 6 pm Spaz rang the dinner bell and yelled as loud as she could

"get ur topless women asses down here so i can eat!"

The house began to shake as the topless women thundered downstairs. Everyone sat down and filled their plates. And then they waited. They couldnt eat until all the topless women were served and Katy and Rachel were still missing.

"omg they better get down here soon..." mumbled spaz

a few minutes later rachel came down the stairs with Katy supporting her

they both had weird smiles on their faces.

The topless women cheered...but mostly it was cuz they were now allowed to eat.

Rachel again had four helpings. No1 noticed..except Katy who kept shooting her goofy smiles

By the end of dinner everyone noticed the goofy smiles.

finally mel couldnt take it anymore, "WTF are you 2 smiling about! and where have u been all day?"

"uh...we cant tell you..." rachel said

Psyk gave her a raised eyebrow. She shook her head at him and mouthed "later". he nodded

After dinner Rachel took Psyk up to their...i mean her...bedroom

an hour later they emerged with the same goofy smiles that katy and rachel had earlier.

Rachel walked to the P.A system and announced that all the topless women should meet in the meeting room in 5 minutes.

The Topless Women gathered at the ubertable looking confused, usually meetings were announced a day in the future unless it was something really big.

Caitlin, Carly, Ali, and Katy kept looking at Draco and laughing...actually they laughed when they looked at any guy.

Rachel cleared her throat, "um..well...i dont know how to say this." she smiled down at psyk, "its just that...me and psyk...well to quote GOF psyk is 'more of a physical being' the topless women giggled and well...the fruit of his loins is now growing in my uterus."

The topless women stared for awhile as the processed the words "fruit" "loins" and "uterus" before what rachel had said really clicked.

"OMFG! I CANT BELIEVE IT!"

"OMG NAME IT CARLY!"

"OMG I WANT A BABY"

"OMG YOU HAVE CHERRYS GROWING IN UR UTERUS?"

After everyone had settled down and provided name choices (germoine, cedric, and strawberry kiwi to name a few) they went off to amuse themselves

That night everyone thought about what having a baby around HQ would mean

"eh...im so not cleaning dirty diapers"

"omg...that thing better not wake me up"

"omg i wonder what a baby anus is like"

"im gonna take it to get cute hufflepuff robes"

"lucky man, lucky man"

"..." The topless women fell asleep and dreamed...well they all dreamed different and prolly weird things

The next day Melissa gathered the topless women into the living room to tell them some "important news."

"Ok, there is something we need to dicuss." I decided I needed a Bf so I put an ad in the Anus Weekly, and well I only got one reponse, but I think you guys will be-.

DING DONG!

"That must be him," screamed Melissa,"Carly will you be a dear and answer the door."

Carly nodded.

She when over and opened the door, and suddenly there was a loud thunder right when Melissas man stepped in.

screams OMG ITS EMERSON!


	36. Chapter 36

So, Emerson became a Topless Women, and everyone was happy.

The next 2 months passed without much action...besides Ali having to go to the hospital because Caitlin shoved a penny up her nose...and Draco was now doing his steps all the time when he thought no one was looking, but they really were...and they laughed. But besides that, the most noticeable thing was Rachel growing more and more bitchy...

April 45, 7098..Kitchen

"Carly, can you pass me the ketchup for my eggs?" Rachel asked one Saturday morning. Carly winced and passed the ketchup as gingerly as she could.

The whole table watched as Rachel slowly unscrewed the cap...as she poured, Freddy could be seen biting his nails, Doug was clutching a bottle of Herbal Essences, preparing for the outburst, and Caitlin and Ali were clutching Cedric, who was looking at his reflection in the spoon. A tablespoon of ketchup came out, and Rachel moved to turn the bottle right side up; the Topless Women let out a breath of relief.

But before the bottle was fully upright, six drops came spilling onto her eggs; everyone gasped. Draco and Katy hurled their asses outta the kitchen. Melissa, Dimitri, and Sarah jacked Peter's Narnia shield and hid behind it. Peter himself let out a girlish squeal and jumped under the table, Carly following suit soon after. (OC: Dammit...now my other brother is in the bath...i'll keep going then, xD) Ali and Caitlin hid themselves behind Cedric, who was still looking at himself. Doug, bless him, had no choice but to watch what was about to happen...

"My...eggs...are...RUINED!" Rachel screamed at the top of her lungs. "WHO PASSED ME THE KETCHUP? IT'S ENTIRELY THEIR FAULT!" Rachel jumped out of her seat, her hair standing on end. The small tummy that she had developed was hanging out of her shirt, because she hadn't shopped for maturnity (sp?) clothes yet.

"Rachel...sweetie.." Doug began cautiously, but Rachel whipped around and glared at him.

"SHUT UP DOUG! I lied, this is actually YOUR fault!" she yelled. "YOU made me pregnant, YOU are the reason I..I.." tears suddenly came to her eyes.."I CAN'T EVEN ENJOY EGGS ANYMORRRRE!" she sobbed. She threw herself on Doug's shoulder and cried.

"Is..is it safe?" Ali whispered to Caitlin. Caitlin peered around Cedric's shoulder and saw Rachel sobbing on Doug's shoulder. Doug looked rather bored patting her on the back.

"Yeah..we have 1.78 minutes to get out of here before she gets started again.." Caitlin whispered urgently. Ali stood up.

"CODE BLACK! CODE BLACK! EVACUATE!" (OC: xDD Grey's Anatomy..)

The Topless Women scurried out of the room. With only 5.6 seconds left, David was panicking, cause he like, couldn't get out. He finally made it to the door, however, Melissa accidentally shut it in his face..and it locked.

"Shit.." he muttered as he tried to get out. "MELISSA? ALI! CAITLIN! CARLY? HELP ME!" Rachel was beginning to stir. She looked up at him, and began advancing on him. David looked at her all..innocent like, but she didn't seem to notice.

"So..you were the one who handed me the ketchup..weren't you?" she said slowly.

"N-no..that was Carly.." he said. He made a mental note to apologize to Carly later.

"LIAR!" Rachel bellowed. David began trying to open the door behind his back, but it wouldn't budge. Rachel was growing closer, her eyes flashing dangerously. Just as David started to close his eyes and prepare for the worst, the door flew open behind him, and he scrambled into the hall, slamming the door behind him.

"David! You could have gotten killed!" Sarah panted, Harry and Ron behind her, their wands out.

"It was Melissa.." he muttered. "She shut the door behind me-"

"Who cares? Let's go.." Sarah said, and the four of them ran, not stopping until they reached their rooms.

Still April 45, 7098 - Midafternoon

"No no Draco, you're doing it all wrong," said Freddy. "You're doing the two-step, when the three-step is what is in this season.." Draco stared. Katy, who was sitting nearby, was trying her best not to laugh.

"BITCH, IT'S MY TURN!" came Caitlin's voice from the dining room. Katy, Draco, and Freddy all ignored them and continued the dance..lesson..or rather, Freddy telling Draco he sucks.

"DOEHOE, YOU TOOK HIM LAST WEEK! IT'S MY TURN!" Ali yelled back. Suddenly, what sounded like a piggybank breaking echoed into the living room.

"I know that isn't mine!" Draco exclaimed. He then abandoned his dancing and ran into the living room. Before he could open the door, however, it burst open and Draco fell to the floor, Ali chasing Caitlin with a quarter in her hand.

"MAYBE THIS WILL TEACH YOU TO SHOVE A PENNY UP MY NOSE!" Ali was yelling. Caitlin screamed and ducked behind the couch. Then there was a flash of green light that hit the couch, narrowly missing Ali. She whipped around and saw Draco pointing his wand at her, his slicked back hair sticking up everywhere.

"CRUCIO!" he yelled, and Ali jumped behind the armchair. "NO ONE STEALS MY MONEY BITCH! AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"DRACO NOOOO!" Katy yelled. "YOU'RE NOT A KILLER!" (OC: xDD)

"WATCH ME!" he yelled back, and he threw himself Matrix-style on the ground so he could see Ali crouching behind the armchair.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ali yelled, and she jumped out of his line of fire.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" Freddy suddenly yelled, pointing Harry's wand at Draco. His wand flew across the room to Caitlin, and she snatched it up quickly.

"How the hell did you get Harry's wand?" Katy asked.

He ignored her. "I don't approve of fig-" Freddy suddenly went very white. Everyone turned slowly and saw Rachel standing in the doorway, looking as though she had just woken up from her daily nap..2 minutes before she was supposed to.

"Fck.." they all murmured, and they all started inching towards the door. Ali reached it first, and hauled ass out of the room, Katy and Caitlin on her heels. Freddy pointed Harry's wand at Rachel and muttered "Silencio!" Rachel opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Freddy and Draco took this opportunity to run upstairs.

Katy rolled out of bed at noon and immediately walked down to the kitchen for some brunch. Stepping into the kitchen, she saw someone bent over near the counter, their butt facing the kitchen door. Katy froze.

'Alright..turn around and go back..she didn't see me..' Katy thought and after a seconds hesitation, started backing out of the kitchen.

"Katy?" the person called out. "Is that you?"

Katy cursed under her breath. 'How'd she know..!'

"Yeah.. it's me, Rachel.." Katy said warily, walking towards the counter.

"Oh, good.." Rachel said, standing up straight. She wobbled slightly, grabbing hold of the counter for support. "Could you pick up that fork for me, please?"

"Why didn't you just get another one?" Katy asked.

"Because..I wanted THAT fork." Rachel said sharply. "Now if you DON'T mind.."

Katy quickly picked up the fork, washed it off at the sink, dried it off, then placed it carefully infront of Rachel on the counter before backing out of Rachel's choking range.

Rachel smiled. "Thanks. ...You know, I had an idea.. maybe you can tell me what you think about it.."

Katy nodded from her spot near the window, several meters away from where Rachel stood.

"Well.. I was thinking.. you all of spent months in this house looking after me, and I figured you all deserved a little reward. So I'm giving you all the day off!"

Katy blinked. "Really? Sweet..!"

"Infact, we're all going to the beach!" Rachel continued.

"Wait..we? Rachel, you can't go.." Katy said.

"...WHY?" Rachel asked. Her left eye twitched slightly.

"Er..the baby? It could be coming any day now.." Katy said quietly.

"Don't worry about it.." Rachel said, waving her hand. "Just go and spread the word.."

So..Katy did just that. The Topless Women piled into the Topless Mobile and headed out to the beach (the ride was quite uncomfortable for some, however, as many of the Topless Women had to squeeze into the front passanger seat and the 2nd row of seats; Rachel occupied the entire third row under Doug's suggestion so she would be comfortable)

When they reached the beach, the Topless Women pushed and shoved their way out of the vehicle and rushed onto the beach to find a good spot while Doug stayed behind to help Rachel out of her seat. David, Josh, Cody and Dimitri dumped their stuff near an unlit fire pit (except for Dimitri, who neatly set his towel down--after smoothing down the sand so there weren't any lumps.)

"Hey David.. check it out." Josh murmured, pointing over to his right. David looked up to see Caitlin, Carly and Katy looking over in their direction and giggling; behind them, Peter, Draco and Cedric were each layed out on a towel, taking in some rays.

"Oh.. yeah.." David mumbled, sitting down on his wrinkled towel. "They've been acting really strange these past couple of weeks."

"What do you mean by strange?" Dimitri asked.

"Well..okay, for example.. everytime I walk past Caitlin, she either stops and stares or just giggles.."

Cody snorted. "Maybe you have something on your face and she's just laughing at you.."

"Don't be such a player hater, Cody.." Josh said.

"Whatever.. you boys stay here and continue talking like a bunch of sissys. I'm gunna do men's stuff.."

"Like what?" Dimitri asked.

"Build . Duh." Cody said, before walking towards the water.

"Aah, Forget about him.." Dimitri said, turning to David. "So.. what else?"

"At dinner a few nights ago, Katy kept passing the food to me.." David continued "..Without me even asking for them. And Carly, just last night, changed my bedsheets for me.."

"What's wrong with that?" Josh asked.

"I was still in the bed!" David blurted. Dimitri twitched, turning to look at Katy, Caitlin and Carly, who were STILL looking at them..

"Aw, David is so cute.." Carly whispered. She quickly glanced over her shoulder, relieved to find that Peter did not hear her; instead, he was comparing his complexion to Draco's.

"Ohmahgawd, I knoooow. And look, he's wearing the swim trunks that I brought him!" Caitlin gushed.

"Uhm.. you brought those for Cedric and they didn't fit him.. and you were too lazy to bring them back to the store, so you just left them there.." Katy said.

"Whatever. They look good on him. And he's totally looking at me." Caitlin adjusted her bikini and fluffed her hair.

"He's gunna be lookin' at my foot up yo' ass in about ten seconds.." Katy snapped.

"Oh no you did not just say that.."

"It's alright, Caitlin.. she's just jealous.." Carly said quietly.

"Yeah, I know.." Caitlin started.

"...Of me." Carly added. "Both of you."

"Aw hell nah.." Katy blurted.

The girls continued to argue while the boyfriends chatted amongst themselves. Doug and Rachel strolled by arm in arm, casting an odd glance in the girls' direction; Doug wisely steered Rachel away to avoid upsetting her. Meanwhile, further down the beach, Duncan and Freddy were sitting in beach chairs. Melissa wandered over carrying a shovel in one hand and a pail in the other.

"Hey Freddy! Want to build a sandcastle with me!" Melissa asked.

"Mm.. no, not really.." Freddy murmured, tilting his head away from her.

"Okay..want to jump in the water with me?" She asked.

"Why would I want to go in the water?" Freddy asked, slightly put-off.

"Cause it's like..the beach. And..you do that at the beach.."

Freddy didn't say anything and merely rolled onto his stomach (OC: xD I dunno if you can do that in a beach chair, but...whatever, now you can.).

"Aw, you suck.." Melissa pouted, walking off. She walked along the water and spotted Cody a few yards ahead drawing lines in the sand. She ran over to greet him.

"Hey, watch it!" He blurted as she aproached. "You're going to ruin my floor plans.."

"Floor plans?" Melissa repeated.

"Yes. You almost ruined my dungeon. ..I'm making a castle.."

Melissa beamed. "Oh! A sand castle! Can I help?"

Cody glanced up at Melissa, considering her for a moment. "..I suppose. ..Here's what I need you to do.."

"When I'm through, I'm going to be as dark as Vera Wang.." Peter boasted.

"Who the crap is Vera Wang?" Cedric asked.

"Um, HELLOOOOOOOOO? Only the best designer in Europe today?" Peter offered.

Cedric gave him a blank look.

"..Nevermind." Peter muttered.

Ali, popping in out of no where, plopped down onto Cedric's towel and thrust a hot dog at him.

"Uh..excuse me?" Draco started, snapping his fingers at Ali. "Where is my food?"

"Oh, I KNOW this little crusty-ass albino did not just snap at me.." Ali blurted.

"I'll have you know that in about three hours, I won't be pale!" Draco spat.

Ali opened her mouth to respond, but instead turned to dig through her beach bag. After a short moment, she pulled a container from the bag and held it up for Draco to see.

"This'll speed up the process.." Ali said. Draco snatched the container from her, examining it closely. The label on the container read 'Crisco'.

"You sure..?" Draco asked suspiciously.

"Well, if you don't want it.." Ali started, but Draco popped the lid off and peered inside; the contents were white and smelled faintly of butter..

"Hey, pass that over here when you're through.." Peter said.

"Oh, no.. that stuff is only for the really bad cases. It wouldn't work on you." Ali said quickly.

Draco dipped his hand into the container and began to spread the white stuff all over his body..

Cody dipped a pail into the ocean water when he heard someone call out to him.

"Cody!" Melissa stopped next to him, grinning. "I brought what you asked for.."

Cody looked up to see Melissa with a leash in her hand; at the end of the leash was an Aligator.

"..Nice.. I'm just putting the finishing touches on the castle. Let's go."

Cody and Melissa walked, stopping infront of a lifesize castle made entirely of sand, complete with drawbridge and moat. Cody poured the final pail of water into the moat before tossing the pail aside. He then shoved the gator into the moat, then stepped back to admire his handywork.

"We should take a picture of it.. cause we'll never see it again.." Melissa said.

Cody scoffed. "Of course we will. It'll be here for as long as I want it to be here. It won't erode or wash away in the surf cause it's too far from the water and I re-inforced the walls.."

"With what?" Melissa asked.

"More sand. ..Duh."

Melissa tilted her head. "But like.. what if someone knocks it down?"

"No one will try. We have the gator. ...And if they do, I'll hunt them down and rip out their jugular." Cody said flatly.

Melissa stared.

"...I'm hungry. Are you hungry?" Cody asked. Before Melissa could reply, Cody walked off to find something to eat and Melissa followed after a moments hesistation.

Rachel and Doug continued to walk along the beach, occasionally stopping to watch children play.

"Aw, she's so cute..." Rachel gushed, watching a little girl burry her little brother in the sand.

"Hey, our kid is going to be cute too.." Doug offered. "And smart. Like it's mother.."

Rachel smiled fondly Doug.

"I expect our child would be great at math. ..Maybe a talented rapper too. And-..Rachel?" Doug turned to Rachel, who was grasping at her stomach. "What's wrong?"

"M-my water broke.." Rachel gasped.

"...What?"

"My water.." Rachel started.

"No, I heard you!" Doug blurted. He started hyperventilating. "Ohmahgawd,ohmahgawd,ohmahgawd.."

Rachel blinked at him. "...Are you gunna like...take me to the hospital or do I need to drive myself?"

"No need!" Freddy blurted, popping up out of no where. "Along with being an extremely good singer, actor and being extreamely good looking, I'm also an extremely good doctor.."

Doug stared at Freddy, glancing down at his speedo. "..Don't you think you should change into something a bit more appropriate first?"

"NO TIME, MAN!" Freddy snapped, snapping on some gloves. "We need to do this now. Get me a towel, some ice, a bucket of water and sandwhich.."

Doug blinked.

"NOW!" Freddy shrieked.

Doug ran off.

"Is it normal for my skin to be all..bubbling..?" Draco asked.

"Oh..yeah.." Ali said, coughing slightly. Peter and Cedric stared at Draco with wide eyes.

Peter cleared his throat "Er, Draco..you're.."

"TAN?" Draco asked eagerly.

"..Yeah, you can..say that.." Cedric murmured quietly. Out of no where, Doug ran up and yanked the towel from right under Ali and Cedric.

"WHAT THE FUCK, MAAAAN!" Ali shrieked. "HOW RUDE!"

"Sorry! Rachel's having a sandwhich and I need ice, water and a baby!" Doug said in a rush, before running off.

"What the hell? Did he just say Rachel was having a sandwhich?" Katy asked. The group sat in silence, slowly piecing everything together. All at once, everyone got up and ran off in all different directions to spread the news. Caitlin, Katy and Carly rushed over to David at once, yanking him from his towel.

"RACHEL'S HAVING THE BABY, LET'S GO!" Caitlin shrieked. Together, the three girls dragged David away while Josh and Dimitri jogged after them.


End file.
